Me (13 years old at the time): Dad, Mom’s cheating on you. I saw her making out with this man.
Dad: Listen here, princess. The guy’s filthy rich, and when you have money, it’s normal to have a hot mistress like your mom.
Me: But aren’t you jealous?
Dad: laughs
I was flabbergasted, lmao.
I was 18 years old at the time this happened
I was walking downtown, and this older white wman (he looked like he was in his forties) was walking towards me and said to me “Hey, you’re pretty cute for a little n***er girl”. (I’m Black you can fill in the blanks I’m sure) and he tried to touch me
And that made me so mad, I felt my face get hot, and i just kicked him in the groins and punched him in the face as hard as I could and then ran away from him fast as I could.
I own a bar and before we opened I reached out to one of those novelty vending machine companies that sells weird stuff and gags. The guy came down to meet to discuss the design of the machine etc, super nice guy. His daughter came too, she was an artist and was going to paint the machine. They sent mockups and got to work, everything seemed good to go ahead of our opening.
A week before we open, I reach out to see when they want to install it and I get no reply. I try again a few days later and get a very formal message to the effect of “we’re super sorry but we’re not going to be able to pursue this opportunity at this time, best of luck”. I’m pissed that time was wasted, the machine was finished, I had seen final pictures with our logo and design etc. I figured maybe they got some bigger offer from like the local stadium to install a machine that they couldn’t pass up.
Months go by, I’ve found another company that’s working on a new machine for us. Original guy texts me “hey, are you at the bar, I’d love to stop by and explain what happened.” I start to tell a customer at the bar about what happened and I’m like, I don’t wanna talk to this guy in my mind, and I look up, and he’s standing outside the bar in the rain. He comes in, and he looks like he’s been to hell and back.
He’s so different this time, very soft spoken, tail between his legs vibes. He apologizes and said they had a family issue that prevented them from moving forward, but they working on getting back on track. I feel bad and trying to be empathetic, and then the guy goes, “I’m sorry, but my wife just didn’t want me working with you because of David.”
“Who the fuck is David?” I reply. “David Devolla” he says. I have no idea who he’s talking about. I’ve never met his wife, or this David person. Then he goes “wait, can I ask you a weird question? Are you straight?” “Yeah man…”
“GOD DAMNT, SHE DID IT AGAIN” he said. I’m so confused right now. He then proceeds to tell me that his wife has been battling psychosis and having major mental issues. Apparently, this David guy was her former boss that fired her, and even though I’ve never met her, or David, and am straight, she was convinced I was having a secret gay affair with David and told her husband he wasn’t allowed to do business with me. What the actual fuck. Dude started creeping me out big time. He came in again a week later and told me he was driving to Vegas the next morning to marry his wife because even though he said they were married, they never actually were, and he believed doing so would fix her mental state. I follow them on Instagram still and I can tell you, it did not. She posts the absolute weirdest nonsensical things and it’s honestly entertaining to watch but also sad as hell. Bullet dodged, the new company is so so much better, but yikes all around. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Marrying someone to fix their issues is a lot like having a kid to save a marriage.
So you mean it always works?
Had a high school friend who relied on the pullout method bc condoms made things “too awkward.” After a close call with a person (I’ll call them X) who’s life was full of drama:
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m very prolife, but if I found out I was pregnant with X’s baby, I would get an abortion.”
I must have made a face bc she then quickly tried to clarify “If it was Y or Z though, I would keep the baby.” 🤦♀️
Not necessarily unhinged, per se, but I knew a former very high ranking military IED specialist who would sweep the white house and places where the president would be going to before they showed up, every chance he got he bare ass farted on the Bush’s pillows.
He ended up being a pretty shitty guy, but I’m still going to give him Chad points for that one.
I had someone tell me on a first date that they’ve been in love with their younger sister since they were teenagers. There was no second date.
I had a psychologist tell me at 13 that boys my age shouldn’t be interested in sex.
I once sat a bar, having a drunk chat with a guy, who went from your basic “you know what would fix the world? Fluffier dogs!” type talk into “you straight women have it easy, you never have to control yourself when there’s some sexy 14 year old chick around”.
I was far too drunk to give him the proper reaction, but I wasn’t nearly too drunk to get the fuck out.
I find nothing more sus than a man who thinks a desire to commit statutory is normal.
I legit don’t get it, why would you even want a sex partner who is underdeveloped and inexperienced even if there was nothing morally wrong with it? (Which there most DEFINITELY is something morally wrong with it)
Christmas about 4 years ago, my brother went completely around the bend.
His house was the place for our family, my sister-in-law’s family and some family friends to meet for Christmas. Just before Christmas that year he started texting me about Rittenhouse and how he admire the guy for defending himself. Fast forward to when we were at his house, he would only talk about how important the 2nd amendment was, how he admired Rittenhouse, and to top off the shit cake he admitted to being member of the Oathfuckers, breakers… Whatever those fucking idiots call themselves.
He was aggressive about how his worldview was correct and that I did not know what I was talking about. He had been ramping up his power plays over me the past couple of years and I just let it go to wait to see what his “big” play was going to be. Apparently this was it. He even attempted to rewrite family history as well. We had a paternal uncle that died in the Battle of Leyte gulf and I knew well the family history and did a bit of research on my own to discover what really happened to him. World War II records are not exactly state secrets any longer. Well, because my brother was a big wig at the Veteran’s Administration and had all kinds of government clearances yada yada yada, HE had the real scoop, which conflicted somewhat with what I had read.
My god you would have thought I shot his dog he was so pissed when I attempted to speak about what I had learned. To this day I don’t know what his play there was, it was just utterly bizarre.
His final power play was he TOLD me, not asked, but TOLD me he was going to teach my two boys about guns and how to shoot. I had to tell him FOUR FUCKING TIMES that NO, HE wasn’t teaching my kids shit about weapons.
My wife works in Pediatrics… That’s not going to fly. Not to mention I’ve already given them instruction on how to handle firearms in case they come across them for what ever reason. They can pick a gun up, check the safety and clear the chamber of both automatics and revolvers. Sure, they may not be able to shoot the dick off a fly at 400 billion yards, or strip clean and reassemble a 1911 in under 3 seconds blind folded, under water with depth charges going off less than 6 inches away while humming the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”. But they can keep themselves and those around them safe.
Needless to say that was when I punched the big red button and went nuclear on our relationship. Our father died about 2 years after the above event and I had not been in contact with my brother, or my Dad. Dad was being taken care of by this brother, so when I cut that relationship, so did my relationship with my Dad… Which honestly his attitude was going much the same direction anyway. I didn’t even go to Dad’s funeral… Which was completely bizarre.
You see our Dad was in the Navy for 4 years back in the 1950’s. Dad talked about that time and he seemed to have liked his time in the Navy, but it just something he did to get out of his small hometown in West Virginia. It was never a career goal and he spent his entire time as a medic. To see my Dad’s funeral you would have thought that his entire life was spent in the military. My brother made it an entirely military funeral with troops, 21 shots and the whole thing. I understand the military does this for all veterans and I don’t have a problem with it, except my Dad didn’t identify as being a military person AT ALL. He was in the Navy 70 years prior and while he would tell stories and use his medic training on occasion, it was never a part of his personality.
Needless to say I’m very glad I live 400 miles away from what is left of my original immediate family. I miss my sister-in-law as she is a very sweet and caring person and their son. I really wanted my boys to know their cousin… Oh well.
“Stop thinking so much”
- random professor walking by me
I was watching Young Frankenstein with some friends in college in a secluded part of the student center and some rando came up to us and told us, in great detail, about how her cousin raped her repeatedly when they were younger.
Young Frankenstein was ruined for me and I still can’t watch it a decade later.
“Sir, this is a Wendy’s”
I think I’ve heard more unhinged things that the one I’m about to mention, but the others are from drunk randos making shit up or over sharing I don’t know. The one that really hit me is not as crazy but it still pisses me off to this day and it is far more serious than that drunk guy telling me about how he used to masturbate on the backseats of all buses he could get into.
I’ve had an issue with my legs since birth, nothing bad and in fact went unnoticed most my life. Just how my knees are built. Never caused a problem until in my twenties I started getting into the gym. A bad trainer (student doing practice) in a gym recommended me some exercise after I asked for something to change the routine. Long story short, I fucked up my knees, even longer story shorter, a doc specialized in legs and specifically knees told me my options, from which the most reasonable at the time was surgery. Surgery for both knees, 1 first, then recovery then the other. A total of two year plan for it.
Mind you the problem was a physical one about the angle of the bones in my knees. A long time friend of my parents, who works as a researcher and teacher of biology in the university of my city called for whatever reason and my mother told of my leg problem.
This person decided that it was excruciatingly important to ask that the phone is passed to me, to tell me not to go to surgery. Risky, dangerous, and completely unnecessary, when I can have a completely safe alternative. Take some homeopathy pills they said, that will get your knees fixed without issues. I was so shocked coming from that person… Mind you I was in my twenties, so not an entire idiot, and I knew a bit about homeopathy… Having read “bad science” by Ben Goldacre (highly recommended by the way) and got into a spiral of alternative shit and research on the stupidest things people get into. I even have an official diploma from Boiron that they basically gave to anyone who cared to answer some answers right about homeopathy back in the day and that it was incredibly easy to hack (wrong answer? Click back and you could try again, in fact the points for the diploma were stored in plain sight in a cookie that never got reset, I ended up with like 120 points out of 50, there were only 5 questions by the way). No security needed as it had no fucking value like the rest of homeopathic stuff. Or is it less security means more secure in homeopathic terms?
Any way, I’m getting derailed, this fucking person tries to sell me into the homeopathic shit to fix the angle of my knees… I was so shocked I couldn’t even answer. Just said “okbye”, gave the phone away, and asked my parents to never ever put me in the same room with that idiot. It’s been manybyears now and so far I’ve succeeded in avoiding ever seeing or hearing of that person.
So, homeopathy is based around the whole “hair of the dog” type thing. Like cures like and other silliness. What the ever-loving fuck would be in those pills? “Essence” of bad knees? Hip dysplasia gel? Powdered bees’ knees?
Indeed, you are absolutely right. But how do you compare what is like another thing? The original idea of homeopathy was more straightforward in this sense, it wasn’t “like cures like”, it was more “if you were poisoned with x, then a solution of that x element in really small doses will cause you to recover”. With all the shit I give to homeopathy (because nowadays anyone thinking homeopathy works has no excuse), I have to admire it just a bit in its historical context. At a time when “actual” doctors were trying to heal people with bloodletting and washing hands was not really a thing before stuffing them in someone’s wound… Someone came up with an idea that actually was causing less damage than the doctors themselves were, and the idea, ridiculous as it is with our current knowledge, is not far from the actual idea of vaccines. We just know that a small dose won’t heal you, but it might make your antibodies adapt and learn how to fight something negative. If you think it through, it is not entirely far from that basic starting point in homeopathy. Of course they took it to the limit and then became bullshit. I don’t remember who am I quoting but here goes “the alternative medicine that has been proven to work has a name, medicine” (I’m paraphrasing, can’t remember the exact wording, but I’m thinking maybe it was the amazing Tim Minchin in one of his songs/acts?)
From that point it all went to shit and homeopathy became completely absurd because they started loosening the concepts. “Like cures like” ends up working as “I’ll make some shitty comparison and because it kinda works because I say so, it is similar and will cure you”.
Which is how you end up with the real fun stuff in homeopathy. I’ll be talking from memory from many years ago, so take this with a grain of salt, maybe those products where fringe stuff but I’m pretty sure they were all real and sold.
Are you feeling stuck? Maybe when you are working on something? Maybe your stomach? Maybe you are stuck in a bad relationship? Don’t worry, here’s the amazing homeopathy remedy, a dilution of pieces of the wall of Berlin. If they managed to break through, why wouldn’t you? (yes, there is a homeopathic remedy based on the wall of Berlin)
Are you feeling sad? Glum? Unhappy? Is there an idiom for it? Like for instance “are you feeling blue?”… Don’t worry, here you have a dilution of the color blue in homeopathic pill form. (Yes, there’s a bunch of color based homeopathic remedies).
OK enough funny shit descriptions because I cannot really see how I can even begin to describe the one based on dinosaur bones. Or my favorite, black holes. Yes, somehow they sell the idea that they have diluted a black hole effect in water… Don’t ask me. I can’t understand it either.
So yeah like heals like… But when you can make up the comparison it really doesn’t matter.
New copypasta just dropped.
I’m not sure I catch your meaning. You think I copied this? Or that what I wrote is going to become a copypasta? Because the first one isn’t true, and the second one, I just don’t see it happening. It is just a personal anecdote that i doubt would ever really be of any interest for it to become meme material.
It was a compliment. I found it long windedly funny.
Ah, sorry! Thank you then :) the meaning went completely over my head
To be fair, surgeries for back and knees have a pretty high non success rate.
Still higher success rate than homeopathy
But also a much higher rate of complications.
And a much higher chance of actually improving your life. Besides, depending on the idiot trying to sell you some alternative medicine you might actually be off worse
But they obviously didn’t dilute the radioactivity to 1:100 100 times. It would be harmless if they had.
I’m not sure what you are referring to, but that feels to me like a nonsense generalization. I’m no doctor, so my knowledge of back and knee surgeries is limited to my very own experience.
First of all, I can’t see how my surgeries could ever be not successful. The operation in itself is pretty simple, but incredibly bothersome and it won’t fix my knees, it will just prevent them from getting worse with age. But still it would be hard to fuck it up when it comes to the surgery. But again I don’t know about others.
And second, the doctor was absolutely awesome, although a previous one was a piece of shit that I should have sued for malpractice but I’m not from the USA nor was in the USA so sueing doesn’t come to me naturally and since nothing bad happened I let it go, nowadays I’d have been far stricter, but that was a bad doctor, nothing to do with low success rate of knee surgeries. But that made me abandon that asshole and search for a new doctor and I’ll just say he was incredibly nice, easy to deal with and very professional. And later on I discovered he is also a huge name in the field of knee health issues to the point where many professional athletes go to him when they have anything. Don’t know if that skews my perspective but its hard to think how anything could have gone wrong.
When I was 16 my mom got drunk and told me that she was waiting until I graduated high school to leave my father. It’s worth noting that I’m the oldest child, I’d been playing therapist for both parents since I was young, and somehow mom wasn’t the parent that ruined that vacation.
One of the saddest aspects of my life is that she never got to actually leave (cancer diagnosis right before leaving)
You should have told your dad what she said so that he could leave her with no guilt. Or if he chose to stay it would show true character.
Jesus Christ. Do you consider yourself a good person?
That Democrats were aborting babies after they are born, and that immigrants are eating our cats and dogs.
I listened to a video yesterday about the beliefs of sovereign citizens. These whackjobs think the Untied States isn’t a country but a corporation and that they don’t have to obey laws if they opt out of membership. They believe laws about driving only apply to transporting goods and that otherwise you’re merely “traveling”. And other such nonsense I’m not sure how to explain
I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your dad likes to watch.
Reminds me of the time I hit Ctrl h on my dad’s computer and found out he was into sbbw.
Theyve got it worse but still, you wish you could go to the grave not knowing.
RIP
