I’m thinking things like “Same-sung” For Samsung, because all their products look kinda generic and boring, or Ford standing for “Fix Or Repair Daily” because of the engineering and build quality, or “McDiabetes”, for obvious reasons.
Jimmy Johns: similar to Pei Wei & PF Chang’s, there is a fancier, more expensive version of the restaurant named James Jonathan.
Fiat: Fix It Again Tony 🤌🏻🤌🏻
Google: it used to be an in joke with my friends to say “giggle it” instead of google it. Now we don’t use google of course…
Best Buy: Worst Buy
Target: it is pronounced “tar-jay” because it is the fancy version of Walmart
711 was a part time job!
Electronic Farts
Cockstar Games
Ubibad (pronounced You Be Bad)
Micro$haft (pre-MicroSlop era)
Nintendon’t (thank you, SEGA)
Jizzard-Gotnovision
Comcrap Slaveway Krueger Home Despot
I mean microslop is pretty dang good
I usually call them Microshaft
Less good but also M$
Micro$lop
I bet they wish people had stuck with “Micro$oft”
He already named his company after his dick
Swasticar
And their premier vehicle, the CyberStuck
Samsung –> Samsucks
PlayStation –> PayStation (Not a company name, but close enough)
I have a queer friend that calls his GMC Yukon his Gay Man’s Chariot. When we go places in it he usually initiates by saying something like “to the chariot”
That is both awesome and the best acronym for GMC I’ve heard. The best one I’d previously hears was Get My Chequebook.
There’s a gas station chain called Kum & Go but it’s also referred to as Jizz and Jet or Ejaculate and Evacuate.
Skeet & Yeet
Bust & Bounce
Nut & Bolt
Blow Your Load and Hit the Road
Nut and Bolt is fucking great!
Nut & Bolt is getting added to the repertoire. Something about how the double meaning relies on changing them from two nouns to two verbs tickles something.
With a name like that you could say they were screwed from the start.
There could be a whole thread just on the variations of that concept, but the most obvious for a gas station has to be “Pump and Dump”
I believe they just rebranded as Mavericks. At least the ones around me did.
Iirc, Maverick is/was its own chain. Maybe they got acquired. The name change seems like a good move.
Also, not to hail corporate too much, but the Maverick burritos are legitimately the best value meal for food to go in my area. About $7 for a big burrito that doesnt make me feel like shit, and that I can walk in the door and grab from under the heat lamp myself.
Honestly I hate to sound like an ad but I love mavericks. A: like you said, the burritos kick ass, no fast food breakfast even comes close, but B: they have the best implemented self-checkout of any place I’ve ever been to. No interruptions for special offers (but tbf the same can’t be said for their pumps), they seem to take every kind of card and tap, it’s not laggy and slow, no companion app necessary. It’s just scan burrito, scan drink, scan card, bolt. If I know what I want I can be in and out in like a minute.
Second button down on either side of the screen mutes the ads. I keep a sharpie in my car and write it on the button.
Wawa and royal farms blow maverick out of the water. Royal farms breakfast sandwiches are so good.
When I had a Samsung TV, I hated it intensely and printed a label that said “scamsung.” That TV eventually went to the recyclers with that label still covering the Samsung one.
McDonalds→McDicks→McPenis. I’m mature.
The American embassy for McDonalds
Charbucks
Starfucks
“Home Despot” is one of my favs from Joey Santore of crime pays but botany doesn’t.
I’ve heard “Home Desparate” before
Found On Road Dead
Just Empty Every Pocket
Fix It Again Tony
Fehler In Allen Teilen (failure in all parts).
Drips Oil Dirt & Grime Everwhere (or everyday)
I prefer “Find Immediate Alternative Transportation”
And wanted to add “Acutely Unreliable Despite Investment”
I prefer “Find Immediate Alternative Transportation”
I haven’t heard that one before! That’s good!
Ive heard Fix Or Repair Daily
Whole Foods -> Whole Paycheck
Walmart is its own insult.
I’ve never understood this. Whole Foods consistently costs less than competitors in my area.
There’s a trucking company called Swift that gets a lot of flak for hiring inexperienced drivers. One of the nicer ones is So What I Failed Training. The rudest one I’ve heard ends with Toddlers, you can probably work out the rest, but you probably shouldn’t.
See What I Fucked-up Today is another good one
Stevie Wonder Institute For Trucking is my personal favorite
