The original fairytale involves even more self harm: when the prince is getting women to try on the slipper one of the stepsisters, on the advice of her mother, cuts off her heels to make her foot fit, having been told when she’s married to a prince she won’t have to worry about walking. But the birds call out to him and make him notice the blood seeping out of the shoes as they head back towards the castle. I think the other sister cut off her toes or something and the same thing happens before Cinderella is found.

The original story involved fur slippers, not glass ones, which is why he didn’t see their horribly mutilated feet immediately. Also fur slippers may or may not be a euphemism for hairy pussy.

Now now, they do have legit applications. For example, they’re good for kids in daycare who are potty training. Kid has an accident? Crocs are easier to clean the pee out of than socks and regular shoes.

But that’s the extent to which I can give Crocs credit.