Yes, this is a Boob Appreciation Post (BAP for short 😆), sue me, I like my boobs even though I’m probably only an AA cup.
Went for a walk wearing a sweater. Me being me, made it indecent and didn’t wear anything underneath, which obviously made my nipples stick out, a lot. Bf fell asleep, so I had no sex so I was horny and wearing just my sweater gave me better access, letting me rub my nipples any time.
Don’t sue me, okay? I was super horny and it just feels so freaking good 😭
(God, my body suuuuucks tho)
God, I’m so flat 😭
I told my grandma I was gonna need a bra soon…her response was:
I would give you one, but I don’t think I have a bra that small" 🙃
Gee, thanks grandma! I’m not insecure about being flat-chested at all, don’t worry 😭
Well…no matter what, small boobs are worlds ahead of no boobs at all, for me at least. The sensations of touching them, playing with them, just having them, seeing them bounce in the mirror when I walk, really seeing them bounce when I ride my bf, him sucking on them…OMFG
I love having boobs. It’s a dream come true ❤️
Also, I’ve just kinda…tried my best to stop being insecure about my shoulders. I mean, I’m still secretly hoping they’ll shrink a bit, because of muscle loss…if I’m not lying, I don’t think the “bony part” is as broad as the entire soft part of my shoulders? Idk, I’m just trying to justify having massively broad shoulders I guess…oh well. SRS and FFS for me and I think I’ll be good 🙂
No, don’t worry about me ❤️
CW: dysphoria, depression, suicide, internalized transphobia
I either need to wake up and get myself out of this dark, dysphoric pit or I need to find the strength and finally end it all.
Looking in the mirror hurts. Being alive hurts. Going into public, seeing all the straight cis couple, being so unbelievably envious and crying my eyes out hurts. I’m so fucking envious of them, going on about their lives, doing normal couple stuff, starting families, unbothered by anything…
And I’m just an ugly, hideous monster who pretends that one day, it can be a woman. I’m a joke, I’m an insult to womanhood. Even if I managed to get FFS and body contouring and rib removal and whatever surgery that I can’t afford anyway, I’ll never get better. Because I was born this fucking way and I just can’t change that. In society’s eyes, I’ll never be anything but a monster.
I didn’t want this. I wanted to be a normal, boring everyday cis-girl, living the cis-girl life, doing cis-girl stuff. Finding a partner and starting my own family. That’s not happening and I continue to steal oxygen from everyone else on this planet.
HRT doesn’t seem to be doing shit for me, my body looks exactly the same as it did, my stomach got even fatter, my face looks as masculine as always, the only difference is that I have tiny boobs, which aren’t even visible in everyday life, so nobody even considers the fact that I might be anything else than a fucking cis man.
I’m so fucking tired of being trans, I should just walk up to the tallest building and just throw myself off of it, once and for all. I’m a freak of nature, I’m not even a human, I’m just a fucking monster and that’s what I will always be. I can’t change that.
I should’ve killed myself at 16, I had a whole nitrogen cylinder, it would’ve been painless, just like falling asleep, but no, I gotta make it extra complicated and now dying will be infinitely more painful. I hate myself, can’t even kill myself right…
Fuck my life. Fuck being trans. Fuck this world
I hope this is a pleasant reality check I’m about to deliver.
I’m a cisgender queer man who has been with both men and women (I have not been fortunate enough to date a trans woman yet, but it isn’t for any particular reason other than luck of the draw). When I look at your pictures and read your posts, the caveman parts of my brain react with 100% that-is-a-woman reaction. It doesn’t respond to you in the same way it would respond to a boy. I don’t think you’re missing anything that the other girls have.
You aren’t ugly, you’re beautiful. Your energy is feminine, and it reacts with my masculine energy just like any other cute girl would. I totally get why you’re hard on yourself—I’ve had partners gush over how hot they think I am when I think I’m just ok and know how to dress well.
My point is that it is easy to be our own worst critic, but the mirror that others can hold up for us is likely closer to the truth that the world perceives about us than our own self judgement is.
Talking with you in DM’s has been the highlight of my week. You’ve got it goin’ on, girl! You aren’t an oxygen stealing monster, you’re somebody who has made a stranger smile and who makes people in this community feel good about themselves.
#TeamMiisha
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel what you feel at times, being trans is really hard.
But I really truly hope you can get out of this pit. I promise you, you are very pretty. Also, most people are not that evil, and a lot of people probably see you as a woman, how often do you actually get gendered in public? If I can get gendered correctly by strangers, you sure as hell can, and even if you don’t (which I fail to believe is true), that’s their problem. Also also, you can’t steal oxygen from anybody, and even if you could, you sure as hell deserve to live more than some people, just take a look at the most evil people alive today (you know what I mean), if they are still living you have no excuse, you deserve to outlive them. You are not a monster, you are a super kind-hearted, very feminine girl, and I am not exaggerating when I say that.
I wish I could give you a really big hug, but I can’t (probably, I don’t know). Please promise me you’ll find some people you can confide in, turn up to a social event or something where you’ll know there will be other trans people, I know it’s hard but PLEASE don’t stay isolated.
dm’d you
Believe it or not, you are a pretty creature with a lovely heart. It is such a pleasure to see and read from you.
Monsters are the people pretending we are sick and freak minded, you are nothing alike them.
It makes me so effin’ sad to read all of this, especially since I have been recently feeling most of what you described. I wish I was born cis-girl, somehow I was denied the right to be pregnant, to be seen and heard for who I feel I was meant to be. I spent so much time in denial. I feel you here …
I don’t know what to say about HRT, I am planning on starting some time soon … I may just be another trans girl trying to be kind to a sister, but … you are a beautiful and I mean it.
You will never be alone 🩷
Hug incoming, sweetie. I know how you feel because I’m going through most of that right now too. My problem is I’m probably more than twice your age, so making any progress towards transitioning is terrifying to me.
You’re beautiful as you are. You’re always the best version of yourself right now. Live in the moment, not angry at the past you who didn’t know what you know now, not frustrated looking at the future you who doesn’t resemble what you see in the mirror today.
This is one hell of a a journey. It takes one step at a time and years of dedication. Please be gentle with yourself. You’re the only you there is, and it would be a great loss if we lost you.
Chin up, buttercup. I’m looking forward to seeing your progress in 10 years, ok?