Dating as a guy in your early 20s is a fucking minefield. Now that I’m 30 it’s better because nobody lies about being in their upper 20s or 30s, anyone who would be illegal is easy to spot because people under about 22 look like actual children to me now, and if absolutely needed it’s easy enough to just take any new dating prospect to a bar and let the bartender card them.
But back in my early 20s none of that was true. Half the women on dating apps were lying about their age. Judging age visually between about 16 and 20 can get really fuzzy. Also people who were 20 were still in my age range so taking them to a bar to get carded doesn’t work. Completely turned me off dating for a while.
if absolutely needed it’s easy enough to just take any new dating prospect to a bar and let the bartender card them.
FYI this is not allowed to be used as a defense in court in some states (e.g. mine). If you card them and they have a fake ID, you’re still criminally culpable for anything untoward.
They break the law, they lie, and you get in trouble still?
Punishing people for sex that their imaginary friend wouldn’t approve of is far more important than justice or fairness to most people.
Seriously, what’s the option - oh you look slightly young, let me see your birth certificate? Wait that might be a forgery, show me your driver’s license? Wait, that might be a forgery - show me an x-ray of your bones so I can analyze your growth plates.
Fucking hell
One of the many ridiculous laws implemented by performative GOP pearl-clutchers, half of whom are on the Epstein List.
Yeah that doesn’t sound right, even ethically.
If by your sincere knowledge you’re having a date with an adult, you shouldn’t get in trouble for anything
Ignorance or belief as to victim’s age no defense
When, in this chapter, the criminality of conduct depends upon the victim’s being below a certain specified age, ignorance of the age is no defense. Neither shall misrepresentation of age by such person nor a bona fide belief that such person is over the […]
It’s not that blatant:
Ignorance or belief as to victim’s age no defense
When, in this chapter, the criminality of conduct depends upon the victim’s being below a certain specified age, ignorance of the age is no defense. Neither shall misrepresentation of age by such person nor a bona fide belief that such person is over the […]
Best thing, though unfortunately not quite possible, would be to check each other’s ID.
- You can be certain about each other’s age.
- Should they harm you, you now know who the other person is, and they get the same reassurance.
But that conversation wouldn’t work.
You can be certain about each other’s age.
…unless they have a fake ID. Which in turn is not in any way a defense should you perform certain acts with them that are illegal due to age. You’re just supposed to be able to sense the difference between someone slightly above and slightly below the line in your jurisdiction.
Wait, regular young people didn’t used to ask for ID on dates? I guess I was just paranoid.
The problem with this strategy is you can still be prosecuted for statutory rape even if you relied on a fake ID.
I can confirm this is the case in my state.
FYI this is not allowed to be used as a defense in court in some states (e.g. mine). If you card them and they have a fake ID, you’re still criminally culpable for anything untoward.
Unforch, knowing someone’s government name is disappointingly ineffective at preventing or remediating harm, in my experience.
I was 15. He was 22. He bought me take away food, alcohol and cigarettes for my company.
A decade later, he was my bosses boss. And harassed me at work.
He came from a wealthy family where he was the golden child, people around town know about his tastes but no one has come forward. His family are in denial.
Some people are just pure evil.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I hope you are in a better place now.
Did you not report him?
That is not a particularly helpful way to engage with someone explaining what someone put them through.
If she did it doesnt seem like it would have done much to someone in his position, and may have carried risk for her. She doesnt owe us an explanation of how she handled things, regardless of how she navigated it or how it went.
In general when someone is explaining how they were harmed its generally not helpful to intergogate whether they handled it “correctly”. Being a victim or being in a position in life where it is easier for you to be a victim rarely leaves you with many good options, or makes it easy to do things the “right” way
Good god this feels like the only place on the internet right now with decent, reasonable, human takes. Thanks for typing this
Thank you very much, I really appreciate that. I don’t always know the best way to approach things but I do my best to treat people with the same care I’d want from folks that I’m in community with
👑
❤️
I hope you have a lovely day my friend.
Imagine if none of the victims nor their families reported on the Epstein pedophile ring, he would still be on that island trafficking children for sexual abuse to high profile executives to this day. Reporting works and end up in investigations and charges.
people around town know about his tastes but no one has come forward.
that implies kablez did not report him as no one including him came forward
Again, that misses my point. Victims do not owe random people an explanation of how they handled things, and requesting an explanation in response to someone sharing a harm they endured is unhelpful. That is not an indictment of you or your character, it’s just important to me that people be able to express they were harmed without being subjected to questioning for it
Your second use of “him” implies we may be reading the comment differently. If I am understanding correctly they are a woman who was abused by a male superior at work.
Regardless, people do not owe the world perfect victimhood, and whether we treat someone’s statement of harm with compassion should not be predicated on an evaluation of whether they “did things right” in the wake of the abuses they suffered.
Its a vulnerable thing to say you were harmed. Let’s not interogate whether they performed victimhood correctly, and they dont owe us any details one way or another. It minimizes an expression of abuse that is generally not listened to in the first place.
Thank you for writing this <3
Thought I’d confirm my gender is male and always has been. That was why my high school didn’t intervene or even provide support to me when they knew I was living with my older boyfriend.
I believe that that was why his colleagues at work didn’t think too hard about his email to the team saying he’s off to pick up his boyfriend from high school. Or when I was given alcohol while underage when he brought me to company parties. (the same company I worked at years later and he harassed me at btw)
Apparently, being gay created a kind of shield of deniability, awkwardness and fear that people just didn’t want to deal with. If someone else comes forward and sets things in motion, I will put my hand up to testify. But I’m not going to drag myself through the mud just to re-live all that trauma in hope it may lead to something.
Last thing I’ll say is this. I came from a conservative family, I believe that my family household primed me for exploitation in a number of ways. Low self worth. Lack of agency. Lack of awareness of the world. Even before I moved out, I felt safer in bed with strangers than in the one my parents gave me.
It’s my firm believe that if I’d had parents who accepted me, or at least cared enough to truly look out for me, I wouldn’t have been abused for so many years.
Report them to who? Actual violent rapes get reported to the authorities all the time and never get prosecuted. Plus, age of consent laws vary between states and are often subject to “Romeo and Juliet” laws that take into account the gap between the consenting parties.
I think you may have a misunderstanding of how the legal system operates. They aren’t mandated to investigate and prosecute every instance where someone reports a crime, they get to pick and choose when and who they throw the book at.
Since the majority of authority figures are conservative men themselves, they often will take the side of the young men in these cases and choose to turn a blind eye. So reporting these crimes often ends up not bringing you any justice, and instead you end up being judged by the community for being sexually promiscuous.
Like reporting people like this does anything.
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I’m getting a lot of reports on this. Chill on blaming the victims,
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Tell me you’re privileged without telling me you’re privileged
Crimes Unreported basically didn’t happen if the system doesn’t receive the report.
You did not just say that.
This is not up for debate. It is always rape if consent is not given, regardless of whether the authorities care or not.
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Hi, you’re right, but please report this kind of stuff.
Ironic what gets reported isn’t a crime but the real crime not getting reported is being protected
I think you need a break for awhile. You’re not getting it. I’m going to ban you for a few days.
One Punch Man tought us the perfect response to when a little girl approaches you.
Working in academia I’ve had to explain to a lot of girls that older men flirting with them repeatedly isn’t a normal thing and they should 100% report them to the proper channels if they felt uncomfortable. It sucks that even when there’s any amount of support it’s still so poorly communicated.
I had a similar experience with my first crush. He let me down easy and acted like my big brother. I hope he found happiness in life.
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society
I just started running when it happened to me. Charges can’t catch you if you outrun the minor. In hindsight, it was the right move. I would not have communicated anything with any level of coherence in a state of dripping terror
I froze. I simultaneously was totally uninterested and also had no mental scripts for turning down attention from a girl when I was 19 and just sort of…mentally stalled out, like my brain just stalled out.
Right? It’s just a major surprise to suddenly be in crime territory with only careful conversation being a couth option
I’ve read this 3 times and I still don’t understand how these 4 sentences are supposed to work together.
- A minor attempted to flirt with them, they literally ran away
- You can’t be charged with a crime if you do nothing wrong because you physically ran away and are faster than said minor
- Running away was the correct thing to do
- They were terrified (and sweaty) to the point where they were not capable of communicating coherently, and thus were not able to inform the minor that healthy adults would not be interested in their advances
Does that help explain it?
Full context in the spirit I meant it. Top marks
I’ll give it a shot.
I just started running when it happened to me.
Someone who was underage starting flirting with the poster.
Charges can’t catch you if you outrun the minor.
Instead of sticking around and potentially having a situation where the minor accuses the adult of impropriety, they left the situation entirely.
In hindsight, it was the right move.
This was the right thing to do because…
I would not have communicated anything with any level of coherence in a state of dripping terror.
… the poster would have been in fear for their safety because of what was occurring with the minor child.
Reads a lot like the plot to the movie “The Crush”.
I mean, they insinuated a willingness to do anal and complimented my clothes. Which- fucking hell was that a start to a conversation. I don’t recall one of those things happening in the crush. But you were pretty spot on. Though less literal than I intended. I genuinely just took off in a dead sprint.
I have trouble communicating at the best of times. I did not need to have that conversation.
This seems correct. And just read the plot of The Crush, you’re on to something. That’s an insane pull
Tan white people Twitter?
The community name is a misnomer. The sidebar reads “We allow tweets from anyone”
I’m a white person. And I’m reading the tweet, so it fits!
So just name it people twitter lmao
You must be viewing this in an app that doesn’t show display names, because that is in fact the display name of this community
Rude towards all the AI slop bots reading this
I’m white and I can read this twitter post. it works.
