In your opinion, if your partner slips their hand under your sleepwear and fondles your naked body, are they initiating sex?
No. We touch each other all the time. Touching doesn’t have to be sexual, and sexual touching doesn’t have to be an overture. I mean, it already IS sex, but a little squeeze or fondle doesn’t necessarily become fucking.
Maybe, or they just want some intimacy or titilation.
They could also just be distracting me before a vicious tickling.
Probably?
As always with sex: Communication is key.
Be an adult, use your words, don’t expect mind reading, or assume that you can.
EDIT:
Also… what are the actual bounds of ‘initiating sex’?
Do you mean… requesting penetrative insertion, by means of fondling the involved area, as foreplay, to be later uh, made more mechanically involved?
Or… is fondling genetalia itself, sex?
A guy can come from a hand job, a gal can come from being fingered.
If thats the case, thats what you mean… then sex has arguably, definitionally, already commenced.
I guess you also didn’t specify what part is being fondled under the pants.
Generally, I’d say any under the pants action is a pretty clear sexual act, but othet people may not agree with that, to some extent.
Maybe grabbing a cupfull of ass is significantly different to a handful of cock or kitty, to some people.
Maybe tracing a line just barely under the pants, near the genitals, but not actually touching them… maybe that constitutes an actual sexual act, maybe its foreplay, maybe its nothing, for different people.
There are so many potential variables and things that people take for granted that each detail just works the same way for everybody, without actually explicitly discussing…
You have to actually use words, and stop being cutesy or embrarassed or forcefully assertive without words.
That moment when you accidentally have sex with someone, by bumping into their crotch with your hand.
… What are you trying to say, exactly?
‘Having sex’ is different than ‘a sexual act’.
If I bump into you in a crowd, and accidentally or intentionally quickly grope you, well, maybe thats a kind of sexual assault, or maybe its a genuine accident.
But if I grab hold and don’t let go, untill you climax… well, thats different.
Surely you can see, consent or nonconsent aside, that the consistent amount of time dedicated to a, or a combination of sexual acts, at some point, it crosses over into a threshold and is now ‘having sex’ or ‘fucking’ or… whatever verb variant of ‘fucking’ thats more specific to the kind of fucking, ‘fingering’, ‘blowing’, ‘eating out’, etc.
Or, maybe I’m being way too autistic, and you’re just making a pithy joke?
Yes, it was supposed to be some sort of joke 😞
Ah.
… having sex and meta-concepts around sex as a kind of autistic hyperfocus… can lead to some strangeness.
I didn’t mean to totally dress you down for no reason, I tend to overanalyze.
On the other hand…
👉👈
…perhaps you would be amenable to another kind of being dressed down, as an apology for my misplaced analytical zealotry?
I can be gentle.
=P
I really, really appreciate it, and would love to offer myself up normaly.
But I thought about it before, and sadly, it turned out I’m def not gay 😅
I envy you people who have all those options, and who can please anyone!
Well hey, no harm done, no offense taken!
Take it as a kind of awkward compliment then =P
… I wouldn’t say that I can please anyone though.
I’ve dated a significant amount of different kinds of people.
… Some people, sure, they can be pleased sexually, but in general? As a person, in a relationship?
No, they have massive insecurities, and try to train you into basically being a scape goat or emotional or financial dumpster for all of them… its not possible to please such people in that sense, because they are too broken to be able to love, and either too cowardly or proud to realize that… they are their own problem, and they are the only ones who even have a chance of fixing it.
… I hope that you are not that kind of repressed, by that kind of person, who can never take accountability for their own actions or inactions, and instead blames them all on someone they act like they own, not love.
If you are… you’re better than that, and you’re better than them.
You just have to believe it, and know it.
I mean, thank you. I’m a dude just to be sure, I assume you are too. I have no experience in that, I was asexual till 28 basically, a prude. Now I whore out for free lol.
I mean, I’m not selfish, you can oogle my posts if you want anyway, it does not hurt me, although there is not much to see.
Sorry you had such partners, you seem pretty chill.
Good rule of thumb, fondling below the belt= yes, fondling above the belt=probably just enjoying the body.
See, personally, as a guy, if somebody just obviously and intentionally grabbed me by the hen and her two children, over the pants, in most contexts…
… i’d interpret that as an extremely sexual act, as the uh, first act to a grander play.
Either that or basically sexual assault? Done purely to assert a kind of dominance or essentially ownership?
Not necessarily. We like touching, feels nice.
Quite possibly she could just be nostalgic for stick shift manual transmission driving. 🚗
Yes, but only if they have prior consent to do so. The answer should be assumed to be no by default.
Wake-up sex is awesome (being woken up to sex happening) but get some kind of consent beforehand. I’m not saying have them sign paperwork, but have an understanding that it’s okay to touch them without asking first. Some people have trauma, or some other reason, for not wanting sex initiated on them as opposed to them being actively involved in the initiation.
It kind of borders on a “free use” situation, which is okay if both parties agree to it. Free use basically meaning you can get it whenever and wherever you want. It can go one way or it can go both ways. It can just involve the couple or the “freely used” partner can be shared with friends, but all these rules have to be defined and it has to be okay to change them at any time.
If the other person consents and you’re both sober and legal — then it’s fine.
If they’re not, then I soon will be.
Affirmative.
Maybe, could also just like physical touch in that manner. Could also just be sleep “walking”?
You can’t be sure unless you ask.
Always a hard YES when it happens. Still love to put my hand down the front of my GF’s jeans and squeeze her pussy. If she let’s me do that we are obviously going to fuck
