In a recent discussion with a few level 1 autistics, the topic of masking in social situations came up and several of them expressed that they find it easier to make a good impression when they’re interacting with people whom they will never see again. Possibly because it is harder for allistics to detect the “oddness” from a single interaction, or perhaps some other reason.

I am interested in your thoughts, both about your own experiences and about the possible reasons for this phenomenon.

Personally, my social deficits and behaviour patterns are too pronounced for such a thing to apply to me. People notice my “oddness” right away, but after repeated interactions some come to enjoy interacting with me. I suspect that they do so in a capacity similar to how one might enjoy a character in a video game, rather than as a full person, but it’s better than being fully rejected, so I will take the small victory.

  • lilypad [she/her, it/its]@hexbear.netEnglish
    15·
    11 天前

    I find I do good with certain types of masking that I have heavily learned. Tech talk, Shoptalk, I can kinda do it. I can pass as allistic when I dont have to interact for very long, and when its in specific conversation topics. Second I try to actually genuinely engage with someone tho, like on an emotional level? Nah. I think people interact with me and go “nope”. Sometimes they engage. But I’m pretty withdrawn. They have to come to me. And thats a rarity. I dont want to reach out to people really, I can’t tell the difference between lots of different things so I just, idk, I dont play the game. If someone wants to be around me they can be around me. If not then we won’t be around each other.

    • UrsineApathy [any, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      3·
      10 天前

      This is where I exist for this question too. I can be very charismatic when I need/want to be (years of acting lessons count for something I guess), but if I’m feeling anxious or just emotionally tired already then I will do everything I can to claw myself out of single-serving interactions and that obviously comes through to the recipient. I used to be able to force it well enough, but I’ve been trying really hard not to mask these days. It’s just too tiring.

  • fakeman_pretendname@feddit.ukEnglish
    10·
    11 天前

    If you only meet them once, you get to use your well-rehearsed “I am a slightly-more-normal human” routine.

    It’s only after knowing someone for some time that I slowly reveal how odd I actually am.

    It seems that this is often at the same pace as they are doing the same thing - though I think I pretty much exclusively live, work and interact with other neurodiverse people these days.

  • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    7·
    10 天前

    Not me, my masking routine is fucking dogshit and chances of “success” in a social interaction are basically random for me. I’ve disastrously fumbled one-time interactions and once or twice done pretty well with repeat interactions. I think it depends on how bad the anxiety is weighing on me that day.

    ⓘ Remember to enable JPEG-XL support in your browser, even on your phone!

  • TraschcanOfIdeology [they/them, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    6·
    10 天前

    I work high-end retail now and I’ve worked high end waitstaff work, so I’ve been masking for so long that I learned to perform the “banter to make the guest feel welcome” without much thought.

    My coworkers think (rightly) that I’m a weirdo though, so I think your theory is right.

  • alexandra_kollontai [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    10 天前

    Yes, last year I was on a trip far from home and I was very extroverted compared to how I normally am. I talked to the JWs and street preachers and other randoms at the airport to see what they would say.

    One interaction that’ll stick with me was when I was waiting to board a flight I spotted a transgender looking woman who said she was fleeing the country to seek refuge in Australia. We swapped necklaces with each other.

  • infuziSporg [e/em/eir]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    10 天前

    Only if it’s a unique kind of circumstance. If it’s a boilerplate interaction I’m awful at it.

    Sometimes it’s the person next to you on the bus, or a random interaction on the street, where you can be a lot more forthcoming.