Jodie is curling up with your wife under the burrito blanket

only the burrito one should be shaped like a blanket (except round). the pizza blanket should be triangular and very thick, and only the crust edge should be wide enough to wrap yourself in. the cheeto bag should be like a sleeping bag but extremely loud, too loud to sleep in as every movement makes a loud crinking noise. the diet coke blanket should be a hard cylinder, like a garbage can. the “ramen” (actually instant noodles) blanket should be a tangle of thick yarn.

edit: one spelling error per word it seems

edit: the coke can should be one of these and yes i’m thinking about this shitpost the correct amount

Finally! Full circle for me, since my comfort food is polyester.

Interesting, you claim to be pro-America, but all of your goods are manufactured in China

Hmm. E-ink tags. No prices. This shit is even bleaker than first glance.

The blankets are made in China.