I’ve felt rancor and bitterness towards most of my surroundings for all of recent memory and have now realized that it’s starting to affect my relationship (im growing impatient, ready to fly off the handle, a little defensive) and i feel like im in some way broken or “unfit” for a relationship. Very important to mention that i forgot to take my meds for an extended period and now they are virtuslly useless bbecause im a dimwit and am unable to properly remind myself of my fairly important emotional stability pills; This lack of pharmaceutical support (all a byproduct of my own actions) i think also plays a very big role in my current situation.
How do i not lash out or ruin my relationship with my partner because of my general unhappiness and, for lack of a better term, hate for and towards everyone else around me
I was in a very similar position that you’re in. I lost a lot of who I thought were close friends during that time, but to be honest I’m glad I parted ways with them as I feel I outgrew them politically / consciously.
My partner also had to deal with my bullshit on a regular basis, I’d read the news or see a beheaded child on my feed, and it would make me spiral for the rest of the day, picking fights, shouting, I will say that was probably the lowest point in my life.
I always felt I had to witness the atrocities, like I had to carry the weight of the martyrs, me being a witness meant their lives weren’t just a statistic.
After a year and a half of that I realized how broken I became, I was mad at everyone and everything all the time. My wonderful partner didn’t have to stay with me yet she did, which I’ll always be grateful for.
The best thing I did for myself was deleting social media / extremely limiting what I consumed. I still have these episodes, but I have gotten to the point I can realize what I am doing before I act on what I’m thinking.
my partner helped me with deleting all my socials (except for the ones strictly necessary for daily work/studies) and i cannot be more glad. I am definitely not in he right headspace to see the victims of the state and i have a turbulent history with s/h and suicidal ideation so it’s best that i dont see the worst that the modern world has to offer.
I used to feel that i “had to” see all the news because then “their lives would have been for naught” but i also have to protect myself from, well, myself.
Im glad you’re feeling better, my partner is also a saint and i have no idea how i managed to get such a wonderful human being to stay around me
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