- cross-posted to:
- iiiiiiitttttttttttt@programming.dev
- cross-posted to:
- iiiiiiitttttttttttt@programming.dev
Nah mate, every time I solve the most basic tech problems it’s all “I possess the secrets of the Omnissiah!”
My first week in desktop support the network went down in our area.
I was trying to figure out who to call about it when I realized I was who I would call about it. (Bad Ethernet cable to the switch).
I mean, depending on the company structure often you being desktop support wouldn’t be the one to call about it. You may be a first line and you would create a ticket send it up to the networking group it would then be their responsibility to troubleshoot it from there. But it depends on whether it’s an actual Network issue and if you’ve done your due diligence of anything on the PC side.
Yeah, I had no idea why our net admins allowed DTS to touch their networking equipment. But luckily for me it was great experience for my stint as a sys admin before I moved to Infosec.
One great tip for Windows: If you have an annoying issue that tends to be solved by restarting, a lot of the time you can achieve the same result by logging out, then logging in. Even many drivers run at user level, so they shut off that way.
What’s the benefit? On SSDs, it’s like 3 seconds longer to do a full reboot, maybe 15 if it has updates to finish.
Don’t half ass it, whole ass it.
Get Zorin or any other flavor of Linux instead! Windows 11 has unbelievable performance issues, not to mention tracking, ads, AI shit crammed down your throat.
On some computers maybe, it’s significantly faster on mine though
Not everyone has SSDs.
a reboot on your computer only takes 3 seconds longer than a logout and login?! I don’t reboot often, but on my computer, during a startup from powered off state, even just getting the Grub menu to show up takes 3 seconds.
My laptop is 4 years old and I remember startup being much faster when it was newer though.
It was hyperbole.
I may be giving tips for Windows, but I use CachyOS.
That’s good, my comment was for anyone. Anything is better than windows nowadays.
I was pushed into a university IT call center with no training in actual computer skills and felt like this. But after fumbling through some calls it was 40% getting people to reboot, 40% getting people to reboot despite their lies that they already did, 15% problems I actually happened to know the answer to from home PC use, and 5% “Let me ask the specialist”.
My record for computer uptime was 18 months. The conversation went like this:
EU: I’m calling about [known problem whose known solution is a reboot]
Me: That’s a common issue. All you need to do is restart and you’re good to go.
EU: Do you think I’m an idiot? I tried that 3 times before calling.
Me: Let’s go ahead and try one more time so I can note it on the ticket.
EU: But I already did! Are you calling me a liar?
Me: runs systeminfo /s
Me: I’m certainly not calling you a liar, but your computer is reporting that it’s last boot time was [date 18 months ago]. Do you mind if I try rebooting it remotely?
EU: That worked click
Like, I knew they were logging off and on instead of rebooting because it was a remote station, but I wanted to let them make an ass of themselves.
That’s so cool that you did support for the EU! Was it the parliament itself?
I don’t even bother arguing with them if they say they already did it. At that point it becomes “ok I’m going to check something on my end, your computer might reboot again when I do this”. Then I just reboot it. No room for argument, no trying to figure out what they’re actually doing.
Often when the uptime is that high on Windows it’s because the fast boot option or whatever it’s called is on. When that’s on uptime doesn’t get reset if you shutdown and then start the computer (it does get reset if you reboot though).
40% getting people to reboot, 40% getting people to reboot despite their lies that they already did,
“Sir, I need you to reboot your computer”
“Sure, let me juuuuust restart… Huh, doesn’t seem to have solved the problem”
“Sir, I’m remoted into your computer and can see you didn’t actually reboot.”
So many goddamned times while I was on first line…
Sounds like Millennials solving Boomer computer issues for 25 years.
younger zoomers and boomers have similar levels of understanding. this is not going anywhere
The Dr House rule of everybody lies is oddly very specific in the IT support world
40% getting people to reboot despite their lies that they already did
and that is how we know you are not lying and actually suffered through that job 😂
I billed 6 hours for troubleshooting something that was broken because the cable was not plugged in despite them saying it was.
I got him to recheck the cable by telling him to pull it out and clean the contact surfaces.
Many, many years ago I took an A+ certification course because it was provided free by the state. And a fat lot of good it did me, but it was amusing for a while all the same. (I tried to opt to just take the stupid exam, but no, you have to sit through the course.)
We were given various old office PCs to fiddle with, and would use them throughout the course for all of the electronic learning materials. In order to instill in us a sense of the Troubleshooting Spirit, I suppose, the course’s instructor would deliberately fuck with everyone’s machine overnight so you’d have to track down what he did in order to get yours working again. Naturally this resulted in much wailing and gnashing of teeth, whining, sulking, and impressive displays of learned helplessness from the class which was always amusing to watch.
For me, anyway. I was the only person there with any computer chops and at the place I’d worked at prior to this I was the only IT person simply by default. I’ve been plugging computers together since I was big enough to hold a screwdriver. Have you ever smoked a motherboard by failing to put the two AT power plugs in with the black wires in the middle, relative to each other? Ever made your own cable select IDE ribbon by carefully chopping out pin 28’s wire with a razor blade? No? Then I don’t want to hear it.
It didn’t take long before I was forbidden to help other people with their troubleshooting stuff. Fine, I’ll sit here and play Doom until everyone’s finally ready.
I tried, and failed, to convey the notion that messing with my PC was a futile effort. Short of outright stealing some vital component from it, you weren’t going to keep me down for more than about a minute.
Anyway, the moral of the story is that most of the problems deliberately instilled in people’s machines involved unplugging some cable or another, and motherfuckers never figured this out. It’s truly astonishing how resistant people will be to considering the most obvious of solutions and starting there. Mind you, this was basically the entire point of the class so I didn’t hold out much hope for the future IT careers of my peers, to put it mildly.
One day I found that the instructor had backed my network cable out slightly but left it hanging in the socket, unclipped, just enough to look still plugged in but not make contact. Obviously the lack of blinkenlights on the jack was a major clue, but this stumped quite a few of our recruits. I must have given him a sarcastic look or something when I clicked it back in, because the next day he got clever and covered the contacts on the end of the plug with a piece of clear tape and fully plugged it back in. That was devious. Not only can you not trust the user to lie to you, but now we have to contend with active sabotage!
I got him back, though. I got into his presentation computer one day and discovered there was an unused USB header on the motherboard. One header-to-port breakout cable later and I plugged the receiver for my wireless mouse and keyboard into his machine inside the case and started messing with his cursor surreptitiously. What goes around comes around, Mr. funny guy.
Reminds me of my very short prank war.
A colleague did the tape on mouse prank on me.
Then I switched our wireless mouse dongles, when I heard the “ha ha, you got me there” and be noticed nothing was wrong I started wiggling my mouse on his screen.
Then next week I wrote a script that ejected his CD tray every half an hour or so.
I’ve heard variations of that as well, things like “could you check if the contacts are bent?” or “plug it out, wait ten seconds for any static to drain, then plug it back in firmly”.
If it works, just shrug it off as “sometimes cables are fiddly” so the user doesn’t feel like you’re blaming them for anything. Odds are they’ll realise it’s not seated properly and be glad they got away with their error.
Tell them to swap ends, then you know both ends were reseated at minimum
it do be like this sometimes
it’s also stressful and funny when somebody is trying to tell you their computer problems and it seems like it’s really bad. then you go and look around and you can’t find anything wrong. and their all
hey you fixed it!
As someone who has worked IT for 30years, yes I remember windows 3.1 and Novel Netware, there absolutely is an IT magic that surrounds certain professionals. Things just fix themselves after I’m literally standing by their desk. Problem occurs repeatedly for user. Disappears when I get there. I think some people are just incompatible with computers…
Technician Proximity Syndrome, happens in every field.
I honestly love those calls, it makes for an easy win and an amused user (normally). My favorite was when I worked for a car dealership, as I’d routinely get called into the shop for a computer issue only to have the tech go to reproduce the issue and it worked fine.
The number of times I heard “Man, now I know how my customers feel” was pretty damned funny.
The reason for that most of the time is because the user doesn’t have any patience.
So when they are forced to wait for you to come by, the problem fixed itself because of time.
Me every time I call tech support. I feel so stupid.
As someone who formerly worked phone support, let me assure you we love the dumb, easy ones. Everyone wants an easy win and bonus when it kicks you to the back of the call queue.
unless it’s so dumb it’s not obvious
i learned no question is too stupid
and yes it must be plugged in to work
My favorite question to ask callers when I worked phone support: “What happens when you push the power button”
I got so many “wait, theres a power button?!” replies. And a few <click, whurrrr> “Uhh, i’ll call you back if i have anything else”.
“Oh, I’ve lost power due to a storm, is that important?”
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Sometimes I know I need to zone out a bit as the story is completely unrelated to the problem. The trick is making sure you start paying attention again at the right time.
oh totally
As a tech, I HATED how often this worked. I want to know what actually went wrong. I usually have some idea … but no, finding that out is rarely the job.
So what happens is you have drivers loaded into your kernel, that know how to ‘talk’ to everything your PC interacts with.
Now, on startup, they can fail to load, for whatever reason. Or if they are already loaded in memory, it can get corrupted, again, for whatever reason.
So unless the disk is fried and that driver is permanently lost, a reboot will resolve it by loading it again from the drive.
I’m the guy on the right in the OOP, plus about 25 years of experience and learning. I’m not short on ideas, and didn’t say I was.
One thing I think about is that we make servers with ECC RAM because normal RAM has cosmic rays cause random corruption IIRC once every 100 days on average.
It’s overkill for desktops because you don’t care about 3 bit flips every year if you only have 1 machine as opposed to managing thousands in a datacenter, and you regularly restart your stuff anyway.
And then you have people who have to deal with hundreds of people who never restart their stuff.
And companies ship stuff with memory leaks all the time on top of this. US nuclear guidance systems have them, but they are not expected to have to be on constantly for weeks on end like the laptop of Joan from Marketing.
I’d love if you had a source for this, that’s hilarious
Its incredibly hard to search on the web nowadays, so this is the best I could find. If I try searching for anything military, it’s propaganda slop.
It’s not specifically about nukes, and it might have been the origin point of an urban legend that reached my circles mutated.
https://devblogs.microsoft.com/oldnewthing/20180228-00/?p=98125
Also it’s technically a storage leak not a memory leak.
Back in the 1960s there was a kind of car called a Bubble Car. They had a front-opening door, that is, the door and windscreen were one, and it opened up, out and to the left. The cars also had no reverse gear.
It was thus possible to get into a state where you’d driven right up to the back wall of a garage and were then completely unable to get out.
The car wasn’t broken and otherwise worked normally. If there’d been a radio in there, that would have still worked. The seat didn’t suddenly become uncomfortable, etc. Nonetheless, the user was stuck.
What’s the point of this anecdote? Well, a computer that can be fixed by rebooting was in a state like that bubble car stuck against the back wall of the garage.
Unfortunately, with the car, there was no equivalent reset to get back outside the garage again, and usually resulted in the user screaming for help.
Internet Pedantry Alert!
If it’s what you’re thinking of and it probably is, the OG “bubble car” was the BMW Isetta and I’m afraid the scenario outlined above is a myth that was promulgated by Top Gear. The Isetta does indeed have a reverse gear, because even ze Bavarians were smart enough to think of that. Yes, this is also the car that Steve Urkel drove.
What’s true is that in the immediate postwar years, quite a lot of other lesser European microcars hit the streets which were built around largely as-is motorbike drivetrains which didn’t have reverse. Vanishingly few of these did not have side opening doors, though, with some strange exceptions.
Got me wondering: did they not even have Neutral?
They do. They also have a manual clutch.
“Help, I’m stuck because I’m too weak to push a vehicle that weights nothing away from the wall!!”
You could also just open the door into the obstacle and push if you were really hard up, with the understanding that you may mar the paint on the door edge.
That’s actually what I was getting at.
My favorite tech support solution: you must completely destroy everything you’re trying to save in order to solve the problem you’re having.
It’s simple, you obviously need a new computer
…
Software issue? What? No drivers are obviously hardware
…
Oh, you know that drives aren’t hardware? Well duh, it is firmware.
…
No it still can’t be fixed over the phone, we have to replace the entire thing.
You’re getting down-voted because this is what most of the callers think they want: the company to buy them a new computer.










