I’m sorry. Thanks for being so kind, but I just don’t see it…

My hips aren’t what I thought they were. I was corrected as to what my hips actually are. They aren’t that wide.

Also, this is self-deprecating, but something about the overall shape just screams MAN at me. It’s the subtle details, the really small ones. And to top it off, my skin sucks because I don’t take care of it.

I’m sorry. I just really don’t see it the same way

It’s the angle, I swear 😭

It’s all an illusion. I don’t look like this, I temporarily altered my appearance for a photo. Nothing more

maybe a little underweight

How tho? 😭
I literally can’t stop thinking I’m way too fat.

The popular body shape changes every decade or so

That’s so true. As with everything “beauty-related”, it’s all subjective and changes on a whim.

Just enjoy your body

I will and am, but I’ve discussed that in other posts 🤣

The things I really need to get a hang of are makeup and clothing. I just…
Sometimes I really try and experiment and then give up, because I just end up highlighting my masc features. It’s a skill issue on my side, really.

Thank you for the tips tho. I’ll try to keep trying 🩷

I was reading the community rules, got paranoid and started getting very liberal with the content warnings, just in case.
As to why they exist, it’s generally bad to assume someone’s gender identity. That’s what I believe, at least.

This is spot on. To the letter. I bet you could even name the exact country I’m from 😆.

This could be why I believe myself to be a bad person subconsciously, however I don’t think it tells the whole story.

As I said, this all started even before my egg crack, when I was relatively “normal”. Even though I did have unusual ideas, like shaving my legs, which the boys told me “only [my country’s equivalent of the F slur for gay men] did”. I probably wasn’t as normal as I remember now, but I definitely tried to fit into the norms.

You’re absolutely right about the majority of things you wrote tho. I’m actually kinda surprised how accurate that is. You even used my username to come to that conclusion…damn.

I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense. My head is a mess right now.

Facial feminization surgery. HRT addresses soft tissue while FFS changes bone structure

True, butt…doesn’t that make me like, weirder than I already am?
I have enough weirdness to go around. Take some from me, please 😭

Also, I have a bf. Checking me out is his job. He’s totally slacking these past couple of days…

Thank you. Really, thanks a lot 🩷

She’s really nice most of the time, but then she pulls one of these and I feel like all our good relations go down the toilet…

Its like my therapist says, intent vs impact. People far too often focus on the intent of what theyre saying to others but rarely think about the impact of saying it. I can tell you that impact is more important, regardless of someones intent.

This makes…so much sense honestly. I never even considered that, but I absolutely get what you mean.
I’m definitely guilty of doing the same. Sometimes, I only consider the intent of my words and not the impact.
Knowing the labels of these concepts, I can do my best to keep myself from doing the same to other people.
That’s actually so nice of you to explain it like that, holy shit. Thanks a lot ❤️

Holy shit, I just checked your profile. You are built better than I am! You’re honestly so pretty 🩷

Yeah, my shoulders are definitely wider than my hips. I went through T puberty, unfortunately 😔

Definitely have a long torso too. That adds to the illusion.

You’re actually built a lot like I am

That’s interesting. Well, I hope you’re built better than me. My body is freaking weird, honestly 😭

Thanks for the butt compliment tho 😆

I really mean that. Really nice and flat. Girl, I’m honestly jealous

Huh. That’s interesting. Pretty belly!

On your stomach? 👀
I hadn’t even considered that…

Can you elaborate?

Neat! I think HRT, changing the fat distribution on your body, might make them more prominent for you? Maybe, I’m not really sure…

Also, I think nature knew what it was doing giving you Venus dimples lol

Thank you sibling.

Hugs 🫂

I won’t ever turn down hugs 🩷

and I hope your days improve

Thank you. Me too, honestly. It feels like I exhausted my supply of bad days for the next week just today.
It really took it out of me. Especially since I was looking forward to it so much. Oh well

I find the journey…quite enjoyable 😂

Thank you. Honestly thank you ❤️

Also…nice username. I love sushi!
You just reminded me how hungry I am, I haven’t eaten anything today. I don’t eat much…

I’ll try to take care of myself and recover from this nightmare of a day. Thanks again, kind Sushi stranger!

Aww, thank you 🩷

I guess this Lemmy account somehow became my personal HRT journal.
Without the fear of someone I know finding me here, I’m really much comfortable talking about some stuff.
For better or for worse…

I do enjoy posting my experiences, even the really bad ones. I hope I can at least provide useful information to someone, even just one person. Probably not, but I’m not giving up! 😆

Anyway, thank you. You’re awesome!

First of all, I would like to thank you for your kind words and for the detailed response.

I’m glad I’m not the only one with these thoughts (am I glad tho??), however it’s still weird and uncomfortable.

If there is one thing I know for sure tho…I absolutely have to tell my therapist about this. It’s kinda getting out of hand, and it gets really bad when I’m not in a good headspace.

I’ll be really honest. I had an exceptionally bad day today. Like, the worst one in a long while.

I feel sick just describing that. This is where the fun ends and shit gets real. I’m a possible danger to myself and it’s time to let someone know, a professional like my therapist. I’ll do that ASAP…

I’m really sorry to anyone reading this. I’m sorry I’m the way I am. I realize how fucked up all of this is. And I swear I’m not making it up either. I really wish I was…

I’m not right in the head. That’s for sure, at least.