You must log in or register to comment.
Kinda why I thought I might be a sociopath. I don’t ask things like that because I genuinely do not care.
In my experience most neurotypicals don’t as well and it’s just some kind of ritual. Most of the time I just try to copy what the other person is doing to not be awkward and get on with it.
deleted by creator
Your treatment of the word “visibly” amuses me.
deleted by creator
Well … We’ve all been there.
I rarely use people’s names.
I actively avoid it XD
Names are overrated. I prefer being called good boy.
I’ve been married for almost a decade and still sometimes have to put thought into it before I address my wife by name.
I once referred to my oldest friend - whom I’ve known since I was eight - as “what’s-his-name.” The woman who is now the aforementioned wife responded “you mean your oldest and dearest friend?”
Pretty much the only person whose name I can remember without trying is my kid, whose name I had a part in choosing.
If there’s less than a 100% chance that I’m certain what their name is in the second there was an opportunity to use it, I don’t use it; then I immediately beat myself up internally for not using it.
I use them all the time on purpose. People like to hear their own names. It quickly recognizes them as an associate of yours and makes them feel special.
That’s why I don’t like it. I feel being manipulated if someone says my name all the time.
Part of my mask is almost always asking people how they are feeling for the day when I first start my interaction with them. I used to avoid that kind of small talk, but it actually super helps me make adjustments to my conversations with them and gives me context to why they might speak to me a certain way. When I’m in a burn out phase, I tend to avoid it though because I don’t really have the mental energy to process their responses and want to disconnect as quickly as possible.
I engage with them no matter what. My reasons being: if I can handle it, I get a gauge on what mood they’re in and how to talk to them that day, which makes things easier for me since I don’t have to guess. If I can’t handle caring about their response, at least it gets them talking and I don’t have to offer up anything about my life. Just keep steering the conversation back to theirs and they basically handle all the heavy lifting until I can find an out.
Obviously this does not work perfectly all the time but it usually gets me to the finish line.
I think a month or two ago I’d have said the same thing, but I’ve recently hit the worst burnout I’ve ever experienced… There’s been days where I can only get a few words out before my brain just shuts down. Absolutely night and day difference from where I was…sooo now I’m in ultra recovery mode and really focusing on building my battery back up 😓
The solid three minutes after someone asks me how I’m doing before I remember to ask it back, just about every time 😬
That’s me. I do genuinely care, and want to have a conversation, but somewhere i missed that bit of programming and have to go back after the fact.
Exact same for me.
People aren’t waiting for the answer so I doubt they even notice that you didn’t ask
The answer is not the point. The question is what people expect. It is a gesture of friendly respect.
When I ask someone I do generally listen to the reply because I care about the person and want to know how they feel. Most people I ask do ask me back so I try to have an answer ready and it is noticeable when it doesn’t happen, but I don’t mind.
Unless you’re in Europe
“Salut, ça va?”
Fair enough
I find it’s best to just avoid people wherever possible
Back in school, when we were starting to learn english as a foreign language, we were explicitly taught, to answer a “how do you do?” with another “how do you do?” and not to actually respond with how we were doing.
As for the names, I also struggle with that. People greet me like that all the time and I never know, if they are trying to be extra friendly (maybe even because they actually like me and want to show it?), or need to single me out, because they greeted others before, or catch my attention because I’m usually somewhere else with my mind. Or it’s just the way they do it and has absolutely nothing to do with me as a person. Also it seems to be mostly women who call me by my name, now that I think about it. I always just reply “hi” without a name, because I always fear to get it wrong and that stresses me out. Though I think my tone changes depending on the person and how happy I am to see them. Sometimes I think about if I should try responding with their name, to let them know I’m actually happy to see them, because I think it actually does make me feel good, when someone I like greets me using my name. But as many others here, I don’t really know, if it actually makes a difference for them.
Someone said that those Floskeln are there to feel out if you are dangerous.
As soon as I thought of all that stuff more like signals that you won’t attack and your intentions aren’t malicious, it made more sense.
I don’t have a problem with it, but the normies sure do seem like they do.
I’m quite sociable but also very quiet. I’m thinking being polite of not disturbing or interrupting people. However, at some point I start to wonder why nobody is talking to me. Well, duh, I should ask or talk to people, but this never crosses my mind or just flys past me.
These days I’m old and wise. I’ll remember asking about the other person right after the conversation ended, not a week after.
deleted by creator
These social customs are derived from genuine interactions with friends. I’m curious how you deal with talking to people you care about? When I ask my friends how they are doing I’m actually curious about their lives, and I expect them to also be curious about mine. This type of reciprocation is necessary for a friendship in my opinion.
Same. It’s hard to remember because I assume people ask me because they care about the answer instead of it just being a social ritual. For the same reason I don’t ask it back because I genuinely don’t care.
Somehow it’s the exact opposite for me. I assume people are just asking for the social ritual while I actually care about the answer, but it somehow feels selfish in my mind to expect them to give a genuine answer when I hate doing that myself. So I don’t ask. Because obviously, that’s how you get people to not dislike you, right? By not making them do things they don’t want to do.
What IS up though?
