“Why do you have a face. You can’t be coming at me with a face”
“ old man grunt my body is full of bones… you can’t have any. I counted them and it’s like 200.*
“Why are you a dog”
“Why are you a little dog when you could’ve been a big dog”
And finally if no one upvotes this post I’m going to tell her shes a sausage. She became a sausage after my dad died because nobody walked her. She knows she a sausage she just doesn’t like being reminded.
But I’ll tell her she’s a sausage if I don’t get enough upvotes!
Bonus thing I say to my dog and it’s really out there:
Now, the behavior of Andrew Beckett’s employers may seem reasonable to you… but when they fired Andrew Beckett because he had AIDS, they broke the law.
Yeah. I’m kinda weird with my dog lol
When we first got our dog, it was such a novelty having a dog around the house, and my wife would constantly say to him, “Reggie, you are a small dog, and you live in our house.” She would say it like 50 times a day. I still say it sometimes 4 years later because I think it’s hilarious. He still thinks it is high praise.
She’s a sausage.
You can tell she knows it
Best looking sausage I’ve seen in a decade!
“You have so many feet. Let me count them.”
Which of course allows you to count how many feet they don’t have
Also “why is dog?” Is a question asked daily in my house.
A lot of “why are you such a cat” and “why are you such a dog” is used interchangeable across various species in this home.
It is known.
Yeah lol I say the stupidest stuff to my pets. Half the time I don’t even know what it means.
“Why are you a dog with a face”
A family member used to have a small dog that would get all excited if you used a happy voice, he thought he was getting something like a walk, treat or food. I used to say dumb stuff to him like, [in a super happy voice] “Are you stupid? Do you like being stupid? Are you the stupidest dog ever?” He would get so excited and it looked like he was agreeing with you. You could phrase anything in this voice & a happy face. “Do you like to fart?” “Do you want to kill the neighbors? Should we go kill the neighbors?” “Should we steal a car? A big car?” And many more unhinged things I don’t want to write here. He would eventually get a treat for being so entertaining.
We had some Chihuahuas like that, it was only tone that they understood. And you could read a recipe and they’d be excited.
Now though we have a rescue dog that knows the words. When she comes to my office she will make some random vocals to get my attention, I then run through the list of what she might want and have to watch her tail and chattiness for a response.
What is it you want? Outside? …Nothing Call mom? …nothing Hungry? …maybe Fishy? …nothing Dental Bone?..nothing Sardine? …tail going crazy, lots of talking, and excited paws
Note: not salty sardines for humans, but freeze dried ones for dogs.
Call Mom? Is a popular one in the afternoon when she’s starts to miss my wife. I dial (obviously) and they chat over speaker or video call. She has also learned to say hello when my wife comes home.
Final guilt trip post. I’m going to tell her she going to see her friend Remus (my sisters dog) and she’s going to see Shaylee, and amber, and Austin and she’s not a sausage at all!
Or… Or…. I’m going to tell her she needs a bath, and shots, and I’m going to put on my walking outfit but tell her she can’t go but I’m going to get ice cream and she has to stay home. I normally share my ice cream but instead I’ll look her in the eye and say firmly “NO! Bad dog! None for you”
Again read all that in the saw “I’d like to play a game” voice
Her face betrays her private thoughts, and they’re the most insanely inappropriate things I have ever heard. Not one iota of her semihomogenous, meaty dumptruck is even close to anything that could be considered an actual dog. Everyone in this thread is burdened for having suffered through it. I award her no pets, and may Dog have mercy on her soul.
This place is the delightfully garrulous quixotic mens club?
Always has been 🔫
At least tell her she is a beautiful sausage.
No. Demands are clear. I will (with enough likes) will tell her she’s a tiny dog and a pretty tiny dog who is loved and has many friends. Like Remus and Shaylee.
Or…
Or…….
I tell her she’s a sausage! Just sausageing around like a sausage and the whole internet knows it!
I hope you all read that in saw “I’d like to play a game” voice.
Good girl or suasuage the choice is yours.
