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Civility [none/use name]@hexbear.net to news@hexbear.netEnglish ·
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23 hours ago

'Biohacker' Billionaire Bryan Johnson reveals he has incurable Autoimmune Gastritis - 'May have hit speedbump on road to immortality'

hexbear.net

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'Biohacker' Billionaire Bryan Johnson reveals he has incurable Autoimmune Gastritis - 'May have hit speedbump on road to immortality'

hexbear.net

Civility [none/use name]@hexbear.net to news@hexbear.netEnglish ·
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23 hours ago
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  • Dyno [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    11 hours ago

    Whenever biohackers come up in the news, I’m reminded of Aaron Traywick - one of those life extension berks who injected himself with mystery fluids. I saw him on the news once and thought “he’ll probably be dead soon.”
    Within a year he ended up K-holing to death in a sensory deprivation tank

  • SirSmoothAES@lemmygrad.ml
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    11 hours ago

    His sacked tits prove that not even billionaires can beat father time.

    • Keld [he/him, any]@hexbear.net
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      4 hours ago

      He absolutely doesnt have saggy breasts what are you talking about.

      • SirSmoothAES@lemmygrad.ml
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        4 hours ago

        Ah yes, saggy. That’s the word I was looking for. Maybe it’s the angle, but they do look kind of droopy to me.

        • Keld [he/him, any]@hexbear.net
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          4 hours ago

          He doesnt have notable gynecomastia, his pectorals look fine and he has quite low body fat. I genuinely don’t have any clue what you’re talking about.

          • SirSmoothAES@lemmygrad.ml
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            3 hours ago

            Oh and his sixpack looks rather deformed as well. It’s not just his tits.

            • Keld [he/him, any]@hexbear.net
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              3 hours ago

              Havong an asymmetric rectum abdominis is perfectly normal???

              • SirSmoothAES@lemmygrad.ml
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                3 hours ago

                What even is a dominoes rectum? Is that like a fruit or something? Well, whatever it is I don’t believe it.

  • axont [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    16 hours ago

    My favorite part about this guy is it’s perfectly believable he’s simply a particularly fit 48 year old. Yeah dude you figured out a healthy diet and an exercise routine will make you feel and look better. But no that’s not enough, you have to make your son into a blood bag and say you’ve developed immortality pills.

    I hate all billionaires on principle but this guy is my least favorite type. It’s not enough that he has every luxury planet Earth can possibly provide. He has to be worshipped as a god too. Just start a cult, man.

    • LaughingLion [any, any]@hexbear.net
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      12 hours ago

      He reminds me of those daoist dudes in ancient China who were like, “I’m immortal” and then they die and their adherents are like, “Bro didn’t lie he just transcended his physical form.”

      • Nacarbac [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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        12 hours ago

        Health secrets they don’t want billionaires to know: drink more mercury.

        All-natural cinnabar provides 10000000000% of the mercury you need to ascend to the Lunar Palace on the back of a moonbeam.

    • jackmaoist [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      14 hours ago

      My favorite thing about this guy is that he came to India, talked about the air quality and actually highlighted the issue particularly well while people were living in denial and then just fucked off.

    • SocialistVibes01@lemmy.ml
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      12 hours ago

      Bezos is as, maybe more, fucked up as him but that’s not on mass media.

  • HandsHeartEyes [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    16 hours ago

    His money would literally have been better spent doing general health research, which might have made progress towards a cure to his illness. But he blew it all on random bullshit targeted at himself. When he dies, it’s going to be a real-life parable.

    • average [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      15 hours ago

      Instead of investing in real medicine he’s spent his time and money doing adrenochrome enemas or whatever the fuck…

      • Muehe@lemmy.ml
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        14 hours ago

    • Carl [he/him]@hexbear.netBanned
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      14 hours ago

      pay for double blind studies on the effectiveness of blood boiling

      geordi-no

      boil your own blood along with a hundred other totally vibes based things and call it research

      geordi-yes

  • RondoRevolution [any, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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    11 hours ago

    he-laughed

  • D61 [any]@hexbear.net
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    14 hours ago

    As sung by, Moonwalker, in their song “Monopoly Money”, “… and you die like the rest of us…”

  • XiaCobolt [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    17 hours ago

    Bryan Johnson has tummy issues as well?Come on at this point just transition. He’s already taking estrogen. This is stolen valour.

    • TraschcanOfIdeology [they/them, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      17 hours ago

      Women do live longer than men. If he was serious about prolonging his lifespan he would transition

      • JoeByeThen [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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        14 hours ago

        you-got-me-there

  • SerialExperimentsGay [she/her, she/her]@hexbear.net
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    18 hours ago

    ofc the top comments include a grifter promising a cure through “emerging science” and one of his cultists hoping their hero somehow finds a cure for both AIG and Crohn’s.

    • MattEagle [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      13 hours ago

      CAR-T cell therapies are emerging for autoimmune diseases, which sometimes lead to permanent remissions. It won’t be any of his stupid research that moves that field forward though 🤭

    • Sphere [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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      15 hours ago

      We already figured out the cure for AIG: upwards of $100 billion in float provided by the US Treasury

  • JoeByeThen [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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    20 hours ago

    So things haven’t been going well then.

    • average [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      15 hours ago

      mild… permanent lung damage… mild… lost lung capacity… mild… MILD… MILD

      screm3

      • Formerlyfarman [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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        12 hours ago

        even asimptomatic covid cases can cause severe damage to various organs.

        • JoeByeThen [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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          11 hours ago

          Typically the brain, plus damage to the immune system! 🥳

          • average [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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            10 hours ago

            Yup! The brain fog and increased bouts of illness that so many people talk about can be directly tied to COVID infections.

            Dead horse: most people really think that just cuz they made it back to brunch, everything is okay.

        • average [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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          10 hours ago

          100%

          It can even trigger latent disorders that otherwise may not have manifested. My partner is dealing with 2 autoimmune disorders that progressed as a direct result of their COVID infection.

      • JoeByeThen [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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        15 hours ago

      • tocopherol [any]@hexbear.net
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        14 hours ago

        “Your son was in a minor car accident, a small piece of metal did pierce his brain and he’s now in a coma but the car accident was actually mild.”

        • average [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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          13 hours ago

          Mild coma, nothing to worry about.

      • jack [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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        14 hours ago

        I had a minor loss of my leg

  • loathsome dongeater@lemmygrad.ml
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    19 hours ago

    He should try eating his son maybe that will fix it

    • MusicOwl [comrade/them, sie/hir]@hexbear.net
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      14 hours ago

      ron-devouring-his-pudding

  • Awoo [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    20 hours ago

    I don’t like hearing about things like this because I hyper analyse whether my occasionally crippling IBS might actually be something horrible.

    Anyway if this dude turns from immortality towards seeking a cure for something more tangible that seems like a good thing to me. Either he fails and it kills him or he succeeds and 5% of people’s lives improve.

    • KuroXppi [they/them]@hexbear.net
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      14 hours ago

      If he cures our ibs then I’ll give him little a blood as a treat

      • Awoo [she/her]@hexbear.net
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        10 hours ago

        timmy-pray

  • sovietknuckles [she/her]@hexbear.net
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    19 hours ago

    reddit-logo asking an important question on the billionaire’s post about it

    should i stop blueprint supplements then?

    • average [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      15 hours ago

      Nope! everyone should definitely keep overpaying for multivitamins… In fact, given Bryan’s most recent diagnosis, I think he is recommending switching to the suppository version.

    • HexReplyBot [none/use name]@hexbear.netB
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      19 hours ago

      A Reddit link was detected in your comment. Here are links to the same location on alternative frontends that protect your privacy.

      • redlib.nohost.network
      • red.ngn.tf
      • redlib.tux.pizza
      • libreddit.projectsegfau.lt
  • cheers_queers@lemmy.zip
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    22 hours ago

    is this the one who gets blood infusions from his son?

    • ComradeSharkfucker@lemmy.ml
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      22 hours ago

      He also keeps track of his son’s boners

      • EveningCicada [he/him, they/them]@hexbear.net
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        21 hours ago

        And posts about the health of his girlfriend’s vagina

        • SerialExperimentsGay [she/her, she/her]@hexbear.net
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          18 hours ago

          And dumped his ex while she was battling cancer. Which also left her without helath insurance while she was battling cancer.

        • KuroXppi [they/them]@hexbear.net
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          21 hours ago

          I’ll have you know my wife’s vagina graduated in the top 1% of the top 1% of all vaginas

          • miz [any, any]@hexbear.net
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            21 hours ago

            graduated magna cum dumpster

            • nohaybanda [he/him]@hexbear.net
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              16 hours ago

              Magna cum loudly could also work here

            • duderium [he/him]@hexbear.net
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              17 hours ago
              • magna cum loud

              kelly

            • KuroXppi [they/them]@hexbear.net
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              21 hours ago

              Holy shit lmao

    • insurgentrat [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.net
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      22 hours ago

      yeah. He’s a kook

  • TheBroodian [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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    22 hours ago

    Biohacker? More like Son-jacker

    lmayo

  • insurgentrat [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.net
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    22 hours ago

    He’s one of the more interesting ones to watch.

    Pretty funny, probably a shit way to die but he’ll buy his way out of a painful and undignified end I’m sure. At least these ghouls keep getting reminded they can’t buy their way out of being made of meat.

    Wish it was Thiel or Musk tho. I’d settle for Mohammed Al Saud too.

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