And no, please dont suggest homeless shelters, those are just unsafe and very demoralizing.
The very first thing I looked for (and forgive me for this, this is gonna be a controvertial one here) is the military, because thats just what lots of reddit threads mentioned, and like it would be an immediate exit from a toxic household, and yes, that would mean enduring an institution thats also kinda toxic, but thats only a few years and you’re free, and its much more predictable. Except they dont accept anyone with depression and you have to prove you’re “fine” for probably 36 months to even get a waiver. So that’s crossed off as an option.
Jobcorps, well thats for low income families, and being a dependent means your parents income is what counts so i dont qualify
Americorps NCCC, well that seems seasonal and the next thing doesnt start till like months later (not sure if I’m even reading the website correctly)
Ngl I lowkey just thought of enlisting so once I finish that, next time we meet, I could stand in front of my toxic brother just staring at him menacingly, like whatcha gonna do, fight with an ex-soldier? Not to mention the prestiege of veteran status. And btw its only 1% thats acrually ever gonna face real combat so its not like WW1&2 trench warfare, its mostly just logistics, and like a civillian job, you’d be contributing to shareholder value anyways so there isnt really much of a “moral highground” either way, except working a retail job or some shit is very demoralizing but military has the reverance. And also
But anyways I’m not eligible anytime soon anyways. I doubt I’m even “manly” enough for it.
Bruh idk what to do really, you know that one movie, Parasite where like they work in a rich person’s mansion and that shit. I’m not a fan of rich people but like I lowkey wanna like just “housesitter” and chill in some nice mansion with great views, and maybe even find secrets and become a movie plot. (edit: okay this part I’m half joking, its more like a fantasy daydream of “I get to be in a movie plot” probably unrealistic for someone that never been in proximity of high wealth)
I’m in Philly, PA btw.
(Also should I pack light with just a backpack and just one or two change of clothes and laundry often or just carry every clothing I could fit in a suitcase?)
look at getting a job on a shipping barge if you can. there’s all sorts of support staff like medics, cooks, IT, etc, that work on barges. you’ll get to travel around the world, “free” room and board, and you’re paid quite well since you can’t leave once you’re on deck.
can you take some community college and are you ok with blood. phlebotomy is one course and you can make above minimum wage within a thing that limits the applicant pool. if you take a few more courses they will generally pay you a bit better and you could use that as a springboard toward nursing.
CNA school is also usually only 3 months but is pretty physically intensive and you’re stuck with the same patients for the whole shift which sucks if they’re unpleasant.
yeah this guy wants to get out of the house fast though. there is enough demand and it has a nice ability to keep on expanding if you can handle whats needed for each degree level.
Except they don’t accept anyone with depression, and you have to prove you’re “fine” for probably 36 months to even get a waiver.
Seeing how many soldiers commit suicide, 36 months might be too short to waiver out depressed service members. https://www.bu.edu/articles/2024/suicide-now-the-primary-cause-of-death-among-active-duty-us-soldiers/
Postal service is a bit of a slower option. It takes at most, two years of part time work to get a full time job, but that full time job can afford rent in cheaper areas and you can transfer anywhere in the country with no pay cut.
From reading your responses, I don’t think you should concentrate on moving out. Take the opportunities your privilege allows (e.g. having shelter and food) to work on yourself from that safe location. I would go to therapy and discover why youre feeling like this and in the meantime, do some work in a store or something. It’s menial, sure, but it’s something. If you feel like it, you can give your folks some money to feel like you’re contributing.
I did therapy with 2 separate people, one was a 1st-gen Mandarin speaking lady with a weird accent (for context I’m also ethnically Chinese), another was a white male. Neither helped.
I had medications from a General Practitioner, Lexapro and Sertraline or something. And then later Wellbutrin/Buproprion combined with Hydroxyzine for sleep and anxiety. Nothing really helped but the hydroxyzine did suppress anxiety for a bit but it also makes me tired af and kinda brainfog.
So I just ghosted them and stopped taking the medications.
I think people in Philly, and perhaps most big cities, have this weird attitude against their “paitients” (aka people they wanna milk money from)
And no giving them money wouldnt feel like contributing. Commingling of assets and then they would only tell you how much they “love” your and “omg we sacrafises so much”, and any money you give them would only be repaying a debt that you’ll never be able to finish paying, the debt of my birthmother giving birth to me and raising me for 18+ years. So… my desire was a clear boundary, both financially and physically. Even just for a a few months to maybe 2 years (and maybe beyond that)
Like I dont mind using their house as a temporty stop in between different seasonal gigs or something, but i dont wanna stay for long. I want a “safe space” that no parent, no sibling, no drugaddicts or burglars, would be able to breach into.
If you’re fluent in both get an interpreter certification. In healthcare and probably some other high reliability industries we’re not yet at the point where TTS / STT and ai translation can fully interpret yet. Specialty languages like Mandarin take a long time to connect so there’s probably a shortage (I know it’s got the most speakers worldwide, but the most common 2nd language in the US is Spanish). It’s also a telework job, it’s almost entirely done by phone / video call these days. You might need to brush up on medical terminology specifically and the finer points of exact translation but if you already know the language that’s probably not a huge leap. I’m thinking that’s going to get automated in the next 5-10 years but it should get you out nowish which sounds like the goal.
Any seasonal picking jobs you could donin the local area. Maybe getting outside and doing some work under the sun might help too.
Look, life is an ongoing struggle to find the thing that is right for you. Even then it will always be a compromise you make with yourself. You have only tried 2 therapists. That isn’t enough. Maybe you get lucky with your first but if one isn’t working for you, you try someone else. You might find a different kind of therapy works better for you but you need to try. Look into Better Help and see if you can get a match on a therapist that would suit your needs more. But please, go back to therapy. For you.
I could say almost the same thing about your meds too. You need a better prescription - talk to your GP about how your current meds make you feel and you can both tailor it to what you need.
Work on yourself mentally before you do anything else. It is your foundation. You can’t run away from your mind, it comes with you so it’s best to get it sorted out first. The fact you acknowledge you have some issues in that area is great - you know there’s a problem and that’s a major first step on your road to success. But you need support, and there’s no need to make the future harder by removing some of the support network you currently have.
Do you speak Mandarin? Doesn’t China have some kind of program for “re-immigration” of people of Chinese descent? I recall reading articles about young adult unemployment being even worse there, but that may have been focused only on college grads looking for college level work, rather than a strong young body willing to work a factory and stay in company housing.
I’m ideologically opposed to PRC so its not really an option. On top of that, it’s also a lot harder to find jobs and I have first hand account of work conditions being way worse, its the entire reason why my parents left. Also no unions, strike action is technically illegal, not as much worker rights and protections. Not as glamorous as the media portrays it, dont be mistaken, its not even by any means socialist.
Edit: Oh btw did you know, once you start to be around a certain age, and some have said that this could be as low as 35 or so (or perceived to be over that age), you will get discriminated heavily when trying to find work. In contrast, the United States has anti discrimination protections so that discriminating by age (against those 40 or older) is illegal, so if they have like 100 employees and its all 20s or early 30s, its a lawsuit. Theres no anti-discrimination protections like that in China. If you break a leg sometime in the future, oh boy, you’re gonna have a rough future. Accessibility is not great.
The culture is also very “pull yourself up by the bootstraps”, but Chinese Edition.
Ok I know this really isn’t what you’re after, but have you considered taking 6 months to hike a long distance trail such as the AT or PCT? It only costs a few thousand for all the gear and permits and gets you out on your own for a good many months. Along the way you will develop survival and social skills which may find you in a better paying job. And for your dickhead brother, you could brag about that journey.
A few thousand? I bet you could cut it down a lot more than that.In good weather, you just need a tarp to keep dry in the rain. You just really need food, and armies used to march on hard tack for months. Bring some multivitamins and some protein source (peanuts?) and I think you’d probably be ok? [Source: Thinking but not doing, feel free to correct.]
And if you’re just avoiding reality, you don’t need to travel 20 miles a day, so you don’t need expensive boots, doubly so if you’re travelling light.
I mean, in theory, I think you’re right. But while a $200 build out is possible & miserable, a $2000 build out can be something actually enjoyable.
Also, you should always keep some escape money in case you get injured and need a hotel for a night or two. Even for things like hard tack, while technically possible I guess, you would still need some mechanism to make hard tack at scale. I would not encourage this option for people that aren’t able to dedicate $3k-$5k for all gear/food/permits/hotels/etc.
Hard tack is just flour mixed with water baked into an oven until it’s dry. Easy enough to make at home, but you’d have to carry it, and if you wanted to make it on the trail, you’d have to carry a pan and the flour and the water and hope you can get some firewood.
I still think your $2,000 price point is past the point of comfort and into luxury for fair weather camping, but I haven’t priced anything out in a while. I think I got a decent pack for $200, boots for $150, bag for about $100, tent $300. Water filter. I don’t want to bother with cooking, so I never bought any cooking equipment.
And if you’re just trying to get out of a depressing and abusive household, holing up in a tent with a book until the rain ends is an improvement; dang, I do want some rain gear, though.
What are these permits? When I was looking into the AT, there were designated camping areas which maybe you could reserve or occupy, but there were stretches of trail which were just designated as “go ahead and camp anywhere around here.”
For a few regions such a smoky mountains you need permits ($30-$60 depending on region, but you need a few for the entire journey)
The main category you’re missing is just food & fuel. Even for just hardtack (which is in the ‘survival’ range not ‘comfort’), 3000 calories of flour costs about $1 according to google. Across 6 months on the trail that’s $180 for the flour, plus another $200+ for the fuel. But more realistically you will want some fruits and veggies and meats and so on. Which pumps it up to $1k for the trip even while also eating a lot of hard tack.
Have you looked into working with the National Parks? A lot of their entry level positions only require a HS level education, and many parks offer employee housing. I’ve heard it’s quite competitive (both for jobs and for housing) but it’s still worth considering. State parks, DNR, BLM, etc. might be an option too depending on where you live.
You could enroll in college and get loans to pay for a dorm, but 2weeks is short notice and a degree is no guarantee of success. They can definitely help though, and it’s good to have a well rounded education not to mention networking opportunities.
If you don’t have to move out, consider staying though. You could always start with a community college or trade school while you stay.
Dunno how to give you advice. “Want out immediately, but not so immediately as to be homeless” and “military is kinda appealing, but there might be a waitlist if you have depression.” And “I dont want to do demeaning minimum wage jobs” all kinda conflict with one another. Also, the fuck you worrying about prestige for? That’s ridiculous, either get in the house or get out. Prestige ain’t got shit to do with it.
Also, the fuck you worrying about prestige for? That’s ridiculous, either get in the house or get out. Prestige ain’t got shit to do with it.
Cuz my older brother (he’s like 29 and we still live together) keeps shittalking me and say shit like “you’ll never be good enough for anything, maybe you should just be a janitor” cuz he has a college degree. (Even though he only has a normal job and never got to use the degree and the job isnt even degree related.)
I have multiple degrees and your brother is a dickhead. Also, janitors are important, anyone looking down on them is a fool.
Some universities even give you a tuition waiver if you work there full time, even as a janitor. Good way to get a degree, benefits usually aren’t bad either.
I remember being a kid and teachers telling us stuff like “you’ll end up as a garbage man” only years later to find out unionized garbage men make more money than public school teachers.
They definitely make a decent amount in most places.
And they find some pretty cool shit people toss away.
You could look into WWOOFing. Basically participating owners of small farms provide you 3 meals a day and a place to sleep in return for helping out about half of every day. Seems like a decent option until you can get your feet under you, and would afford you enough time (the second half of the day) to figure that out.
Granted, in the winter you’ll have fewer options (animals and greenhouses mostly).
WOOFing is for rich college kids who have a nice home to go back to after their ‘adventure’, not GED holders who need to work to support themselves.
Why? It seems like a lot of farms just love free labor, but, sure, I don’t doubt there’s some implicit classism there. Get dreaklocks, a tatoo, and a septum ring and you might be passable without a college degree.
If you’re handy, some apartment/condos offer a discount on living at the location while you work there, such as doing maintenance or groundskeeping or such.
Doing maintenance isn’t a glamorous job, and you’d likely be on call, but its a living and does have some career progression.
At this point, the question isn’t if the military will take you w/ a history of depression, but whether they a would put you in a situation where you’d want to kill yourself.
I’d say if you’re in a hurry, retail while you live in a car until you can find a roommate situation. While you’re in your car, apply for homeless assistance, and you might land a private room in a shelter eventually, which is way cooler than the open barracks of emergency shelters.
Yeah… I had a friend in highschool who went down the path of not knowing what to do with himself, enlisting in the military, and ultimately ending his own life. I only found out years later so I’m not sure of the circumstances that lead him to it, or even if his time in the army contributed to his feelings. But it’s very sad, either way.
Yeah, I imagine a lot of lost people would turn to the military and I doubt it’s a good environment for people with mentla health issues, given how many people come out of it with PTSD.
I dont own a car
I have access to cars, but those are my parents, its not like they’re gonna let me have one, they need it for work and transporting tools and stuff, so I might be able to borrow them temporary at most.
But I dont have a drivers license
Why don’t you have a driver’s license? I suspect there are some bigger issues at play here.
Um… I never got one. 👀
Just the um “yeah I’mma get a drivers license some day”…
a few years later
…
Not that I want to be that guy, but you might want to look in that mirror and check out the laziness thing.
So what do I do. Ask my parents money for driving lessons. Lmfao, “just ask dad to teach you” then he never has time.
But I cannot get a learners permit because PA is so stupid and requires a medical exam for a fucking drivers license and the doctor never signed off on it. Because of the fucking depression. So I guess I could drive without a license, like who cares about laws really.
I mean maybe I just dont belong in this world honestly. So much shit going on.
hey there, i’ve been traveling for 15 years and taught for 7, teaching English abroad seems to fit what you’re looking for.
jobs are available today in dozens of countries, several of them have no requirement other than being a native English speaker, ~25 working hours per week, it’s very cheap to live abroad, so even if you’re making a thousand usd equivalent a month(starting without any degree, accreditation or experience), you can still begin saving money, and since you mentioned prestige, teachers are highly respected everywhere I’ve been.
especially if you have no idea what you want to do, but you need to move out, get your own place and start saving money immediately, there are over a billion esl students looking for a teacher. Every month you spend teaching is valuable work experience, you can get a lifetime TEFL(teaching english as a foreign language) accreditation in a couple of weeks with a self-directed pdf course that will raise your salary and negotiating power.
if you’re interested, feel free to ask questions here or in the travel community, i taught abroad for several years, retired and have been traveling ever since.
if you’re lucky enough to be a fluent english speaker, it’s a very low-barrier, high-reward job.
oh, and packing light is the way to go.
Before considering this option, OP, you should listen to accounts of people who have actually done it (good and bad). Some people have had absolute NIGHTMARE experiences, like getting trapped in their host country and unable to quit because their employer refuses to give back their passport or other documents. And while I’m no expert, I would say that any company willing to hire teachers with only a GED/HS diploma is worth raising an eyebrow at.
Some people have amazing experiences teaching abroad - I don’t want to make it sound all bad! It sounds like you had a great experience and I definitely don’t mean to knock that. But it’s worth noting there are a fair few sketchy players in the game, and it’s important that OP does heavy heavy research as the consequences of getting involved with one of these companies can be dire.
OP, you should listen to accounts of people who have actually done it
that’s me. i taught english abroad(for ~7 years) starting with zero experience or accreditation, ended up running two schools before retiring, hired and helped people move abroad, and I’m still traveling 15 years later.
the “sketchy players” in education are, in theory, the same concentration whether you’re a lawyer, flipping burgers, or teaching english, although because the demand is so much higher for english teachers than other professionals, the risk for an english teacher is lower.
Like I said, I don’t mean to deny your positive experience, nor suggest that someone can’t have a positive experience teaching abroad. I’ve heard a lot of genuinely good experiences. But the consequences of working for a bad employer abroad can truly mess up your life in a way that flipping burgers in Fresno or filing legal paperwork in St. Louis just can’t, no matter how terrible the employees are stateside. Burger King can’t hold your passport hostage.
I also think OP’s mental health status shouldn’t be discounted here. A lot of the negative experiences I’ve heard are related to loneliness and mental struggles working abroad, especially in countries where English-speaking mental healthcare is lacking or absent entirely. It’s one thing to be depressed, young, and isolated in your home country. It’s a whole different beast to be depressed, young, and isolated in a country where you don’t even speak the local language, and where the closest familiar face is several thousand miles away.
I feel the need to reiterate again that this isn’t everyone’s experience, just that working abroad is a huge commitment and needs to be considered from every angle. I’m glad you’re here to share a positive perspective!
I don’t mean to deny…
i get that.
my concern is that you’re implying dire and extreme dangers that are simply not valid concerns for english teachers.
burger king likely won’t hold your passport hostage, but they can hold your entire life hostage: at an entry level job, a young adult without formal education will usually be making far less than they would as an english teacher while working more hours without the choice, exit options, flexibility or benefits english teachers enjoy.
many young adults end up the way op is concerned about, homeless and without any fallback. this is a common occurrence that is not at all applicable to english teachers, who are highly in demand in most of the world and compensated very well.
I also think OP’s mental health status shouldn’t be discounted here…
traveling doesn’t cure depression for everyone, and op isn’t asking for a cure for depression.
they want to move out immediately and begin living independently with a ged. travel can undeniably help with cost of living, especially if they’re a fluent english speaker.
you’re couching extremely unlikely events within a conciliatory framework of dire backdoor warnings and existential “what ifs” but the risk of an english teacher having their passport stolen and the teacher being held hostage is basically unheard of.
if op attacks a government building in their home country, can their passport be taken away? Sure, the same way it could be taken away if they attack a government building in any country. It doesn’t seem relevant to op’s situation, but it technically could happen.
could op take up skydiving and mispack both parachutes? Possibly, but again it doesn’t seem very relevant.
from their specific situation, it sounds like op is more at risk by staying in their own country without any resources or support than by accessing opportunity abroad.
the concerns you’re bringing up are simply not applicable to english teachers in the way you are implying they are, you are not providing any evidence for your concerns, and it sounds like you’re leveling these allegations and existential warnings without having any direct experience traveling or teaching.
What op may have to deal with is choosing the wrong school. The solution is op going to a different school with some savings and work experience under their belt. There’s no penalty. You don’t surrender your passport when you sign up with a school. the english teacher is the most valuable resource in any esl school, they have an enormous amount of free agency.
if an english teacher decides they don’t like any country they visit, they’ll have savings to go back to their home country and try again with better footing.
Why do you need to move out? The lack of multigenerational homes is one of the reasons that Americans are so much in debt and have so little freedom despite having the largest economy in the world.
Save as much money as you can. If you can’t stay with your nuclear family, find somewhere else you can. Living on your own is a really bad idea at least until you are married and have saved up enough for a 20% down payment on a house AND at least six months of living expenses. Otherwise you are just going to live the rest of your life as a slave to debt.
I dont “need” to move out. I WANT to move out cuz I have a self esteem issue of feeling like a “leech” and I just wanna prove, and I mean prove to myself at least, that I could survive without my parent’s control.
There’s no immediate threat of getting kicked out but my mom literally combines the worse elements of both chinese culture of being controlling and american culture of “haha ur 18 bye” and saying shit like “you’re over 18, i have no legal responsibility for you anymore” while simultaneously being controlling.
So its just I feel like crying all the time cuz I’m just being accused of being lazy all the time.
Its like I want to tell a story of “I built my own life” instead of feeling like “unemployed lose that ‘live in mom’s basement’” (I don’t literally live in the basement but you get my point, its the stereotype thing)
I just made a post about how neurodivergence (ADHD, autism, in my case) are often missed by psychiatry/therapy, which is much more eager to treat things as depression or anxiety (or bipolar).
I would see if you can get evaluated for those things, which might help you apply for disability (which, sadly, takes time); at least have a look at the diagnosis and read people’s experiences and see if it fits. Treating depression can be life-long if an underlying issue goes unaddressed.
I know a Chinese guy and his parents are absolutely brutal about his mental disabilities. It’s total garbage and I totally understand why being exposed to that is making it hard to build any kind of peace with yourself.
sounds like plenty of reasons to stay until you can build up your wealth.
Yeah that American culture is the problem, not the least of which the reverence for veterans you mentioned. Fight that, and sloth, rather than your family.
What interests you? What fields could you see yourself working in long term? Have you considered learning a trade (electrical, plumbing, carpentry, construction, etc.)?
In the short term there’s nothing wrong with having a day job, just about anything to make some money. But it’s also good to have some kind of vision for what you want your life to be in the long term.
feeling like a “leech” […] prove to myself at least […] feel like crying all the time […] feeling like “unemployed lose that ‘live in mom’s basement’”
First, you need to separate your feelings from the objective fact that, right now at least, you are dependent on your parents.
On top of that, the economy sucks right now and it is difficult even for more qualified people to find sustainable, full-time jobs. You are not alone in being unemployed right now, and there are people of all levels of education, experience and all walks of life who are trying to figure out what they can do next. And as painful as it might be to hear this, you’re much better off being unemployed living “in mom’s basement”, than being one of the many people who are unemployed while the bills continue to come in.
You do have to put in work, and you have to be honest with yourself about whether you are putting in a reasonable amount of effort to improving your life and helping around the house. But at the same time, employment isn’t just a matter of effort and willpower, it’s also a matter of opportunity and economics.
As for your feelings, it sucks to feel bad about yourself, and it’s certainly not good to be in an environment where other people are constantly making you feel bad about yourself. What your parents might think is “tough love”, meant to motivate you to work harder to improve your life, could be seriously contributing to your negative feelings about yourself, making it even harder for you to look at things objectively. I’m not trying to defend your parents or invalidate how you feel, or anything like that–they’re making you feel bad about yourself and trying to control your life, and it probably is an unhealthy relationship that needs to change.
The best recommendation for you there is honestly therapy, and talking to a professional who can help you navigate how you feel about your situation.
@WongKaKui@piefed.ca you might want to take the advice of @mrmaplebar@fedia.io here. If you are an American citizen who isn’t in school and over 18 years old, you should qualify for Medicaid, or similar state program, which makes affording a therapist a lot easier than it is even for middle-class Americans.
What interests you? What fields could you see yourself working in long term? Have you considered learning a trade (electrical, plumbing, carpentry, construction, etc.)?
I want some computer related job. Well I dont have any coding knowledge tho, but like I can open a microsoft word and probably figure out how a spreadsheet works by googling it. I know how to google error codes. I know how to install linux and custom android roms, but idk how to use a terminal besides just basic “sudo apt-get” stuff, I mostly have to google everything.
Here’s the thing, most prospective employers aren’t looking for someone who can “probably figure out” how to do the task. They would much rather hire someone who can say with some confidence that they can do the task.
So, if you’re serious about pursuing a career in something like Systems Administration, Developer Operations, Programming, etc., you should start taking the steps to filling in your knowledge gaps.
Learn how to do spreadsheets, learn how to do more command line stuff and write/edit scripts.
Do you know how to configure things like SystemD? Do you know about things like Docker and Podman? Do you understand how networking works and how to configure FirewallD? Learn all of that stuff too!
If you’re serious about wanting to work with computers then I recommend you humble yourself around what you don’t know, take pride in what you do know, and put in the effort to fill the gaps by studying. There are lots of resources out there.
The same advice applies to someone who wants to be an artist, to someone who wants to be a doctor, etc. Acknowledge what you don’t know, and work to make sure that you do know it. That’s how you work towards longer term goals.
Food service or retail. Two fields that are always hiring.
@WongKaKui@piefed.ca and that can just be temporty, like perhaps even just weeks, while you keep looking for something better, like factory work. And if you live in a big city like Philly, especially this time a year, you might want to look at something like UPS. You don’t need a driver license to work in a shipping facility, and they are usually teamsters’ union members, though you might end up starting as a tempory contractor for the holidays and then be first in line for a union job come next year.
