“b-but bears are actually dangerous!” Shut the hell up.

  • zea
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    -18 months ago

    You’re right, feelings do matter, and this post did not dispute that. It’s just that safety matters more.

    It saddens me that the default interpretation of this is accusatory and requiring of defense. Not to personally blame you, this is very common and clearly a systemic reaction, but I don’t know enough psychology/politics/sociology to understand why, just enough to know it’s bad.

    • @derf82@lemmy.world
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      58 months ago

      It saddens me that the default interpretation of this is accusatory

      It’s saying men are inherently unsafe to be around. How is that not accusatory?

      This isn’t about women’s safety versus men’s feelings, it’s about women’s feelings (of safety) versus men’s feelings (of respect).

      • xor
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        8 months ago

        But it doesn’t say you personally are unsafe, it says that the odds that a man chosen at random is unsafe is high enough that women - understandably - fear being left alone with a random stranger to a level at least comparable with being left alone with a bear.

        An enormous number of men fail to understand just how common and how terrifying it is for women to be harassed, assaulted and raped by men. And that is exactly what the bear/man hyperbole is pointing out.

        And the reason people with takes like yours get chewed out for it is because you could do some reflection and consider

        what is this systemic issue, what behaviours might make women around me scared, what can we as a society do to change this, and what can I do to avoid women around me fearing I may be unsafe?

        But instead, they take it as a personal attack, and so respond

        why am I being attacked for someone else’s behaviour?

        Edit: here’s another example in a similar format to demonstrate how the meme is being misinterpreted, note how your first response wouldn’t be “why are you accusing all priests?!”

        “Who would you rather babysit your child, a bear or a Catholic priest?”

        • @derf82@lemmy.world
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          -18 months ago

          It’s what it says to me and many of us. Perhaps it’s the messaging.

          What do you mean what behaviors? I don’t harass women. I barely talk to people I don’t know. But yet people are still scared of me.

          And I would 100% pick a catholic priest. What a dumb choice. And, yeah, you are accusing everyone.

          • xor
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            18 months ago

            I clearly said: it’s not targeted at you specifically, but at that fact that women are disproportionately more likely to be harassed or assaulted, and when that happens, the aggressor is almost exclusively men.

            They’re not scared of you because you’re personally scary, they’re scared of you because there’s an ingrained culture of sexual harassment of women by men. So when you say “that’s a nice dress” to a woman you don’t know, she’s not thinking “aww cute”, she’s thinking “is this guy being nice, or will they threaten me if I turn them down?”

            Seriously, ask literally any woman you know if they’ve ever been sexually harassed, and the answer is almost guaranteed to be yes.

            I would 100% pick a Catholic priest

            Yes, I know that, that’s how hyperbole works. My point is that such a statement shouldn’t be interpreted as “every priest is a child molester” but as “there’s a concerningly high rate of them, and they’re probably not a good option for childcare.”

            You are accusing everyone

            When did I say “all men are <whatever you’re saying I’m accusing all men of>?” Stop making this about you, and actually try to understand why interactions with men can be terrifying for women.

            • @derf82@lemmy.world
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              08 months ago

              If you are not targeting all men, stop talking about men as one generalized body.

              Sorry, when you say “I’d rather encounter a bear than a man” it sure as hell sound like you are saying all men are dangerous. If that isn’t what you are saying, you are saying it poorly.