• Lvxferre
    63•4 months ago

    I’m going to be a lich.

    I get the keep my mind and memories, so I’m not some dumb zombie going babbling “brrrrlll” here and there, seeking brains. I’m fairly powerful so I can pull out my own weight, enough to become the necromancer’s right arm. And if it comes to the worst I can always backstab the necromancer and become the boss, as typically lichs have their own necromancy.

    • @Zonetrooper@lemmy.world
      20•4 months ago

      Objectively the best answer. Plus, as long as you hide your phylactery well, there’s not much the necromancer can do to keep you in line.

      • Lvxferre
        14•4 months ago

        I’d expect my phylactery to be with the necromancer at the start, for exactly this reason. So I think that a lot of my job in my first days [years?] as an undead is to get their trust so I can: replace my phylactery with a copy, hide the original, and proclaim my independence.

    • ScratchEnglish
      13•4 months ago

      You know you have to feed a soul to your phylactery like every few days. Who’s gonna get got?

        • ScratchEnglish
          4•4 months ago

          Is your Phylactry also a notebook where you write their names?

          • Lvxferre
            3•4 months ago

            Yeah. I wish that my phylactery was just “hide it somewhere and pretend that it doesn’t exist”, but bloody Light doesn’t let me have my way, got to write a name every 13 days.

      • holgersson
        6•4 months ago

        Do souls have sizes, like “you need at least the soul of a medium sized dog or pig”?

        Because if every soul is worth equally much, just set an anthill on fire and be done for the foreseeable future.

        Of course, as your next course of action, you should make up for the damage done to your local eco system, but that should be doable within the powers and lifespan of a lich.

      • Lvxferre
        2•4 months ago

        Probably, given that they’re good spell casters. You could for example cast “alter self”, and look like your desired sex. The main problem is that those spells are typically short-lived, they last minute~hours, so after the time ends you’re again a skeleton or decaying corpse.

  • Thelsim
    51•4 months ago

    A vampire. Since it’s a necromancer raising me, instead of another vampire, I won’t be enthralled and will have free will.
    Then there’s all the wonderful abilities and the fact that I’ll still look good for an undead (it’s a pretty movie vampire, not one of those creepy ones)

    • @Skates@feddit.nl
      4•4 months ago

      First - pretty movie vampires were pretty humans before they got vampired. Second - why in the fuck would a necromancer raise a vampire with free will? Face it ‘pretty’ boy, you’ll be stuck in a cave trying to kill adventurers who never visit. You’ll be talking to rats after the first month of solitude. You’ll lose your undeath virginity to a lost mountain goat. The first time a girl will be around your cave, she’ll notice how it smells like a homeless man who hasn’t changed his underwear in years and avoid the cave entirely. You’ll feel like spiking yourself in the heart because you had gotten used to the smell, but you won’t even be able to do that - you’re a necromancer’s minion. You have no choice in how you live or die. You’re just a smelly guardian of an uninteresting cave.

      I’ll take undead drake. I’m doing some epic shit before I die, not just guarding some cave.

      • Thelsim
        6•4 months ago

        Those are a lot of assumptions you’re making:

        • No one said the necromancer wanted a minion
        • No one mentioned anything about a smelly cave
        • I never said I’m a boy
        • Maybe I would love the solitude

        Anyway, no one said that the necromancer needed a guardian for some smelly cave. I like to think the necromancer got lonely and just wanted a friend to chat with. Even if what you say is true, cave guarding is for low-level chumps like skeletons or ghosts. Vampires are middle-management at least :)

        Also, how on earth can you tell me I have to look exactly like I did when I was alive - which is still pretty :P - while you apparently can transform from human corpse to a drake?
        Following your rules, the necromancer would be trying to assemble a drake using human bones, creating some weird facsimile of a dragon. The “drake” would spend its time jumping out from behind rocks shouting “blergh”, while falling apart at the slightest touch. Wishing some adventurer would put it out of its tortured existence instead of just pointing and laughing.

  • 🦄🦄🦄Deutsch
    29•4 months ago

    Whatever type Jesus was. Folks seem to like that kind of undead.

  • @emax_gomax@lemmy.world
    19•4 months ago

    So any animal is fair game? In which case, dodo. You MFs ate us into oblivion, I’m gonna come back with species worth of pent up rage and an undead thirst for blood.

    Edit: in retrospect I now realise a dodo would be super easy to send back to the underworld :-(. I’m gonna be… checks deadliest thing notes, a car.

  • SavvyWolfEnglish
    16•4 months ago

    I know it’s probably too on brand, but maybe some kind of monstrous wolf hell beast thing. Maybe with a skull as a head and dripping flesh.

    If I’m going to be a mindless killing machine, may as well have some fun with it. Better than being a slow shambling skeleton or zombie at any rate.

  • BattleGrownEnglish
    12•4 months ago

    I’ll be that guy, and say abomination. The more twisted the better. Like a mouth in my belly, extra arm on my back kind of twisted. I’ll learn to enjoy striking terror in my victims’ hearts. Afterlife will be dope.

  • @some_guy
    9•4 months ago

    Jesus, for sure. Not that he came back.

    • rhsJack
      2•4 months ago

      But that is what the Good News™ is all about for the evangelicals! He is already HERE! Parts of him are probably fossilized or petrified by now. And the rest of him is just dust. And dust never goes away. Why, I might even have a particle of Jesus dust in my yogurt right now! Halleluhah.