• AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world
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    7 天前

    Horrible parenting tbh. And their son reminds them everyday how they failed as parents so they’re just kicking him out.

    • kestrel7_7@lemmy.world
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      6 天前

      Yep, I think kicking your kids out when they turn 18 is fucked. But, it’s better to do it at 18 than 38.

      I don’t know what the solution is, but it’s not this.

    • Anti_Iridium@lemmy.world
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      7 天前

      I regularly tell my parents that the reason I am not like so many Americans, is that I have a supportive family. I live with my parents, but I would likely be homeless if they weren’t here for me.

      • treesquid@lemmy.world
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        6 天前

        But like … You do work or go to school or at least try to do something besides just mooch, right? This guy never even tried, apparently for two decades after high school

        • infinitesunrise@slrpnk.net
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          6 天前

          The government has wasted at least 176 Billion dollars in Iran over the past three months, the leader of our society has siphoned at least 2 Billion in the past two years, data centers with near zero product are draining the water and electricity from communities all over the country while playing hot potato with hundred of billions more, and you’re calling your peer a mooch for feeling unable to participate.

        • Anti_Iridium@lemmy.world
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          6 天前

          I would like to think so? Even so, I do pay my parents 500 a month as rent.

          Yeah, he would probably be homeless if he didn’t have an overly supportive family I think.

          • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com
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            6 天前

            There’s a definite difference between renting below market rate from your family and being a 37 year old who’s never had a job, can’t drive etc.

    • treesquid@lemmy.world
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      6 天前

      It sucks at 19 and isn’t really fair because getting started is so much harder these days. Now imagine you were twice as old and had never tried to do anything with your life.

    • VitoRobles@lemmy.today
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      7 天前

      Me at 22. Was homeless as well. I make decent money now almost twenty years later and I still look at prices and think back when I used to dumpster dive.

      • Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world
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        7 天前

        Back in the day, I used to eat pretty well out of dumpsters. Wasn’t really homeless, was living in an old caravan, but was proper broke.

        These days, at least round here, they lock up the dumpsters, have security guards, or deliberately contaminate the food. Wankers.

        • Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca
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          6 天前

          The works of the roots of the vines, of the trees, must be destroyed to keep up the price, and this is the saddest, bitterest thing of all. Carloads of oranges dumped on the ground. The people came for miles to take the fruit, but this could not be. How would they buy oranges at twenty cents a dozen if they could drive out and pick them up? And men with hoses squirt kerosene on the oranges, and they are angry at the crime, angry at the people who have come to take the fruit. A million people hungry, needing the fruit- and kerosene sprayed over the golden mountains. And the smell of rot fills the country. Burn coffee for fuel in the ships. Burn corn to keep warm, it makes a hot fire. Dump potatoes in the rivers and place guards along the banks to keep the hungry people from fishing them out. Slaughter the pigs and bury them, and let the putrescence drip down into the earth.

          There is a crime here that goes beyond denunciation. There is a sorrow here that weeping cannot symbolize. There is a failure here that topples all our success. The fertile earth, the straight tree rows, the sturdy trunks, and the ripe fruit. And children dying of pellagra must die because a profit cannot be taken from an orange. And coroners must fill in the certificate- died of malnutrition- because the food must rot, must be forced to rot. The people come with nets to fish for potatoes in the river, and the guards hold them back; they come in rattling cars to get the dumped oranges, but the kerosene is sprayed. And they stand still and watch the potatoes float by, listen to the screaming pigs being killed in a ditch and covered with quick-lime, watch the mountains of oranges slop down to a putrefying ooze; and in the eyes of the people there is the failure; and in the eyes of the hungry there is a growing wrath. In the souls of the people the grapes of wrath are filling and growing heavy, growing heavy for the vintage.

          • Jax@sh.itjust.works
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            6 天前
            • The Grapes of Wrath

            I get that we’re in the age of AI and fuck the artist but cite your sources man

        • infinitesunrise@slrpnk.net
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          6 天前

          Living out of a car or living on friend’s couches is considered homelessness. It’s why some people say unhoused instead.

      • FeelThePower@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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        7 天前

        glad you’re doing good now. just as a little secret, I still dumpster dive to this day honestly… it’s how I got every piece of furniture in my house except my bed. gotta save where ya can lol.

    • TheRealLinga@sh.itjust.works
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      6 天前

      I’m in the same boat. Plus I was “unschooled” with neglectful mentally ill parents so my education REALLY suffered. Funnily enough I’ll be turning 38 soon… but I’ve been working hard for decades and have a career and family of my own now thankfully

  • cRazi_man@europe.pub
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    7 天前

    Is no one here going to tell me why this is fake and gay? WTF do I come to the greentext community for? Just serious comments about people’s own experiences? Fucking shameful

  • doingthestuff@lemy.lol
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    6 天前

    I moved out at 17, got married at 20, bought a house at 22. I also have been working since I was 12. After forty years of working, I still have nothing saved except some home equity.

    • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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      6 天前

      yeah, i had some friends who lived at home for a couple of years after college… all they did was complaint relentless about their parents. but they also just refused to move out because they didn’t want to pay rent or have roommates and would tell me I was a chump for paying rent and have roommates, and then I’d say how not living with your parents is the best. and they’d get so mad at me and not talk to me for a couple of weeks.

      still, some people actually get along with their parents are are friendly with them and like being around them. blessed bastards, they are.

    • bluesheep@sh.itjust.works
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      6 天前

      I moved out at 19 and it was the best decision I ever made. My 2 younger siblings stayed a lot longer and apart from the cheap cost of living (it was pretty late that my dad started charging them rent and even then it was barely anything) I really never understood how they put up with it

  • Professorozone@lemmy.world
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    7 天前

    I think I fall in the middle of this. I think this kid (and I think he is still a kid) had 38 years to transition to independence. But the same could be said about the parents. Why are they kicking him out now instead of after schooling? Now they are doing this almost cold turkey. Why not tell him he has until his birthday to stay paying rent. Then later impose more restrictions until ultimately sending him on his way.

    I’m old so I feel it’s ridiculous for a 38 year old to still be living at home without substantially contributing. At the same time they let him do it and it’s kind of unfair allow it to get this far. He probably had a reasonable expectation of living with them until he or they died.

    • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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      7 天前

      I know people like this. Knew a quite a few people from college who were only their parents payroll until 35. I am in my 40s and I still meet single women who are living with/off mom and dad at my age… but people generally dont’ judge women for that.

      Basically it was just the arbitrary age at which they felt ‘adulthood’ should start. For me that was basically 18, for others it was mid 30s, for some people, it’s never.

      And in my experience it’s largely a function of how much wealth people have, like wealthier folks give their kids way more runway because they can afford to support them for longer period of time with minimal impact to themselves.

      In my demo it’s not living at home, it’s people who spend their 20s working low-age jobs but living high-wage lifestyle due to parents paying their rent and other major expenses. And usually when they do get cut off… they transition to a high paid job via another degree, or they get married.

      Also there is the issue emotional co-dependence, some parts are just totally co-dependent on their kids emotionally and don’t want them to ever leave, etc.

      • village604@adultswim.fan
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        7 天前

        My MIL is one of the codependent ones. My SO is basically her parent at this point.

        Luckily my mom thinks MIL is a shitty parent, and actually acts like a parent for my SO.

      • Professorozone@lemmy.world
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        6 天前

        My nephew is in exactly this position. My sister and her husband make plenty of money, they felt emotionally attached, he’s diagnosed as ADHD, so he gets a pass on some things. He’s 32.

        I know millennials hate that older people criticize them and I get it, but every millennial I know is in exactly this position and I don’t understand how anyone can hold his head high knowing he essentially can’t take care of himself.

        On the other hand, I grew up in a different time. I graduated with $9k of debt, not $100k. I devoted decades of my life working to make someone else rich. So who’s smarter, me or my nephew?

        I mean, if they’re ok with him living there, who am I to judge? My only real complaint is that he feels entitled to things he hasn’t earned. My sister plays disc golf with me. He played with us briefly. He won’t let her use “his” discs. The discs she paid for. He demands to sit in the front seat of the car sometimes, not request it. I’m sorry, but if Mom says she wants the front seat, Mom gets the fucking front seat. Not sure if this is generational or just him. But as a genX, I try to be understanding, because I see how the country has gone, but it can be tough sometimes, because from my perspective, he’s getting a 100% free ride and should be friggin grateful.

        • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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          6 天前

          does he legit have that debt? or are you just generalizing? most people don’t have 100K of debt… some people do and those folks aren’t smart people and their bad choice making tends to compound their situation over time. I have known folks with the 100K of debt… and trust me those people knew what they were doing, they just refused to pay down their debt…

          I had 35K of debt, and paid $15K of it off in two years on a 30K job, because I made it a priority and I didn’t want to be poor forever.

          A lot of bad parents enable their children’s bad choices and they have to live with the consequences. His parents taught him to be entitled and rude probably because they did not practice discipline or punishment for poor actions. But you’re right it’s none of your business really. You can’t fix anyone else’s bad choices. It’s not his generation, it’s just him and how he was raised.

          • Professorozone@lemmy.world
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            5 天前

            No. He has no debt. I meant that as a general statement about how things were more affordable for me than for millennials. It was easier for me to forge out on my own than it is for today’s youth. I’ve just heard of people graduating with $100k. It really makes you switch your thinking. Before, I would have expected any child of mine to go to college. Now I would understand if he or she didn’t want to. I have no children, so I dodged that bullet. LOL.

            • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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              5 天前

              the average student debt is like 30K.

              i had a friend who graduated in 2007 with 100K in debt… it was also possible to do that 20 years ago… if you were really dumb. She was really dumb. She had that debt load from a lower-cost public school… she just make really bad financial choices… and then went ot graduate school for 6 years so the debt wasn’t’ getting paid back… and then got a low-wage job afterward… yeah

    • HerbGrower@slrpnk.net
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      7 天前

      32 here, my parents divorced which kicked me out as they sold the house in my early 20s. From friends I see some still live at home, but those that do all pay rent or help out in some way.

    • braxy29@lemmy.world
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      7 天前

      we don’t know what his parents did or didn’t do leading up to op’s brief synopsis.

      • Professorozone@lemmy.world
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        6 天前

        I think we can infer, based on the fact that a grown ass man is still living with his parents and clearly not helping financially since he has no clue how to get a job.

  • Bluedragon012@lemmy.world
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    7 天前

    Depending on where they live in the us and assuming it’s real, all he’ll need to do is get to a shelter. Make it clear that he needs help, then do the things asked. This all assumes he is mentally stable and physically well. there are programs but they do not hold your hand. They are not great, they are not the best as compared to other countries, but it is something. If he clean on drug tests and criminal there are many places that will take him. It won’t be pleasant.

    If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.

    As many pointed out, this world is grossly difficult and Unfair, but as long as one is kind, truthful, and continues to try, people will at least attempt to help, or at least tell you honestly they can’t.

    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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      7 天前

      all he’ll need to do is get to a shelter

      Famously very luxurious, accommodating, and safe places to live long term. There’s never a space shortage. You get three squares a day of very tasty and nutrious faire, no questions asked. There’s never any kind of Kafka-esque bureaucracy to gaining entrance, much less obligations on the people in the shelter to maintain residence. It’s definitely not boring. Nobody is ever exploited. Mental health of all the residents is top notch and you never experience and physical violence or emotional abuse while there.

      It won’t be pleasant.

      Understatement.

      If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.

      “I’m broke, I have no transportation, and I’m about to be homeless”

      “Have you talked to your lawyer about it?”

      • BlueFootedPetey@sh.itjust.works
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        7 天前

        I feel like you are being a cunt on purpose, most of those points where addressed in the comment. Ok the lawyer one needed clarification. Disability lawyers are a little easier (not easy, easier) to obtain while in a homeless and jobless state. Starting off pro bono and eventually getting paid from the state in one way or another, or thro charities/non profits is not uncommon for them.

        Yes it was a understatment about shelter life. But you got so dum and smarmy about it. Its still better that the fucking street. (at least in an american east coast city). Yea your still gonna get robbed, but their is a much lower chance of getting stomped, lit on fire, or just fucking raped.

      • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com
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        6 天前

        Do you believe that having a roof over your head is a human right? I certainly do. Yes even the most detestable people in the world deserve a roof over their heads, with a place to sleep, and a functioning toilet and shower and some space to store their belongings.

        This should be the bare minimum that all people are guaranteed by society but apparently that’s a very high bar

  • ∃∀λ@programming.dev
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    7 天前

    There should be a government program to handle situations like this if there aren’t. Take an assessment of their current skills and interests and get them into employment and/or training for something that fits. You basically need to intervene when the parents won’t and do it in a way that’s as least stressful for the person as possible. It would pay off in the end because otherwise this person may end up on government assistance later when they most need it. Politicians who can pull this off may get to claim to have reduced unemployment in their reelection campaign. And it’s just a good thing to do. Some people won’t take the initiative. You have to do it for them and hold their hand.

    Edit: As far as I can tell, the closest thing to this in the US is the one-stop centers. Each state has their own.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_employment_service

    • Nalivai@lemmy.world
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      7 天前

      Wait, you guys don’t have that? US I assume? Damn, does your government do anything?

      • TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world
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        7 天前

        I don’t think the federal government has a program like this, but I went through unemployment after getting laid off last year in Massachusetts and they had resources to help you find careers and training/qualifications and whatnot. Some of the dumbest, lowest empathy people you encounter bitch about Communist Taxachusetts non stop but we have it pretty good here compared to some other places in the Union.

        • 5318008@lemmy.ml
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          7 天前

          The tax revenue per capita in Massachusetts is about $9000. (source)

          I measure it this way because it gets around the comparison problem of some places having no income tax, but high sales tax toake up for it.

          Anyway, we should happily pay $4000 per year difference to not live in Oklahoma.

      • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
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        7 天前

        The only thing our government actually does that’s uncontroversial is running a bunch of parks, and even those are understaffed

      • RamRabbit@lemmy.world
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        6 天前

        There are plenty of programs to help you get a job. Though, if you are 38, living with your parents, and never got off your ass to support yourself, the problem is you. A program that helps you get a job can’t do shit for you if you are this unmotivated.

    • OctopusNemeses@lemmy.world
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      7 天前

      Japan is probably the closest by actually having the hikikomori problem in public discourse. Most of the rest of the world they probably end up homeless.

      • tetris11@feddit.uk
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        7 天前

        Japan is just ahead of the curve when it comes to problems related to arrested development. They’re not better at planning, they just experienced their tipping point earlier

      • TeaWithDani@lemmy.world
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        7 天前

        Lots of people end up on welfare and in social housing under similar situations. We stigmatize those people so much that it never enters public discourse in the same way.

        People who are unhoused tend to have even more severe difficulties resulting in that situation.

    • Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      7 天前

      There’s also temp agencies. They’re shit and the jobs they give you will be shit but they’re pretty good at finding something for basically anyone who isn’t completely unemployable. Someone whose only issues are a lack of transportation, housing, and work history would still be considered a good get by most temp agencies.

    • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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      7 天前

      this already exists, it’s called temp agency employment. no, the government doesn’t run it.

      baffles me how little real world experience a lot of you people have. at least every other day on here I see someone spectulate abotu this ‘great thing that should exist’ and it already does.

      also a ton of bigger public libraries offer these types of services/classes for free. including basic computer job skills and such…

      but you’d have to actually… look it up and leave your house to do any of this.

      • TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world
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        7 天前

        I wish my government had some social safety nets like some other countries do to help out people like this

        HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF SHITTY PRIVATE BUSINESSES THAT SORT OF KIND OF DO THAT BUT NOT ACTUALLY? GO OUTSIDE YOU MORON!

        Are you OK and if not would you like a hug?

        • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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          7 天前

          because it works perfectly fine if you’re not a helpless moron, that’s why.

          lots of people start their careers through temp job training programs and become permanent hires.

          i’m not dumb and niave enough to be lemmy brained to think government programs are inherently flawness and wonderful and private/semi public programs are evil and terrible.

          i have what they call ‘real life experience’ in these matters. instead of being a keyboard warrior who types in all caps and insults people as if this is in anyway helpful of knowledgeable about the world and how it works.

          but hey man, it’s easy to dwell in ignorance and rage at the world than… make use of resources that are readily available to you to improve your life. including the countless free ones on the internet that are both public and private…

          clearly the ‘answer’ to problems like this is to daydream about a socialist/communist utopia and be angry it doesn’t exist and also wish violence upon those who point out to you that it’s never going to exist.

          • LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works
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            6 天前

            Fine, I’ll bite the bait.

            because it works perfectly fine if you’re not a helpless moron, that’s why.

            Counter-point: lots of people are helpless morons at some point in their life. I certainly was. I was lucky enough to have family and friends and skills that were in demand at the time. Others are less fortunate. Fuck’em, I got mine, I guess?

            lots of people start their careers through temp job training programs and become permanent hires.

            Temp agencies are not there to help you, not even there to make the economy better or society fairer. They are there to fill temporary positions for as little money as possible, period. Sometimes, their and your interests overlap partly. Plus, they help avoid hiring people long-term. Fear of joblessness every few months is a great motivation to work more for less. I’ve seen it plenty of times, and while there are degrees of hell, all of them suck.

            i have what they call ‘real life experience’ in these matters

            Me too. I was on welfare for half a year and not having to worry about my immediate survival gave me the time I needed to hunt for a half-decent job and convince myself to go to college. Now, a decade later, I have an engineering master degree and get to work on some cool stuff. Without government support, I’d probably have jumped at the first shitty job I got and would be stuck there. What’s your life experience? Pulled yourself up by your bootstraps while walking uphill both ways?

            clearly the ‘answer’ to problems like this is to daydream about a socialist/communist utopia and be angry it doesn’t exist and also wish violence upon those who point out to you that it’s never going to exist.

            As someone from a not-yet-a-total-shithole country, those things exist over here, and while they are as bad at their job as one expects, at least they are there. A cynic public officer half-heartedly trying to get you to become a tax-paying citizen is leagues better than nothing. It’s not a day dream when it clearly exists outside of dystopian ex-first-world countries like the US. Everyone benefits if people get off the street and/or their couch and do something “useful”. I’m happily paying taxes that support welfare, education and coaching, and I’d much prefer it, both from an ethical and an economical point of view, if the government started properly collecting taxes from billionaires and big companies than go after that mystical welfare freeloader.

            • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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              6 天前

              feelings aren’t actions man. you can sit around feeling your feelings all day, I’ll be taking action and taking charge of my life.

              • TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world
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                4 天前

                Lol dang you think you’re the only one here doing regular, normal adult things but for some reason getting upset and hostile about it. That’s not a healthy way to go about life.

      • ∃∀λ@programming.dev
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        7 天前

        but you’d have to actually… look it up and leave your house to do any of this.

        That’s the problem. The sort of person we’re talking about isn’t going to do this. What’s needed is an army of people incessantly knocking on doors offering to help.

        • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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          7 天前

          they aren’t going to open the door either man.

          you can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. homeless, drug addicts, dependapotamus situations etc.

          though on lemmy people think a political revolution is going to like… magically fix people like this… but the only person who will is themselves.

    • Psythik@lemmy.world
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      7 天前

      Similar situation happened with my girlfriend. Her parents did nothing for her, while mine did everything for me. She’s younger than me but I still rely on her to take care of certain adult tasks, like scheduling appointments and making phone calls. I have too much anxiety to do it on my own. One time I got a job at a call center to get over my fear of phone calls, and the only thing that did was make it worse. People are so much more rude when they can’t see your face!

      • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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        7 天前

        People are so much more rude when they can’t see your face!

        Unsolicited sales calls - especially at modern day volumes - are about as well-received as someone knocking on your toilet stall to try and convert you to Jesus.

        Getting a call center job to overcome your fear of phones sounds like getting waterboarded to overcome your fear of drowning.

        • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
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          6 天前

          Getting a call center job to overcome your fear of phones sounds like getting waterboarded to overcome your fear of drowning.

          Obviously it’s not a universal experience but it worked for me. I was on a help desk where I was actually able to fix shit for people though, not doing sales cold calls or something annoying like that.

          • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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            6 天前

            Ah, fair. That can be a very different experience, especially if you’re working with a consistent group of people who recognize you as someone flying in to their rescue.

            • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
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              6 天前

              Yeah, prior to that as a teenager I worked at an auto shop which kind of let me dip my toes into dealing with the public. I could work the counter or if I got overwhelmed just stay in the back. That helped too but I hated the sales aspects of it.

      • Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world
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        7 天前

        I think people who do work that involves contact with the general public have to be petty emotionally resilient. I am no good at it. A lot of the public are utter wankers and throw you into fight or flight mode.

        • Psythik@lemmy.world
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          5 天前

          I mean as someone who has worked 20 years in the service industry, I get that, but I can handle a Karen in person because I can be big, loud, and intimidating enough until they go away. Unfortunately you can’t punch someone through the phone, and that’s where my anxiety over phone calls comes from. People are so much worse to you when there’s no chance they could get punched in the mouth.

      • PrimeMinisterKeyes@leminal.space
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        7 天前

        Throughout my life, I’ve befriended several people like that. They all have mental or physical disabilities, but you would never know until they told you.

        • Polisheocket@lemmy.zip
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          7 天前

          I only know one person like this and he actually tries but parents are rich and he gets fired from everything he does so he ends up back into old habits

      • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com
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        6 天前

        I’d assume an extreme situation of executive dysfunction combined with some amount of mental illness. Anon’s parents are most likely middle class and don’t want him to be homeless, and may have not engaged enough with him as a kid/teen and left him to his own devices too much leaving him socially and emotionally stunted compared to his peers.

        It’s really a challenge that compounds on itself. You feel stunted compared to your peers, so you interact with them less thereby getting less chances to build those social-emotional skills. You pull in more and spend your time isolated and slowly your views of the world get warped by whatever media you consume instead of spending time touching grass and talking to real people in the real world. This then makes it harder to get a job which then makes it harder to go out into the real world to course-correct. As you get older it becomes a bigger and bigger red flag that you’ve never worked or lived independently, so people are less likely to connect with you. You become more weird and off-putting, and it’s just a death spiral that ends with a sink or swim situation of some sort unless the individual happens to connect with someone with the patience to help them build those social-emotional skills they missed out on years before (most commonly a romantic partner or a real life friend)

    • distal@lemmy.ml
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      6 天前

      I am going to be rude and say that this mindset is completely mentally ill.

      • BeerStainedBunny@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        6 天前

        You’d be projecting a lot onto my simple statement. Not everything is about you and your personal issues.

        Edit: Just saw this was a tankie so this checks out.

        • distal@lemmy.ml
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          6 天前

          I am not even an ML. So you can actually go fuck yourself with this dishonest attempt at a character assassination. “I’m glad my parents didn’t give a shit about me.” is still an insane thing to say.

      • skisnow@lemmy.ca
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        6 天前

        It’s not just rude, it makes you look dumb as well. People can have different experiences and views to yours without it being a symptom of mental illness.

        • distal@lemmy.ml
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          6 天前

          I don’t think you are considering how people are interdependent. Let’s assume someone abandons their child, let’s also forget anon in the post here for the sake of simplicity, it signals to the child that they are on their own and that they can make it on their own. This is a falsification of how things work in real life. If you now have a bunch of people who think that they are the masters of their story, you get essentially what’s been happening since the capitalist revolutions, the subjectivity of, for example, Americans. And that becomes toxic at some point because it’s all about intentionally blinding yourself in regards to the context that things happen in, people start being unable to put themselves in the shoes of others, they can’t deal with topics that in the most literal sense concern the environment. Where it gets proper mentally ill is when people internalise as having been in their interest, or as the guy who I’m replying to would put it “I’m glad my parents didn’t give a shit about me.”

  • mr_sunburn@lemmy.ml
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    7 天前

    A few people here mentioning this has happened to someone they know. Does anyone have any successful transition to independence stories for older adults? There’s someone in my family that I love, but that pretty much fits this description. Does anyone have advice on what helps?

    • Hoimo@ani.social
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      7 天前

      I’d start with making them understand that independence is good for everyone involved. Then small steps towards independence, starting with a simple part-time job. The important part here is that they see more people than just their direct family, to show them the different ways people can function in society.

      If this works out, help them identify some personal goals. The hard part of being a shut-in is that you have no agency over your life, so you give up on all your goals. Once you have a little agency, you can start finding goals again. Simple ones at first: saving up some emergency funds, getting a driver’s license, making a weekend trip to get out of the house for a couple nights.

      Also assuming they are classic shut-ins and not caretaker-type shut-ins: learning how to take care of the household, cooking, developing skills around the house. It’s low barrier to entry, they are already in the house after all.

      Source: was a NEET for 5 years

    • TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world
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      7 天前

      Depends on how you define it. I knew a couple of guys who just grew up and did a boot camp and got programmer jobs, or took a job with their parent or friend of parents company. Also a few women, and one guy, who just married a wealthy spouse so they could continue to be moochers forever. One or two had their parents move out and give them the house while they did low-wage work.

      I have never known anyone of the ‘basement dweller’ variety though, these are all wealthy folks from wealthy families who had tons of social connections. I met them in college/graduate school.

      Also knew a couple of people who just never had a job and lived on poverty-income but from their inherited stock returns. They were into speed running games…

  • treesquid@lemmy.world
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    6 天前

    38, never had a job, about to get one or starve. Sink or swim, parasite. You don’t need a plan, you just start hitting up all the grocery stores, fast food joints and temp agencies before your supply of ramen runs out. Temp agencies will send anyone with a pulse to stack product on pallets at whatever factories are local.

    • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
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      6 天前

      If his parents were going to do this they should have done it 20 years ago, or preferably got him some help for whatever is wrong with him that’s made him live like this. He’s fucked if he doesn’t have someone to room with. Entry level jobs aren’t going to cover housing let alone food and other essentials.

      • Guy Ingonito@reddthat.com
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        6 天前

        Yeah, these are all things his parents had a duty and obligation to teach him and they failed.

        I’m seeing it more and more. Parenting is hard so people don’t even attempt it.

      • TotalSonic@lemmy.world
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        6 天前

        That advice worked into the 1990’s, and even some in the 00’s (at least in my GenXer direct experience). But it ain’t working now, that’s for sure.

        • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com
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          6 天前

          Eh it worked 10 years ago as well, but I’ve not been in retail/entry level jobs for about that long. Just walk in or visit the store website and fill out an application. Turnover is so high in these shitty entry level roles that they’re always looking for new blood

          Heck a recruiter I talked to 8 years ago is still including me on mass texts about immediate openings at warehouses and factories for laborers with the most recent just a couple of days ago

          Do these jobs suck? Yeah, but they’ll hire anyone with a pulse who can show up sober, and oftentimes sobriety is optional. It’ll get the person out of the house and earning some money which should help their mental state as well since staying inside 24/7 and having no structure to your life is a recipe for depression

      • Earthwormjim91@lemmy.world
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        6 天前

        If we’re talking about grocery stores, fast food, and gas stations that absolutely still works lmao.

        Pretty much all the minimum wage places still have walk in job applications. Often times they’ll just interview you on the spot.

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      6 天前

      I’ll be honest bud, I’m 40 and have continuously held a job since I was 14. But given the choice between destitution and your plan, I’d choose destitution. The parasite in this society isn’t the fragile souls not capable of sustaining this abuse.

    • Seth Taylor@lemmy.world
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      6 天前

      This comment is so outdated I had to blow the dust off of it before I read it, like an ancient clay tablet

      I hope anon doesn’t break his back carrying all those stones he carved his CV into. Good news is he can deliver his CV really quickly. Just chuck it at the window.

    • distal@lemmy.ml
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      6 天前

      Some people have disabilities, they might not be visible. Truth is even they have needs and to say “sink or swim” reeks of cynicism and plain hatred for humans and closing one’s eyes to the human condition. You say that he should just go to work. As if people exist in a vacuum and can apply for jobs and get them. It’s clear that he has issues, guy has not been able to work. You can’t seriously believe that the system will want to employ him.

      • whereitsat@lemmy.zip
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        6 天前

        you push someone with mental disabilities (untreated adhd/ocd/anxiety/whatever) into low-wage labor and they just end up as contestants on /publicfreakout/ or tiktok, when they invariably get into a fight with the manager or customer or whatever.

        then all the privileged yuppies on the internet can critique their behavior and the situation to determine who’s right and wrong.

        that’s our culture. we’re already in some dystopian hellhole but most of it is so subtle and outside the lines of ‘normal thinking’ that people don’t notice it.

        • distal@lemmy.ml
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          6 天前

          A lot of it is because people take reality for granted and to arrive at the whys is difficult because there exists a whole industry that legitimises the present state of things. Think of Fox news, or the Washington Post, or the Guardian – who would rather want more competent people in charge of an inherently antirationalist system than to fully overcome it. As more and more people are immiserated they will gain the knowledge of the absurd contradictions that have been considered normal and desire to supersede their masters. So in this culture there is a fragment of overcoming the metastability of infinite growth and so on.

      • Fredthefishlord@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        6 天前

        Some industries will hire anyone with a pulse and they are often hungry for people (not right now, anon will be fucked, since the economy is fucked). Certainly there’s some disabilities that’d lock you out of those options, but not too many.

        • distal@lemmy.ml
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          6 天前

          not right now, anon will be fucked, since the economy is fucked

          Yeah, but that is the reality. You can have your hypothetical grabby industries all you want, if they don’t exist and don’t provide what you claim they provide, which is a life, than you are talking about a fantasy. Plus the point about disabilities is not one where variety matters, how many disabilities there are, what matters is that people have those disabilities and the fact that very often people do have those disabilities.

        • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com
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          6 天前

          Plus being a shut in that lives at home and relies on your parents for literally everything is a recipe for severe mental illness.

          The Internet isn’t real life, so when a person spends literally all of their time at home on the computer doing nothing of value they can easily find themselves with a very warped sense of reality that can only be broken by going outside, touching some grass and interacting with some real people.

          There’s also quite a few life skills that can’t really be taught and have to be learned by working a job, living on your own and managing your own finances

      • forbiddencherry@lemmy.today
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        6 天前

        I see nothing in the greentext image mentioning a disability. To me it reads as a lazy moocher that thought they could live as a parasite off their parents goodwill for their entire life and is getting a long overdue wakeup call.

        • distal@lemmy.ml
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          6 天前

          I’m afraid you don’t understand what it means to be disabled. Disability is when people stop being able to function in daily life. As far as anon is concerned, this probably happened right when he got his HS diploma. Anon is exhibiting severe social dysfunction which is likely aggravated by C-PTSD, Autism, or a schizoform disorder.

          • forbiddencherry@lemmy.today
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            6 天前

            Imagine telling a disabled person they don’t know what it means to be disabled. Now, to be fair, there’s no reason that you could have known that about me. However, that’s kind of the point: you’re making all sorts of unwarranted assumptions and then treating them as facts.

            • distal@lemmy.ml
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              6 天前

              I mean you don’t. If anon were to go to the psychologist, the psychologist would tell him that he has significant mental issues. A disability if you will. That is a fact.

              Why you preach this pulling yourself up the bootstraps mentality is beyond me. Completely antithetical to what the vast majority of disabled people need to hear.