Hi everybody! My schedule has been really unforgiving, so I may or may not end up writing something and making changes to the post later in the week.
Regardless, I hope you all have a good week!
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As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It’s for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Sleep escapes me tonight, so instead of trying to go back to sleep, I’m going to post and/or browse the internet until I pass out. Yay.
I’m going to be so damned eepy tomorrow.
mood
Yo I am flipping through Bo Burnham’s book of poems and this MF is an egg.
These ones are content warning for dysphoria posting
spoiler
Theres a couple more that Hexbear won’t let me post for some reason
This one in particular had a real dogtooth vibe.
Fixed
I gouged my eyes out
only to find another much better pair behind them.
It’s kind of funny that there’s really only three ways to retire your account on Hexbear.
Touch grass (Ulysses Tuggy, Gayhobbes etc), lose your mind and go reactionary on a weird issue (Sevendeadlyfetishes and a whole bunch of others I’ve
’d from my memory) and trans your gender and make a new account (@EstraDoll@hexbear.net.)As someone whose been here from the start, sure I’ve got a few prehistoric monotremes up my sleeves for alts, but 3 is probably on the cards in a month or two.
I did not touch grass, but I left for like a year and then came back and made a new one
I’ve retired two accounts personally. One for internet deadname and another because it had was an OpSec nightmare >w>
The internet deadname account was here from the start. Don’t be afraid to just toss it just because your account is from the beginning. I’m not sure anyone really cares.
It’s the only true way to retire your HB account
honestly the biggest reason I even changed mine is that I couldn’t shake seeing “he/him” stapled next to Ho_Chi_Chungus even if I did change my pronouns so I just… went with a new account
That and I thought “Damn, EstraDoll goes hard for a username. Someone else should take it. Actually, you know what? Fuck it, I should take it. It’s a good username”
Fair enough. I already have my new account lined up (I made it ages ago) . The name is mild cringe as its from a Bo Burnham poem, but I read it during covid19 and it really made me go “huh” . It’s already my bsky profile.
Like check out my boy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steropodon
iZombie was a really great show that basically disappeared from public consciousness the minute it finished.
Sick and fucking feeling like absolute dog shit and in too much pain to really sleep and am so exhausted
Ugh that sucks, I hope you feel better soon
so far the most noticeable mental/emotional effect of HRT is that I’ll gladly watch a review of musical instruments I like to hear but have no interest in playing (namely bass guitar and trumpet)
I hurt my lower back violently thrusting my pelvis to the dubstep remix of Sweet Caroline
boymoding? No, tomboy moding!
dysphoria
i’m just clocky af >:3
This is me as well. Like I actually want to dress and look tomboy or soft butch, but I still want to be seen as a woman, it’s hard :((
I was trying to explain this the other day and it’s like I’m not boy moding I’m soft-butching.
@Tomboymoder@hexbear.net someone’s got your schtick
I’m graduating to girlmoding apparently, so I might have to pass on the mantle like Batman
And what was my crime, drooling over a twink? A succulent twink?
Thinking of trying lingerie for the first time, what do yall think of this?
Okay, but I need the Eeyore one
that’s a bit intimate
I think I want to get a collar for myself now… I don’t know how to feel about this revalation…
dooo ittttt!!! its sosososo worf it we wear ours basically 24/7 :3
I got new glasses and they’re cute as hell
fuck yeah to cute glasses
trauma
Since going on hormones , I experience emotions more intensely. Did it make anyone else’s repressed trauma come out? I feel like I can experience my past and current experiences with loneliness, dysphoria and bullying with more feelings now.___
trauma
Pretty much, yeah. Being able to feel more emotional helped me gradually start to recognise and unpack how parts of my life have negatively impacted me, and it makes the big emotional events feel stronger now. But I think it’s more helpful than harmful to feel that way, and it also makes the nicer events feel much better too.
spoiler
As an egg how I dealt with what I now understand to be dysphoria, with trauma from my family, with pretty much any emotion besides anger was to repress it.
HRT made me feel my emotions way way more and with way more granularity. I’ve described it like my vision was before I had glasses and then after I put them on for the first time. It was hard to deal with because I couldn’t really repress all those feelings anymore and I just had no tools to deal with feeling shitty emotions that you can’t just lock away.
It sucked because I had to deal with a lot of repressed shit but it was nice to finally grab a hold of it, and it was very nice to have the words and ability to talk about what exactly I was feeling
bottom dysphoria
Fucking… penis nightmares. Haven’t had much of those since first puberty
I’m pretty sure the only semi-coherent thought I’ve had today is “Titania from Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn transed me,” and it’s just kinda been floating around in my head all day refusing to leave.
Wtf based???
