Last night I had a hookup for the first time. I told the guy I wanted him to use a condom, which offended him because he was like, “Why do I need to use one if you already have an IUD? Do you think I’m some STD-ridden guy?” I told him I just don’t know him that well. Either way it was fine in the end, he put it on and it was a fine night. Now I’m thinking, was I being a pushover?
For me personally, it’s bit of a red flag if the pregnancy/std conversation doesn’t happen before sex. I need to know that you take the risks as seriously as I do. I’m not into guys, but I definitely wouldn’t be into a guy this dismissive about my safety.
Not if you like avoiding STDs.
No. The IUD is none of his business. Maybe you don’t want an STD, maybe you dont want to deal with the mess all night…who knows… But it should never be a debate, and if it is, buddy can go find another velvet underground… And yeah, you really cant trust people these days, trust is earned!
“Do I look like some STD-ridden guy?”
“Well, STD-ridden guys tend to refuse condoms. That’s how they got their STDs. So you tell me.”
The way he worded his question suggests that actually he might have some STDs. Because he didn’t say, hey, I got tested two months ago and haven’t slept with anyone around then or since. In other words, he could have comforted you on the STD front, but he chose not to, because he was accidentally being honest.
Also, because the two of you don’t know each other that well, it’s better for everyone if both parties are extra safe. Because you just don’t have that long track record.
Others have said it well but I want to just say that you shouldn’t think of this in terms of “being a pushover”. You were setting boundaries and if those boundaries aren’t being respected, then you shouldn’t be sexually active with that person.
“Yes, actually. I assume everyone has STDs until they take a test to prove otherwise. It’s just safer that way. You’re literally hooking up with me, so I assume this isn’t the first time you’ve hooked up with someone. Can you vouch for everyone you’ve been with before me? And do you trust everyone I’ve been with before you?”
Like bro, you’re a fool if you’re offended when someone asks you to wear a condom. That is so concerning that I’d never contact him again. Someone who is OFFENDED at being asked to use protection is giant walking red flag.
I’m sorry you even have to ask if you were being too pushy. You weren’t. He was being insane. It’s YOUR body, you get to decide what you’re comfortable with. Never let someone pressure you into being less safe than you want.
You did the right thing in insisting!
Speaking as a cishet man, the only time any two people can have unprotected sex is when both parties know the STD status of each other. He has to understand that IUDs are for pregnancy prevention, not STD prevention. If you wish to continue with this guy and at some point you want to start having unprotected sex with him, go get STD tested together. In the meantime, he has to wear the condom. If that bothers him, dump him. Don’t put your body and your life at risk.
STD’s are no joke, wrap it before you tap it.
No, it’s your body, if you’re not comfortable then you get to draw the line. The fact he argued with you about it is a red flag IMO.
was I being a pushover?
Only if you let reddit decide for you.
That said, I personally would never see someone like that again.
There were ways he could have voiced his confusion without being pushy, like “ah, want to be doubly-protected, eh?” and then proceed to put it on.
IMO it’s good practice to, at the very least, START any physical relation with barriers. If you want to move away from them over time, that’s something all parties need to give enthusiastic consent for.
hold up. let’s ignore the fact that you have an IUD, and that you were both clean.
any sexual partner that throws shade about wearing a condom should be put on an automatic “no-fuck” list. the only exception to this is if you have been regularly raw-dogging without complaint.
point is, your partner was trying to compel you to remove safe sex protections that you were comfortable with. this isn’t the first time they have done this with a partner and implies they have unprotected sex regularly.
you got lucky, this time. if safe sex is important to you, you need to set those ground rules and not allow your partners to dissuade you, because one day you will regret it.
the next time this happens and they try to guilt you into fucking them raw just tell them, “I guess it’s alright, I don’t have any condoms small enough to fit you.” I can guarantee the mood will be dead and you won’t have to tell them to wear a condom again.
Nope. Feeling a way about how others should treat your body is never over the top. Rules is rules and rule-breakers get to walk home all sad-face.
I hope you had a good time in the end!
Well “being a pushover” is the opposite, if you’d relented and let him hit raw then you’d be a pushover. I think you meant “being pushy,” isn’t English fun lmao.
But also no dude it’s not just for babby but also STD, he shouldn’t trust you either. On the “no std” nor the “has any form of birth control” tbh, women lie about that (and the no std part) all the time, multiple have lied to me about it and I’m just one dude. Protect yourselves out there.
Do you think I’m some STD-ridden guy?
Who do you think would say such a thing?
- a partner that loves and respects you.
- an STD-riddled guy.
imma say Number 2 for 1000.
also side note.
Yeah, he put it on… but did he leave it on? was it one he tampered with? His reaction makes him 100% not trustworthy.
