every time we go out to eat, I take like two bites and feel like throwing up, and I’m not one to get nauseous easily. this only started when we started dating (wed been best friends for 3 years or so up until that)
its not new food, I’ve been to these places many times before
Sounds like anxiety. Mild nausea and loss of appetite are something that I deal with on a daily basis. If you are happy then it could just be nervous excitement, like having butterflies in your stomach.
Yeah, OP didn’t say how long they’d been together but if it’s a new relationship after 3 years of being friends, especially if they’re young and/or there’s been lingering feelings for some time before becoming “official”, then anxiety and nervous excitement is likely to be high!
spot on. wed liked eachother for two years, and were young too so
If nothing else is triggering it then my advice would be to cherish the feeling while it lasts! Go on dates that don’t involve food for a while or stick to lighter food that doesn’t involve sitting in a restaurant to eat. Once things start to feel more normal between you then you can try formal meals again.
If she’s suggesting restaurants in the meantime then just be honest with her, she’ll likely find it sweet and endearing and it’ll help to calm the nerves.
maybe you’re right
thing is well usually spend a good couple hours together and need food at that point
but well see, might be best to try and avoid food for a bit
Cooking together can be a fun “date”. Do it at your place so you won’t feel so much anxiety. Or if you need food that badly after a couple hours make some popcorn and eat it while you watch a show or movie.
Go to the same restaurants at the same time under the same conditions (i.e. how recently you ate another meal, day of the week, the weather, etc.) but with a different person and see if you still feel ill. Vary the conditions until you find one that correlates with your illness. Then try altering that condition.
If you feel ill under all conditions then see a doctor. In fact it might be good to make a doctor appointment anyway.
yeah good idea honestly
But babe, we have to go out tonight. It’s for science!
“You’re not my sidechick, you’re my control condition!”
“I know you’re sick of it, but I’m gonna need you to get the chicken Parm again. Trust the process!”
Isolating variables like this is so cool!
unit testing eating?
Are you just really nervous about being on a date?
I don’t think so? but that could be a factor I suppose
Your brain has a mind of its own!
As does your gut!
Are there awkward pauses during your dinners? Do you think about things to talk about beforehand?
I guess maybe try to observe what happens just before you get sick each time.
we’ve been friends for long enough that there’s never really any awkward silence
silence, sure, but not awkward
It’s called an anxiety attack. Talk to a therapist about it.
too poor for therapy lol (I need it but womp womp)
Then journal. Dump your thoughts onto paper, consider and reconsider. Just write out what you think. It can be a text file, a paper notebook with pen, whatever. Just write a lot.
yeah that could help, I’ve just always been a “bottle it up and call it a day” kind of guy
dunno, my mental health has been improving now that I’m out of school honestly so well see
Don’t bottle it up. Decades of experience talking here. Do what you can to come to terms with your feelings, thoughts, etc. Then find a job that has good mental health care and see a therapist.
Advice: you will likely need to try out a couple before you find the right one. When you’re comfortable with someone, you’ll know.
Except for at the beginning of dinner dates.
Do you at least acknowledge it’s psychological? That unless she’s dosing your first bite with ipecac, there’s no physical reason to feel nauseous during the first couple bites of dinner dates?
I find it helpful sometimes to write down the negative shit then wad it up and throw it away or burn the paper.
Seriously, journaling has been extremely helpful, I only started doing it after I started talking to a professional (other than a few classes in school) and it makes our talks infinitely more productive. It really really really helps me organize my thoughts and emotions in a way that just letting the day wash over me and rolling with with it does not.
You need time to process your thoughts and feelings. You can effectively “mini” counsel yourself just by stepping back and getting a different perspective. Words are powerful things and when you’re forced to slow down and try to summarize the incredibly complex emotional/psychological feelings we all have every day it can help you deal with things and give you insight into yourself, it’s a very powerful tool we can all use.
Don’t bottle up. That was the whole point of Inside Out. You have to experience the emotions.
I’ve heard great things about these self-help tools from the Australian Centre for Clinical Interventions: https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Social-Anxiety
That does not sound like an anxiety attack.
Nausea is a common symptom. Maybe you haven’t experienced it but it doesn’t mean it’s not a symptom for others.
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Whilst i dont agree with them that this is an anxiety attack (although it does sound like it’s potentially related to anxiety or nerves) i dont think it’s fair to put them down for “playing psychic doctor” as you put it.
OP came to lemmy to ask for people to help them determine the cause of this problem. They are asking people to, at least in some way, “play doctor”
I k ow there is little information to go on but for all.we know the person your replied to might actually be a doctor and GPs do telephone appoi tments where you tell them your symptoms and they diagnose over the phone.
This isn’t a far stretch from that. I just think a lot of assumptions have been made here, and therefore, you aren’t much better than the “doctor” you are responding to.
(Having said all that, they blew a gasket whe you called them out, so perhaps they are a little too sensitive to be someone who needs composure, like a doctor)
Op asked for advice here. This isn’t a free for all to go accuse everyone willing to give advice as ‘playing doctor’. That’s straight up troll behavior.
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What the fuck is up with this kind of behaviour on Lemmy tonight? So many people flying off the handle at the slightest hint of disagreement.
You need to chill the fuck out. Also, if they’re a world-class projector they should open a drive-IN not a drive-thru. This is cringy ass behaviour. Smh
“I disagree! Also: rape.”
It’s because you’re pregnant.
But on all seriousness, some say that there are cases when the would-be-father also feels nauseous with food when the girl gets pregnant.
Studio audience: OOOOOOOO!!!
Pregante.
am I gregnant?
Is you prefnet?
can u burn a luigi board?
don’t think that’s a possibility currently
very interesting tho
Maybe she’s poisoning you to get even for not asking her out earlier.
Is this one of those “red flags” people keep talking about?
haha maybe
Maybe you’re spending money you shouldn’t. Also, maybe youre spending your heart when you shouldn’t.
My first thought is that there’s something about those first couple of bites that triggers the anxiety. Could be subconscious (well, it is subconscious currently if you’re unaware of a cause).
Are there any particular thoughts that occur when the meal arrives? Even thoughts that occur only briefly to be replaced by others?
This was my first thought. Being pretty poor most of my life, I’ve had that “oh-shit” gut-punch when going out to eat a lot of times. Money problems suck.
I’ll have to pay more attention to that I suppose
Did you sign up for any life insurance policies with her recently? Add her to your will? Is she currently borrowing something and has mentioned “jokingly” about how she’d really like to keep it?
Not a high probability, mind you, but since the subject was raised…
she does have my hoodie right now…
She really likes her new hoodie.
Anxiety?
If that tiny idiot of an amygdala in your brain thinks you’re in danger then nausea can be a symptom.
This happened to me as well. I’d take a few bites of a meal and feel full/ nauseous; Sometimes even throw up. It went away after maybe 6 months of dating and we joke about it now 12 years later.
We chalked it up to nerves, but no one can tell for sure. Best of luck OP! Guessing you really like this person.
I hope that’s it and it goes away on. its own
yeah we’ve liked eachother for two years now, but I was too dense to realized she liked me back and she was too shy to say anything lol
My husband would get wild upset stomachs before we went out on a date. His aunt would tease him that he was allergic to me. It was anxiety.
I could spend the whole weekend with him in his apartment, and he’d feel fine. It only happened before we planned to go out to dinner specifically. Lunch was nbd to his brain.
interesting. now that I think about it the less fancy the place the more likely I’ll be okay I think? but imma start taking notes
but yeah that’s probably what it is
Really think about what you are expecting of yourself at times like that. Sometimes nice restaurants make me feel pressured to have a good time or otherwise “fit in” with the other people eating there.
Money is a serious thing. If your relationship is going to make your financial life unsustainable, that needs resolving.
It could be financial. Are you spending more money now that you’re a couple?
I mean a little, but ive got the money. and she pays half the time and those times aren’t any better so I don’t think its that. I also generally don’t think about money all that much.
Maybe she’s poisoning you just a tiny bit at a time. Kidding, but have you guys eaten a meal at home together without you feeling sick?
not really, she came over once and we ate like polish crepes i made, and that was fine, but not much of a meal, no
I would try that a few more time, the fact that you were doing something will help with any anxiety
Allergies maybe? Most women use special makeup for dates. It could be something she’s wearing like lipstick. It could be something in the food like peanuts or olive oil.
Perfume?
Try cooking dinner at home together and see if it happens.
Are you reacting to her perfume? Maybe she didn’t put it on when you were just friends.
no she definetly did, same one as always, and its not strong
also that would make me nauseous in the car as well, not just when eating
Maybe there’s something you need to get off your chest. Maybe you feel like you’re not being true to yourself.
If you feel like something needs to change in your relationship, better to put it out there and work through it than keep it hidden.
Anxiety is a possibility, even if you aren’t actively feeling it. This is a good opportunity to seek help from a professional, even if it’s nothing related to that.
haha I’m too poor for therapy
Maybe try a cannabis edible about an hour before you’re planning to eat? Offer her one too
not a fan of weed, gives me panick attacks lol
Less THC, more CBD.
In fact, CBD gummies are probably better anyway. You don’t want to be high all the time when you’re with your gf.
