There’s only two classes: Marxist-Leninist or Class Traitor 
This is fantastic
Caffiene doesn’t do a fucking thing because I have unmedicated ADHD and coffee tastes like shit, where do this land me.
Caffiene doesn’t do a fucking thing
Same but I love the flavour of good drip coffee
4Loko
maoist third worldism
Acid Marxism
Very proletarian because coffee mostly comes imported from colonies or former colonies
Hoxhaist all day
Gonna tip you on your turtle back
Oh no! I’m a left-com!
Oh yes we are!
Its funny because my first exposure to Marxism was via left-coms, and I’m heating my Bialetti as I type this, so I’m just kinda like, totally accurate!
Full on left-com over 20 years now…makes sense to me.
I’m not actually a leftcom
I just use leftcom coffee methods. I didnt think this post would bring self proclaimed leftcoms to the table. I dont drink much coffee at home so a lil stove top guy is great. I drink my ML drip at work. I dont drink much coffee at home cause usually stuff I’m doing at home being jittery makes it harder. But im not one and I think they should smarten up! Same goes for every leftist ideology that im not totally on board with. Just do the thing I think is right.
I take caffeine pills.
I think that means I’m an accelerationist.
The mark of the vanguard
I feel like Anarchist is an AeroPress. Functional for an individual, but breaks down at scale. Also really fun and makes good coffee and can be used when you’re out camping.
The only coffee brewing method that makes you read theory is the espresso machine so it can’t be liberal, maybe if it were a full auto machine or one ran by a treat slave
Where’s aeropress?
Aeropress is neoliberal.
I aeropress strikes me as something Italians would like therefore its fascist
Nah Italians are moka pot people.
The Aeropress was developed by a Stanford engineer, it’s got elements of the French press, but also has a paper filter. It’s a big tent stew of things, so it’s the DSA method.
When I hear aeropress I think “person who goes in the woods to drink coffee but is insufferable about it” and that’s like… retired cops, climbing bros that took econ 101 and think they know everything, and nepo babies.
I’m sorry but this is theory now. Time to struggle.
It’s the only free coffee maker I’ve ever gotten, and I put whatever coffee I find on the discount shelf in it, wait until it’s cold, and then drink it. The only reason I bring it with me anywhere is that I don’t want to pay for fresh coffee, and it won’t break in a bag that gets knocked around.
My friend I am being silly enjoy your squished coffee
All I saw was “retired fascist, fascist know-it-all, and fascist blueblood”
Haha, but I have a dastardly escape plan: neoliberals are fascists
CURSES I HAVE BEEN FOILED
speaking of which I noticed you haven’t shared what your favorite coffee making method is
My favorite is drip but I don’t want plastic on my boiling water so I do pour over ALAS
Italians would pry not accept anything less than an espresso machine.
I’m pretty sure the moka express is canonically the fascist/Italian futurist coffee machine.
Or, for that matter, instant?
Instant is fascist
Instant is lumpen hands down
All I’m saying is Hindutva and reactionary construction guys love instant
So do all the old Korean grandparents that are being worked to death in South Korea because capitalism hates retirements
I declare special dispensation for Korean uncles and grandpas
The KCIA declares you a communist and dissappear you into a blacksite to enhanced interrogate you until you’re willing to appear on cheesy Korean boomer shows and talk about the horrors of North Korea torturing you into eating rats that are being tortured into eating you at the same time while pulling a train with ropes.
instant
Lumpenproletariat
Hell yeah
Probably primitivist. Everyone I know that uses an aeropress loves it because it is more practical to take camping than other methods.
Pour over is just a drip machine you have to run yourself so it should be orthodox Marxists that are really into communes and running a factory there, run it just you know however seems good bro.
I know a guy who makes coffee exclusively with a blender. (If you can guess how you get a gold star) What’s his political alignment?
Futurist hands down.
Socdem or left liberal. Not sure why.
He grinds the beans with the blender, then puts them into a filter and back on top the blender?
He does not grinds his own beans. But very good guess.
Centrist
Since the reasonable guesses have been made I’m wondering if you are making homemade Frappuccinos
It isn’t me. But I have made homemade frappucinos. I think the mess of cleaning a blender is not worth a single cup of anything though.
I haven’t but now I want to!
It’s honestly just as good as what you get from a coffee shop, since the quality of the actual coffee is drowned out by all the other ingredients. Pretty easy too. Would recommend, except for the cleaning.
The trick is to use xanthan gum or some other emulsifier. That keeps the ice from separating out, and it helps the flavors shine through. But in the blender only use the tiniest amount, like a pinch, otherwise it will turn into… gum
Woah that’s a good tip thanks! I never would’ve guessed I just cope with my ice bits in my smoothies lol
He uses one of those ninja blenders that can spin fast enough to heat the brew?
No, and I can’t ever let him know that those exist.
That’s possible? I only had a blender that would spin fast enough to melt some plastic parts and self destruct
I don’t know if it could actually get to a good temp for coffee but I have seen it as an advertised feature that you can set it to warm mode and it will heat the liquid by spinning at a higher rate. I’d love to see one self-destruct though.
The bearing connecting the spinning blade to the motor crapped out and the friction melted the plastic. For a while I’d just have plastic pieces in the smoothie but eventually a larger chunk of plastic around the bearing got loose and the blender would no longer hold liquid.
I’m guessing he takes ground coffee and tosses that in a blender with some water (not sure if it’s hot water or if he’s a cold brew man) and blends it up to brew it, then waits for the grounds to settle (or strains them out with his teeth?)
I said exclusive, he does not use a kettle or any other kind of secondary instrument. That water is not going in hot. But you’re pretty damn close. Like you’re almost tasting the abomination he calls coffee. Silver star.
I’m too invested I gotta figure this out.
So cold water and grounds go in, blender goes on, I’m guessing no filter, does a mug/cup count as a secondary instrument? No microwave either if this is exclusively blender-based, so he just pours himself a slurry of cold-to-room-temperature water and ground coffee and drinks that?
I don’t count the cup if it’s used as a vessel for drinking as a secondary instrument. If used as a part of the coffee making process, then it would be a secondary instrument. A filter would be a secondary instrument, and so goes unused.
You've basically got it, but if you want all the horrible details then press this button.
Half the time it’s instant coffee. A little bit of water and his coffee grounds or instant coffee goes in the blender, he blends for a bit, then pours in some more water, blends some more, adds his creamer and his sweetener, blends again, lets it settle if its grounds and then pours it in a cup.
He calls it “Turkish coffee” when he uses grounds because there’s always a bunch of grounds that end up in his cup.
I don’t know why he does it like this. It doesn’t even save him time.Oh duh I forgot the cream and sugar, of course this dude isn’t drinking that abomination black.
I have more questions than when I started though. Why bother with grounds at all, why not just stick to instant coffee? Why the blender? It sounds like more work than just about any other coffee making method, and it can’t taste good, so why?
I can ask him if you want, and tell you when he gets back to me.
men would rather make blender coffee than go to therapy
Please do, I’m incredibly curious what leads someone down the path of deciding a blender is the best way to make coffee
Choas.
138 replies to a post about coffee and it’s not an incomprehensible struggle session?
Come on hexbear i expect better
tea is the true drink of the proletariat but y’all aren’t ready for that discussion
i drink three cups a day, i must be more powerful than president xi.
I imagine him double fisting his tea
Apparently I’m Maoist at home, ML at work
I am going to stand up for instant coffee.
It’s shit but it gets that caffeine in you fast and damn it that’s what I drink coffee for
I dump instant coffee in my mug until it refuses to dissolve anymore. Then I prepare a second mug and drink both.
I think at this point just doing cocaine would be healthier.
Oh man your poor heart rip
Do you drink it or eat it with a spoon?
Hey, some of that instant coffee is pretty good
I make special trips to get Beanie’s Cappuccino crystals
Stuff is smooth and tasty
Kopiko is good
At work I have instant coffee with powdered milk and saccharine. Wonderful brew
Same, though you can make it tasty by what you add to it. Also great for on the go where water is plentiful because you can carry it with a measuring spoon or measure it out into baggies or capsules.
Wait, are we posadists?
I’m an ML that sometimes dabbles in hoxhaism
In a related note does anyone have this chart but for cigarette holding style?
Yeah, but I’d have to go through memes from a leftbook group from 2016 to find it.
