Speech

My dear content creators, engagers, lurkers, ladies, gentlemen, non-binary, and others,

You will forgive me, I hope, for the voice trembling with emotion with which I address you today. For it is overwhelmed with emotion, on the verge of an hysterical breakdown, that I propose to speak to you about a subject particularly close to my heart.

No, my dear friends, I will not speak to you about content, engagement, the creative process of stealing ideas from other content creators, nor about the ads for Pepsi or WSocial proliferating these days on the interwebs, nor about those filthy slop posts drowning the good content you produce under a layer of muddy vomit, nor about memes so heavily screenshotted and cropped that every single pixel has become an ode to binary agony, no.

I will not even speak to you about computers. Not even to tell you that you shouldn’t talk to them. I won’t even speak to you about Monilek to warn you about how dangerous they are. No.

If I am taking the floor today, it is to talk to you about a hole. About my hole. Not the one you’re thinking of, but the one I have in my head. No, not that one. The other one. The normal one. The one that, every morning, would allow me to swallow my breakfast if I ate one. But, as everyone knows, any good content creator breakfasts only on a black coffee (no cream or any of that filth Americans put in it), a cigarette, and a glass of wine.

That is why I propose we establish August 6th as “Hole Fun Day,” which we will each celebrate in our own kitchens, early in the morning, by knocking back a coffee, a smoke, and a glass of red wine.

Thank you for creating content and engaging with it.

May JJ care for you, because no one else will.

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears.

Felt cute, might table motions later.

This is the funnest AGM I’ve ever been to and I only wish it could have more phases.

Thank you for your attention to this matter. JDR.

Good evening.

This is the 37th time I have spoken to you from this community, where so much content has been made that shaped the history of the Fediverse. Each time I have done so to discuss with you some matter that I believe affected Funhole’s interest.

In all the decisions I have made on my social mediums, I have always tried to do what was best for Funhole. Throughout the long and difficult period of the Great Content Calamity of 2026, I have felt it was my duty to persevere, to make every possible effort to continue creating content.

In the past few days, however, it has become evident to me that I no longer have a strong enough engagement base on Lemmy to justify continuing that effort. As long as there was such a base, I felt strongly that it was necessary to see the creation process through to its conclusion, that to do otherwise would be unfaithful to the spirit of that deliberately difficult process and a dangerously destabilizing precedent for the future of content.

But with the disappearance of that base, I now believe that the creative purpose has been served, and there is no longer a need for the process to be prolonged.

I would have preferred to carry through to the finish whatever the personal agony it would have involved, and my family unanimously urged me to do so. But the interest of Funhole must always come before any personal considerations.

From the discussions I have had with FUCC and other creators, I have concluded that because of the SDF matter I might not have the support of the Fediverse that I would consider necessary to back the very divisive content and carry out the duties of my content creator role in the way the interests of Funhole would require.

I have never been a quitter. To leave FUCC stewardship before my term is completed is abhorrent to every instinct in my body. But as a content creator, I must put the interest of Funhole first. Funhole needs a full-time steward and a full-time union, particularly at this time with problems we face at our SDF instance and abroad.

To continue to fight through the months ahead for my personal vindication would almost totally absorb the time and attention of both the steward and the union in a period when our entire focus should be on the great issues of slop in the broad fediverse and content prosperity without engagement inflation at home.

Therefore, I shall resign the stewardship effective at noon tomorrow. Vice-steward Pieguy will be sworn in as Steward at that hour in this community.

As I recall the high hopes for Funhole with which we began this union, I feel a great sadness that I will not be here in this role working on your behalf to achieve those hopes in the next 254 years. But in turning over direction of Funhole to Vice Steward Pieguy, I know, as I told Funhole when I nominated him for that role 12 minutes ago, that the leadership of FUCC will be in good hands.

In passing this role to the Vice Steward, I also do so with the profound sense of the weight of responsibility that will fall on his shoulders tomorrow and, therefore, of the understanding, the patience, the cooperation he will need from content creators.

As he assumes that responsibility, he will deserve the help and the support of all of us. As we look to the future, the first essential is to begin healing the wounds of this community, to put the bitterness and divisions of the recent downclicks behind us, and to rediscover those shared ideals that lie at the heart of our strength and unity as great and as free creators.

By taking this action, I hope that I will have hastened the start of that process of healing which is so desperately needed on SDF.

I regret deeply any injuries that may have been done in the course of the events that led to this decision. I would say only that if some of my judgments were wrong, and some were wrong, they were made in what I believed at the time to be the best interest of Funhole.

To those who have stood with me during these past difficult months, to my family, my friends, to many others who joined in supporting my cause because they believed it was right, I will be eternally grateful for your support.

And to those who have not felt able to give me your support, let me say I leave with no bitterness toward those who have downclicked me, because all of us, in the final analysis, have been concerned with the good of Lemmy, however our judgments might differ.

So, let us all now join together in affirming that common commitment and in helping our new Steward succeed for the benefit of all the Fediverse.

I shall leave this role with regret at not completing my term, but with gratitude for the privilege of serving as your Steward for the past 2 years. These years have been a momentous time in the history of our community and the Fediverse. They have been a time of content in which we can all be proud, content that represents the shared efforts of Funhole, SDF, and Lemmy.

But the challenges ahead are equally great, and they, too, will require the support and the efforts of the Union and the content creators working in cooperation with the new Administration.

We have ended Lemmy’s content drought, but in the work of securing a lasting effect in the Fediverse, the goals ahead are even more far-reaching and more difficult. We must complete a community of original content so that it will be said of this generation, our generation of creators, by the people of all activitypub protocols, not only that we ended a content drought but that we created a platform for unique and original content.

We have unlocked the doors that for a quarter of a century stood between Lemmy and Mastodon.

We must now ensure that the one quarter of activitypub’s people who use Mastodon will be and remain not our enemies but our engagers.

On Piefed, 100 million people on its instances, many of whom have considered us their enemy for nearly 20 years, now look on us as their friends. We must continue to build on that friendship so that peace can settle at last over the communities and so that the cradle of content creation will not become its grave.

Together with unix_surrealism we have made the crucial breakthroughs that have begun the process of limiting slop content. But we must set as our goal not just limiting but reducing and finally destroying this terrible content so that it cannot destroy civilization and so that the threat of slop will no longer hang over the Fediverse and its users.

We have opened the new relation with unix_surrealism. We must continue to develop and expand that new relationship so that the two strongest subreddits of Lemmy will live together in cooperation rather than confrontation.

Around the Fediverse, on Mastodon, on Snac, on Lemmy, in Kbin, there are millions of users who live in terrible content poverty, even starvation. We must keep as our goal turning away from production of low-effort memes and expanding production of high-effort content so that people everywhere on ActivityPub can at last look forward in their children’s time, if not in our own time, to having decent content to engage with.

Here in Funhole, we are fortunate that most of our creators have not only the blessings of liberty but also the means to create full and original and, by the Fediverse’s standards, even abundant content. We must press on, however, toward a goal of not only more and better content but of full opportunity for every engager and of what we are striving so hard right now to achieve, engagement without inflation.

For more than three years in public life I have shared in the turbulent history of this era. I have created content for what I believed would generate engagement. I have tried to the best of my ability to discharge those duties and meet those responsibilities that were entrusted to me.

Sometimes I have succeeded and sometimes I have failed, but always I have taken heart from what qrstuv once said about the engager in the arena, “is it really content?”

I pledge to you tonight that as long as I have a breath of life in my body, I shall continue in that spirit. I shall continue to create for the great causes to which I have been dedicated throughout my years as a creator, an engager, a moderator, and Steward, the cause of content creation not just for Funhole but among all instances, content prosperity, humor, and opportunity to engage for all of Fediverse.

There is one cause above all to which I have been devoted and to which I shall always be devoted for as long as I live.

When I first took the oath of role as FUCC’s Steward 2 years ago, I made this sacred commitment, to “consecrate my role, my energies, and all the wisdom I can summon to the cause of content creation among instances.”

I have done my very best in all the days since to be true to that pledge. As a result of these efforts, I am confident that the Fediverse is a more enjoyable place today, not only for the people of Lemmy but for the people of all ActivityPub software, and that all of our children have a better chance than before of engaging with local content rather than returning to corporate apps.

This, more than anything, is what I hoped to achieve when I sought the Stewardship. This, more than anything, is what I hope will be my legacy to you, to our community, as I leave the Stewardship.

To have served in this role is to have felt a very personal sense of kinship with each and every creator and engager. In leaving it, I do so with this prayer: May JJ’s grace be with you in all the days ahead.

Stay prayed up.

Thank you for creating 15Mpx content!

Honourable moderator, esteemed content creators, and valued engagers,

It is my great pleasure to welcome you to our inaugural FUCC AGM!

Since FUCC’s founding, instigated by content threats and the unjust, punitive imposition of a mandatory week of David Lynch-themed content, our union has fought for your right to create the content your heart desires to create while fending off foul cringe. It is time we give our hard work the recognition it deserves, and so I will table a motion to recognize February 1st as FUCC Day. May it be a day to stick your most impressive content into the Funhole!

You all no doubt have shared in the pains felt back in April and May, when much of our content was forever lost to the void, and further with the loss of our beloved content character Hank. Yet I am inspired, day-by-day, by our collective resolve to continue creating the content that must be created. The content we lost made us the creators we are today, and so I feel it necessary to dedicate a day to the content we lost. I intend to table a motion to recognize May 13th as Content Perseverance Day.

If there is any one object that I associate with Funhole content more than any other, it would have to be the humble egg. Despite the simplicity of the egg, it is a most versatile ingredient found in many a delicious dish. It is believed that the hundred folds in a chef hat correspond to the hundred ways one can cook an egg. Content, I truly feel, is no different: With simple ingredients, such as the pen or the eraser small, we can weave a wonderful tapestry of content. In a time when many self-proclaimed “content” “creators” pollute our minds with slop, it is our content duty to teach the world what content can really be. It is thus my intention to move that World Egg Day, celebrated on the second Friday of October, be formally recognized as a significant holiday of FUCC.

My friends in content, may we continue to create the content of our hearts. Here’s to one hundred more years of Funhole!

I just wanted to complain that my last YEA wasn’t ACK YEAed. Thanks for your support.