You draft up messages of what to say to someone but never really send them. Instead, you pretend that they’ve responded to whatever nonsense you conjured. In the time you could’ve spent potentially building a friendship, you’ve got nothing and sometimes even think you’ve reached out (this has gotta be one of the biggest downsides to virtual communication imo I’ve never been able to convince myself that I’ve been in person with someone)
Perhaps this might be a sign of low-self confidence?
Starting to think I might be neurodivergent as I get older although I’ve never been diagnosed. What I’m describing is a pattern when it comes any type of person who is new in my life.
I guess it explains why I’ve mostly kept the same set of friends since elementary/high school though 😅 curious if anyone has pointers
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As an extremely late diagnosed autistic person, I know exactly what you’re talking about.
I put some measure of effort into drafting the message but the whole time I’m realizing what it is that I would say (by the act of composing what I’m going to say) I’m hearing the reply that this person would have to the message I’m planning.
These days, I recognize that it’s kind of a courtesy to send them the message anyway. I know the response they would send (which isn’t to say I know the exact words of the message they haven’t sent, but I know the mood of their response) but I will give them the message/question anyway so they can be on the same page as me when next we interact.
lol incredible that was relatable by such a specific description 😂
It’s so tough, I also feel like it’s rooted in not wanting to be perceived because it’s impossible to know exactly what they’re thinking when they see a message/communication from me. You can pick up a vibe of course, but I’ve been living my entire life just picking up vibes and it seems like spinning the wheel in the early stages of a relationship with someone in any capacity (obviously not really an issue with friends I’ve known for decades though).
I also haven’t found a way to deal with the negative emotions when things go awry by anything other than disassociation. Then I try to go to a therapist, the the therapist says I might be autistic and doesn’t do anything to help, I tell my family and my family says I’m never happy with any therapist when the answer is probably just finding a therapist who has been in my shoes and isn’t just trying to put themselves in my shoes
I don’t have anything to add but this is extremely relatable
This is called social avoidance. It’s a maladaption.
The underlying causes can vary and you’d need a health professional to diagnose. This is an extremely common reaction for:
- social anxiety disorder
- avoidant personality disorder
- rejection sensitivity dysphoria, a common factor of ADHD
- autism