Reminded me of this :-

SAG-AFRA were so offended by the voices he used during his book reading, they all went on strike for six weeks.

Either I’m surprised you don’t know or I’m surprised your the only person to ask :)

They are a trio of performers who appeared on a kids show called Rainbow back when I was a child (which was a very, very long time go).

We’re gonna have a Conclave, all the way through the night. We’re gonna have a Conclave until the smoke turns white!

(Courtesy of Mara Wilson, of all people)

I’d be cross if someone nailed me to a piece of wood as well!

To be fair, he is shredded. Almost every version of him you see on the cross has him with abs!

(snicker) That’s just capitalism run amok - the price we pay for living in the modern era.

I’m just curious why no one thought “We’re going to celebrate Pride and then four days later CONSIGN THE GAYS TO HELL. Is that a good idea or should we maybe celebrate Pride after Diablo”?

If you’re going to do pointless tokenism, at least don’t do it in a way that makes you look like a twit.

Yeah… I think I can top that.

My parents took me to see MacBeth at a local theatre. Just me and them. I was 13 (third year at senior school).

In Act 1, Scene 3, three soldiers came down the centre aisle, and one stumbled on his sword, then they went up on stage and started talking about the battle. They were doing the general discussion about it, then one of the soldiers raised his sword and said “And he slashed at the enemy like THAT” (I can’t remember the exact line for reasons that will become apparent) and he brought the sword down.

At which point the blade detached from the hilt and flew out into the audience and hit my dad in the chin.

(I’ll just let you take that in for a moment - my dad got hit in the face by A BROADSWORD)

There’s a moment of silence on stage because - I would imagine - the actors are all thinking “Fuck - we just killed a member of the audience with a fucking broadsword. That’s not good” but when there are no screams of terror and/or “OH MY GOD HE’S DEAD” they carry on, albeit with expressions of “oh my god what the fuck” on their faces.

Meanwhile my mum is pulling tissues out of her purse because the phrase “who would have thought the old man had so much blood in him” really did not do the situation so much justice. He was bleeding like a fountain. But the problem was the aisle we were sat by were used in the play and ever so often soldiers kept charging up and down them. So she didn’t want to take my dad up the aisle only to meet the Scottish Army coming the other way.

Eventually someone from the other side of the aisle (who was connected with the theatre) came over and took my dad out, then about ten minutes later my mum plucked up her courage and went out and up the aisle, leaving me sat alone in the dark watching the play and thinking “MY DAD JUST GOT HIT WITH A BROADSWORD AND NOW I’M ALONE IN A THEATRE!!!” then a strange woman came and sat beside me and I know - don’t talk to strangers, but honestly I was kind of glad not to be on my own any more.

They’d been taken to casualty, because apparently it was pretty serious (who knew getting hit in the face with a broadsword was serious?) and it seems that when he was taken into one of the curtained areas they overheard the person in the next area - who had a broken wrist - talking to her husband.

“This is taking a while”

“Yeah, but I just heard that the guy they brought into the next bed got stabbed in the face with a broadsword. So I guess I got off light”

Which kind of made them both laugh.

Anyway - they came back at the interval, and they told me it was all fine. Dad had some stitches, and the guy who swung the sword was full of apologies (he had been more scared than I was - really not a good night for him) and they gave us tickets for the following night for my parents and my two siblings. Apparently they understood why I didn’t want to come back!

We watched the second half, then went home with quite a story to tell.

And when my English teacher asked me what I thought of MacBeth (he’d known I was going to the theatre) during class next day… he was not expecting the story he got :)

It’s been… 40 years or so, and yeah – the look on the guys face when the sword came apart? It stays with you.

Then my work here is done

It would probably need quite a large breaking strain, and would have to be quite long so a dozen or so people can push it and pull it from side to side.

I also may be putting a lot of thought into this. But I have considered storming the gates of Heaven quite often, then realised St Peter would probably stop me and (as a result) have thought about going into Heaven through the back passage. Because taking God from behind seems like the best thing to do.

Wait until you see the next thing I post…

Clearly the invasion force GOT into heaven.

Otherwise they wouldn’t have realised they forgot about God :)

I’d imagine if she did it at the party EVERYONE would know she had a threesome at that party that night.

I think twenty seven distinct poems, from Ozymandias to Kubla Khan, from Funeral Blues to Green Eggs and Ham, from The Second Coming to Tiger, Tiger, from Eloisa to Abelard to Jabberwocky, are all featured in this one poem.

Which is quite impressive when you think about it.

Do you mean the whole show or everything ever made in the history of time?

I’ve watched the whole show about 15 times if that helps.

Yeah - mostly it was the lack of response :)

After a while you get tired of talking to yourself…

Really? Because I’d imagine that took a lot of cooperation and teamwork, and you know what they say about teamwork…

It reminds me of this one :-

Stupid, yes. But funny. Which is what we need in the world.

And, of course, simple maths is just maths that people hasn’t made complicated yet…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIKGV2cTgqA

Well now you are just screwing with my head for fun.