I felt the same way upon having that realization. I think part of it is the shock that comes from noticing changes in your body that you’re actually present for but idk. Change is scary even if you’re at the stage you’re at, it can get easier to deal with, but it’s always scary.
For what it’s worth, I feel really happy about my breast growth now! That panic went away pretty quickly and hasn’t come back.
Laser session #3 tomorrow and 1 year of HRT next week! The world is such a scary, weird place but a lot of my internal struggles with self-acceptance and dysphoria are starting to feel smaller and smaller and I’m so grateful for that. I’ve made some really amazing friends that I keep growing closer to and I feel gender euphoria on an almost daily basis now :)
Lots of issues in my life still, whether they’re a result of being trans or not, but I have to celebrate the good when it’s there! 
It’ll all hit you in awhile that things are different and that feeling is the best!
Oooo hell ya! The yearning is sort of amazing
Happy for you! :)
Congrats! Super exciting time for you! Both the estradiol and bloodborne lol. I don’t care for fromsoft games like I used to, but that one will always hold a special place in my heart.
Yep, nothing comes out for me either. I’ve heard that it’s different for everyone, but most people that I’ve talked to about this say the same thing sooo idk? I thought it was weird the first time but I’m happy w it now!
I believe in you and your ability to leave! I grew up in one of the reddest states and now I live in one of the bluest and it really is so much better. You find friends easier, jobs, partners etc. being trans is still harder than being cis anywhere unfortunately but I hope you can hang on because you deserve to live a life that doesn’t hurt this much. <3
It sucks in the moment but this really is one of those “time heals all” things. You’ll find your own way and the pain/anxiety will dull but I think this is something that we all go through. Try to keep busy by focusing on unpacking, diving into hobbies/friends, basically anything but sitting around and focusing on how things are different now. The nights are the hardest but you’ll get through this and soon enough it’ll feel normal. I wish there was something better I could offer but it’s just sad unfortunately, especiallyyyyyyy the feeling of leaving a home. :( Sending love!
That was… surprisingly not bad? The people were incredibly kind to me as well!
First laser appointment in 30 minutes!!! aaaaaaaaa!!
I totally relate to that as well. You’re not faulty or fucked up, just on a journey and you’ll get there :)
I’m so happy that they had a positive impact for you :) I’m not on here a bunch, but feel free to dm me in the future for whatever reason! It’s always nice to have someone you can bounce feelings off of, irl or not <3
:::Wow, same here. I drank a lot during the early years of covid because I could act different and blame it on that. Also just felt nice to think less about something so all-consuming. Never really drank much before that because my family has a ton of substance problems. I read through some of your other posts and I’m so sorry that you aren’t in a place where transitioning feels easier. I got lucky with my relationship, although there’s still been issues that have come up because of transitioning. But a big part of hiding it for so long was the fear that I would lose someone that I care a lot about :/.
I eventually decided that I had to pursue it regardless because once the egg is fully cracked, you can’t just put it back together. Also, I figured that if my partner wasn’t OK with me being me, then it wasn’t going to work anyways. Really scary to confront, but necessary.
None of this has been easy but it’s absolutely been worth it and I haven’t regretted a second. I really hope you can find your peace in this situation however that manifests for you but just know that you aren’t alone in your experience or your feelings 
Beautiful cat. It’s so hard losing pets that you hold this dear but it sounds like he was loved and cared for which is more than so many other cats can say and I’m sure he felt lucky to have you 
I feel this way too! I think it’s a little of both tbh. Dysphoria and dysmorphia are horrible and it can be really difficult to see yourself through any other lens. I’m constantly worried that when people compliment me, it’s in a “be nice to the tr***y” kind of way but it still happens and with total strangers too like you said and I do have lots of days where I don’t hate how I look. If I had to guess, I would say that you’re just a beautiful girl but it’s difficult for you to personally see that because of the aforementioned dysphoria/dysmorphia. I hope that one day you can fully see that in yourself, but I wouldn’t really know how that manifests because I’m stuck in the same position :/
That’s a good point. Thanks for the perspective!
Yeah exactly, the lack of information is rough. I’m leaning towards keeping on as I have been because I feel like whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen either way. I just get a tinge of discomfort when I see people talking about how they couldn’t even get a prescription until a year in or something. Like I’m doing something wrong idk. It seems like I’m progressing at a pretty normal rate right now, like my chest was really tender and sore for quite some time (less sore now) and there’s definitely some growth so maybe I’m just stressing myself out over nothing 
I’m hitting the stage where it feels like I fully see myself in the mirror. Everything feels lighter, my friendships are better, my relationship with my partner is better. I feel so fucking pretty and whole for the first time aaaaaaaa