I don’t know if this is the right place to ask this, I apologize if it isn’t.
Lately (as in a few years), I have been noticing a higher amount of “jokes” directed at trans (girls specially) in the line of “yes, a girl, but with an extra queue the laughs” and I don’t really know if I’m personally just too sensitive and tired of these things or if is a more generalized sentiment.
I mean, those are things you could say to your trans friend when you’re pretty close and both parts are on the same understanding that it’s a joke, but just watching some video that has nothing to do with the theme and randomly getting the insert slur here (in Spanish there are many to choose from) is surprisingly tiresome.
Of course the moment you say “that’s like a slur tbh” the “counter argument” is “it’s a joke” and then I don’t know what to say. Am I just too tired of the same “joke” or should I call it out? How do you see this “joke”, “trend”, whatever?
You can’t joke about a repressed class unless you are part of that repressed class and thus poking fun at yourself. That goes for race, gender, or any other form of repression. No amount of “it’s a joke” can excuse it. It’s a slur.
If a white person “jokes” that all black people like watermelon and fried chicken it’s totally different from a black person making the same joke. It has an obviously different tone because it’s automatically self-deprecating.
idk i mean people can make jokes about marginalized groups if it’s in an accepting way, and speaks to the truth about the group beyond stereotypes and bigotry. like im a trans woman. someone could make a joke about how common it is for us to work in software, and that could be funny and ok because it’s the truth, whether they themselves are a trans woman or not. a lot of us do work in software in some capacity, including me. usually people outside a group won’t have that kind of nuanced insider information, so all they could do is make bigoted stereotyping jokes. it’s all they have in their head about the group.
im not arguing making jokes about a marginalized group you’re not a part of is a good idea, or that someone would be likely to pull it off, just saying it’s possible to do it tastefully. i only object to the absolute.
someone could make a joke about how common it is for us to work in software, and that could be funny and ok because it’s the truth
I immediately thought of this meme. Not directed at trans folks but the same predisposition for software and IT jobs applies.
I love that joke since the Venn Diagram between Furry->Software Dev/IT<-Trans is pretty interesting, but that is a fun observation, we all laugh.
When the “joke” is repeating, for example, “Oh no Furry, what are you doing with my dog!?!” it stop being a joke and it becomes just target harassment, I think.
I think making a joke about trans women and software is observational humor. Still not good but not as bad as making a joke using a stereotype traditionally used to bully that repressed group. I still think it’s always wrong to joke at the expense of a repressed group, bit there are definitely levels of severity of how wrong it is. But a little wrong is still wrong.
You can ask them to explain the joke. Pretend you don’t get it, several times if needed, until their explanation gets boiled down to calling ppl slurs for fun (usually). Better than calling out as they have to explain the “joke” to everyone around, imo
I’m not trans, so it’s not really my place to draw the line here. But I’m tired of these “jokes” too. Even if they’re genuinely meant in good humor with no ill intent (which often they aren’t), they normalize bigotry, reinforce stereotypes, punch down at a marginalized community, and treat people like punchlines. They’re also just not funny. The slurs make it worse. It should be called out. We should want a kinder world.
How to confront it depends on the setting. It sounds like you’re mostly seeing this in videos and comment sections?
First, protect your mental health. Trolls and bad-faith actors never tire, but you will. Prolonged fights only let them paint you as emotional or unable to take a joke. They’ll drag you into the mud and turn a decent instinct into “comment section drama.”
Second, changing their minds shouldn’t be the goal. They almost never admit fault. I aim to “smother the flames” instead. Keep responses short and flat. Don’t sound offended, don’t invite explanation. “That’s a slur tbh” works. I often go with “bullying is kinda lame bro.” If they pull the “it’s just a joke” card, I might go one layer deeper with “didn’t sound like one” or “you might want better material.” After that, I stop responding.
The goal isn’t to win. It’s to suck the fun out of the thread. The people who would’ve piled on now have to sit with the fact that they’re being publicly bigoted, and the attempt to make the rhetoric feel normal gets undermined.
Whatever approach you take, I respect it. If we stay silent, we let them dictate what’s allowed in the public forum.
That is a pretty nice approach tbh. Didn’t thought on just sucking the “fun” out of it.
I think you’re right. I couldn’t express it well but the normalization and how “casual” those comments and “jokes” are thrown is disheartening.
Thank you, I’ll keep that in mind <3
Lately (as in a few years), I have been noticing a higher amount of “jokes” directed at trans (girls specially) in the line of “yes, a girl, but with an extra queue the laughs” and I don’t really know if I’m personally just too sensitive and tired of these things or if is a more generalized sentiment.
I’m sick and tired of this joke as well, especially since it doesn’t apply universally
My primary school teacher gave me wisdom that I wish more people considered: “If both people are laughing, it’s a joke. If one person’s laughing, it’s teasing”
Some people think that if an individual from a collective laugh then it’s fair game. If a trans person laugh or says the same “joke” then its okay despite being offensive to everyone else, since they have that one endorsement then it’s fair and everyone else is just being “too sensitive”.
And it happens every time.
thats a pretty shitty joke and makes us the punchline. it’s basically “trans women exist haha”. my existence isn’t a joke. also it’s false because many trans women get bottom surgery, and have genitals that would be difficult for a doctor to differentiate from a cis woman without a detailed inspection. so on the one hand they’re invoking “dude in a dress haha”, and on the other perpetuating a stereotypical falsehood about us.
also it’s false because many trans women get bottom surgery, and have genitals that would be difficult for a doctor to differentiate from a cis woman without a detailed inspection. so on the one hand they’re invoking “dude in a dress haha”
I thought the joke was try trans women have to transition to women, which still implies they were ever the gender that others assumed they were at birth and is something many feel like never actually applied. Not sure how it suggests the “man in a dress” idea? I can’t recall seeing such a “joke” in the wild though.
Edit: I thought “yes, a girl, but with an extra queue" was the joke. Just realized “queue” is part of “queue the laugh.” So ignore what I said.
I think the answer is really simple and universal, and applies to all people (especially minorities), not just trans.
If the person who is being joked about, considers this “joke” offensive, then this joke is a slur. If you think that a joke you want to say might offend somebody, just dont say it.
Also, whether the joke will or will not offend somebody also depends on context. For example, some gay people may use homophobic jokes in a sarcastic way, which is okay if people are comfortable with it. This is different from same jokes being used in offensive way by people who clearly hate this group of people.
I would say is the person telling the joke trans? Clara Blackstone makes a lot of jokes that would be quite offensive if they came out of a cisgender persons mouth.
she’s fucking hilarious. thanks for mentioning her.
Most of the time no. That’s why it feels more like an insult than a joke.
Then it’s a bit like a white person doing that Chris Rock bit. You know the one.
