I had notions of doing something more intellectual with this post but life is what it is and as such I have delayed my effortpost about The Indigenously Produced Unmagnified Gunsights of Cuba once again. I’m going to talk about music again this time.

Oceanlab was a side project of Above & Beyond and vocalist Justine Suissa, who was also the primary songwriter. Sirens of the Sea was their sole album and it is very, very important to me.

Ok so it’s EDM okay? To be precise it’s some particular style of vocal trance but its singer-songwriter vocal trance. Above & Beyond does this really cool thing where they tend to actually collaborate with their vocalists by getting them involved with the creative process, writing lyrics, production and all that. Now, the lyrics aren’t particularly complex and they won’t impress any pretentious nerds but they resonate with me and that’s what it’s about yeah? Oh yeah and they do acoustic versions sometimes??? which is wild??

I was lucky enough to discover this group twice, the first time was on some lonely night when I was a teen. I came across Clear Blue Water (a single) on Grooveshark (rip), checked out the rest of their discography, thought it was pretty, and proceeded to forget about it for a decade and a half.

I am almost embarrassed to admit just how much Sirens of the Sea affected me when I rediscovered it in the autumn of ‘23. It was like a hug, a cup of coffee, and a sit-down with the Jungian archetype of the kind of woman I admired the most and wanted so dearly to become. The kind of woman who carried empathy, knew failure, was capable of struggle, yet always embraced the love and joy of life. I can’t really articulate how, but this album helped me lay down my grieving for the years I spent otherwise.

My favorite track is “On a Good Day”, and I consider it to be the theme song of my post-transition life. I just cried listening to it, like actually right now, as I write this I still got a little bit of tears drying on my cheek. “If I Could Fly” is a total bop and they did something to the rhythms towards the end of that one and it does really good shit to my brain. “Miracle” is about climate change, it slaughters me HARD because it came out over two decades ago and nothing has changed.

Under this spoiler there are the lyrics of “On a Good Day” because I thought I should include them.

a little bit lost and

a little bit lonely

little bit cold here

a little bit of fear

but I hold on and I feel strong

and I know that I can

I’m getting used to it

lit the fuse to it

like to know who I am

I’ve been talking to myself forever

and how I wish I knew me better

still sitting on a shelf and never

never seen the sun shine brighter

and it feels like me on a good day

I’m a little bit hemmed in

a little bit isolated

a little bit hopeful

a little bit calm

but I hold on and I feel strong

and I know that I can

I’m getting used to it

lit the fuse to it

like to know who I am

I’ve been talking to myself forever,

and how I wish I knew me better,

still sitting on a shelf and never

never seen the sun shine brighter

and it feels like me

on a good day

This is the end of this post. Take care of yourselves. Tomorrow needs you, as does the next day, and every day after.

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  • gaystyleJoker [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
    4·
    4 months ago

    HELLO THIS IS THE MEGA SIGN UP POST/LIST POST

    if you have a preferred week please tell me

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    ​ * after name denotes someone who has posted before and will be skipped by first-time posters

  • shallot [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    20·
    4 months ago

    Started replaying disco elysium and I forgot how uncomfortable being Harry makes me feel. I spent enough years being a way-too-drunk, majorly depressed embarrassment in real life. They really did nail the feeling though. Yuck.

    • GenderIsOpSec [she/her, kit/kit's]@hexbear.netEnglish
      12·
      4 months ago

      a lot of cool games have been made unplayable for me because of their male protagonism, I was pretending to be a dude for too long, I do not wish for it to continue.

      Years ago there was someone trying to mod Planescape Torment to have a female protagonist and I scoffed at that at the time. Today I fuckin get it though catgirl-flop

    • Wmill [they/them, fae/faer]@hexbear.netEnglish
      5·
      4 months ago

      I’ve only ever played the game sober and did my best to unlock waste land of reality for it, it’s such a powerful thought and put into perspective my own decision to stay sober tbh

  • TerminalEncounter [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    19·
    4 months ago

    Trans girl who is completely unaware of how pretty she is and is even hostile to the suggestion she’s pretty is such a stereotype, I dunno why we’re like this

    • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
      15·
      4 months ago

      Also my nips hurt who did this to me

      uhh very-smart you i think, unless the government is putting estrogen in the water to make you gay

    • SwitchyandWitchy [she/her]@hexbear.netMEnglish
      7·
      4 months ago

      Ooooo that sounds so comfy! I think I might have to do something similar tonight comfy

      Wait till you accidentally bump them on a door frame or something, I half doubled over and stumbled over to my bed to catgirl-flop the first time (and a few more times since I’m clumsy). Don’t worry though, the pain goes away with time even while the growth continues. They’re still sensitive for me but nothing like early on.

  • meler [she/her, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
    15·
    4 months ago

    One of my friends asked me how my transition was going out of nowhere and I was so confused why I was being asked this and answered

    “Uh It’s fine I guess I inject my estrogen every week idk what kinda answer you’re looking for here”

    But turns out they were asking about my housing transition lmaooooo

  • Wake [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netMEnglish
    14·
    4 months ago

    Things continue to trans along transally. 21 months of hrt and I would say that the character creation gender slider is pretty much right in the center. I’m not out at work and I don’t know how no one has said anything to me. The CIS are truly oblivious.

    • SuperZutsuki [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      6·
      4 months ago

      Literally. I’m at one year and have no facial hair or beard shadow, boobs, noticably bigger ass, my skin is fucking glowing, I’m always wearing girly earrings, and regularly have my nails painted. I don’t wear makeup at work and my uniform is pretty baggy but I’m very surprised no one has said anything.

  • Moss [they/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    14·
    4 months ago

    I was talking with a girl from Hinge, we were getting along really well, probably around 300 messages sent in the first two nights. Then a couple of days ago she seemed to complete lose interest and dropped me like a rock, not asking questions anymore, only answering with single generic sentences, just saying “that’s good” or “that’s bad”.

    Feels bad. I thought I was really getting somewhere with her and really enjoyed chatting to her, then it’s like a switch flipped and she doesn’t want to know me anymore.

    The moral of the story is absolutely nothing

    • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      7·
      4 months ago

      The moral of the story is absolutely nothing

      Real

      Fwiw I’ve heard a lot of stories of this, seems like a dating app issue. Try not to take it personally.

    • TerminalEncounter [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      7·
      4 months ago

      I fucking hate the apps because theres just too much fucking shit all the time. I way preferred when I was a boy peacefully swiping, maybe a couple matches a day. Easy to juddle. This 50+ likes or matches or whatever the fuck thing a day thing is hell and they all want your attention. and they keep trying to give me a free trial to their shit, no I’m not interested go away and stop spamming me

      • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        8·
        4 months ago

        Tbh one of the biggest problems with apps seems like this, men swiping on every single woman they can. Now you have to do all the curating work.

        And for trans people specifically a lot of them unmatching after they realize / are told after the match. Obviously shitty behavior caused directly by their laziness.

  • RION [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    14·
    4 months ago

    I came out to the oldest friend I still keep in contact with and it went very well. Of course I pretty much knew it would because he’s engaged to a trans person but always good when it actually happens.

    Then he mentioned me having made egg jokes and talked about /r/egg_irl in high school, and I was like “I’m sorry I don’t remember that at all???” But the more I thought about it I started to remember… It was that and furry_irl but that didn’t lead to anything as it happens.

    It’s kind of affirming of course but also unnerving because I had no memory of it before he brought it up. I thought I only started consuming that stuff in college. Has anyone else had this sort of thing happen?