"When life hands you lemons, make lemonade? No. First you roll out a multi-media campaign to convince people lemons are incredibly scarce, which only works if you stockpile lemons, control the supply, then a media blitz. Lemon is the only way to say ‘I love you,’ the must-have accessory for engagements or anniversaries. Roses are out, lemons are in. Billboards that say she won’t have sex with you unless you got lemons. You cut De Beers in on it. Limited edition lemon bracelets, yellow diamonds called lemon drops. You get Apple to call their new operating system OS-Lemón. A little accent over the ‘o.’ You charge 40% more for organic lemons, 50% more for conflict-free lemons. You pack the Capitol with lemon lobbyists, you get a Kardashian to suck a lemon wedge in a leaked sex tape. Timotheé Chalamet wears lemon shoes at Cannes. Get a hashtag campaign. Something isn’t ‘cool’ or ‘tight” or ‘awesome,’ no, it’s ‘lemon.’ ‘Did you see that movie? Did you see that concert? It was effing lemon.’ Billie Eilish, ‘OMG, hashtag… lemon.’ You get Dr. Oz to recommend four lemons a day and a lemon suppository supplement to get rid of toxins ‘cause there’s nothing scarier than toxins. Then you patent the seeds. You write a line of genetic code that makes the lemons look just a little more like tits… and you get a gene patent for the tit-lemon DNA sequence, you cross-pollinate… you get those seeds circulating in the wild, and then you sue the farmer for copyright infringement when that genetic code shows up on their land. Sit back, rake in the millions, and then, when you’re done, and you’ve sold your lem-pire for a few billion dollars, then, and only then, you make some fucking lemonade.”
When life hands you lemons…
Don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! ‘I don’t want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?’
Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down
When life gives you lemons…
Make orange juice and leave life wondering how the fuck you pulled that off.
I miss these days of gaming so much
And, we all know how much cats love lemonade.
Khajiit has wares, if you have coin
Cat looks high as fuck
Surprised the cat is electing to stay that close to that much citrus.
This is the second time in an hour I’ve seen something about cats and citrus, which is very weird, since that doesn’t usually come up.
Citrus is poisonous to cats, fortunately they hate the smell and will actively avoid citrus. Which is why it’s so strange seeing a cat sitting next to a dozen lemons.
Maybe the cat is guarding them from some thieving whores… I know they’re not on a tree but you can’t be too careful.
If life gives you lemons, suck on them with some vodka
May as well go for a caipirinha
Yeah, but what happens when he learns how to make a combustible lemon?
“Hey, hasn’t it been about 10 seconds since I got stuck in the lemon tree?”
