I have survivors guilt. Every girl I meet on hinge seems so traumatized by dating I feel a need to care for them. This does not help me develop healthy boundaries and reveals things about myself I have not noticed I am sure.

my last use of the apps had me match and put me on a first date where i helped someone load, move, and unload a large dining room table they were selling on facebook. it sort of “came up” while we were wrapping up our conversation over dinner. and they were completely unprepared for the logistics. (i always keep tie-downs in my vehicle).

when i was helping them load up the dining room table i got a view of the inside of their house. like a disaster area. like someone in their early 20s who is just figuring shit out after being taken care of their whole life, except we’re both about 40 at this point. piles of stuff everywhere (clothes, miscellaneous junk), a bunch of missing furniture, kitchen a wreck, holes in drywall. it looked like possibly more than one person had moved out suddenly, but not recently.

after we got the table delivered and i was bidding good night, they admitted they were still probably contagious with “some bug”, but were open to making out. i said i was flattered and declined. i figured, optimistically, that was the last i’d hear from them. a few days later they invited me to meet their [previously unmentioned] 5 member polycule at a game night and said there was a lot of drama lately, gave me a dossier on each of them via text, and that two of the members would intensely dislike me but would “get over it”.

that wasn’t my worst experience on the apps, but i decided it would be my last. it’s like they are really only good for finding all the bozos and bringing them into your orbit, bypassing all those social gates we take for granted.