You are well on the way. Using his proper name and pronouns and trusting him.

💜💜💜

Don’t out him to anybody that he hasn’t said is OK. It’s his story to tell and he gets to decide who is safe.

If you’re in a red state, it may be necessary to hide this from his doctor, school, busybody neighbors, which sucks.

I’m a dad of a 17 yo trans masc son.

It has been something like 5+ years now since he came out.

Some things I’ve dealt with, that may or may not be part of your and your family’s journey:

I felt loss for awhile. Like, I felt like I had somehow lost the child that I had, and though I’d gained a new son, it was still hard. I felt so guilty. I wanted to be supportive, I didn’t understand, but I wanted to be supportive and grieving didn’t feel like support. So I did my best to keep that to myself because as he became more himself he became more joyful.

Eventually I realized that I was suddenly seeing a kid I hadn’t seen in years, he had been very depressed even self harming at times, but with therapy, and gender affirming care it was like we got the kid we had lost back.

There will be people, especially online, who doubt your story, will openly call you a liar, or in some cases a child abuser.

Our home state, where most of our family lives, started aggressively pursuing legislation to criminalize us and the lengthy and thoughtful process we went through with our sons transition.

He dealt with violent threats from other students at school, to the point where kids threatend him on the school bus with baseball bats, even chasing him from the bus stop.

We moved across the country to try and find safety, even that is not guaranteed.

All that said, you will have moments of joy and moments of sadness in a world that is at best imperfect and at worst actively seeking to harm you and your loved ones.

Our jobs, as parents from my point of view, is to build our kids up and give them the tools and confidence to be successful when we’re not there for them anymore. The world will give them plenty of hate and tribulation, we should give them acceptance and love.

Do what you can to protect and accept your kid. Use their name and preferred pronouns. When others have been brought into that circle keep them accountable, don’t let them slip. You will see those acting in good faith and in bad, give grace where it’s deserved and be prepared to protect your child from people you may have thought you could trust with your life.

Beyond that, remember they’re still your kid lol, you’re still gonna deal with the same old teenager/parent relationship as usual. Honestly, besides the name change, the only real issues we have come from the outside.

You know all those changes kids go through during puberty, because of the hormones? The good news is we invented synthetic “hormone blockers” that can delay or temporarily halt puberty. If Jimmy takes those, puberty will immediately stop. And if he changes his mind and stops taking them, puberty will immediately resume right where it left off. That’s an option I want you to be aware of, in case Jimmy isn’t happy with nature’s puberty. When he’s 18, he might decide to take testosterone and have a male puberty.

That’s the good news for Jimmy. The good news for you is, you’re gonna see your child get so much happier over the next few years if you support him.

Hi!

Reading this thing might provide you with some pointers: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/

Hopefully parents and transmasc people can provide you with more specific pointers, but more generally I can tell you that peoples needs and goals can vary a lot, so this is one of those things were having an open mind and good communication is key.

It already sounds like you’re supporting your son. One of the first things I would recommend is sitting down and asking him if “he/him” is something he wants to go with and if he is your “son” or something else.

I would also look into HRT in whatever country you live in. It might not be something he wants, but if he does please be aware that many of us absolutely need HRT to make our lives worth living. It’s one of those things that varies from person to person. You don’t need to have this conversation right away, but many of us suffer from constant depression since the start of puberty, and HRT is how this depression is treated. In many places minors are only offered hormone blockers to start with, and then full on hormone replacement therapy is only available later. It depends on country and region. Full HRT is ideal, but we usually take what we can get.

The effects of HRT are covered in the link I shared earlier under androgenic puberty. You should probably sit down and go over the effects with your kid or ask if they know already. I was not aware that HRT was an option when I was 15 and my life would have been drastically better today had I known.

In some countries therapists might try to talk your son out of being trans or transitioning in some version of what is known as “conversion therapy”. This doesn’t work and is generally considered a form of torture and is being banned in more and more countries, please make sure this isn’t happening or won’t happen to your child. It won’t work and will just make him suppress himself and feel more shame and self-hatred.

If you live somewhere hostile to trans people or somewhere where our situation is rapidly getting worse then I recommend trying to move somewhere better if this is within your means. I know this isn’t always as simple as we would like it to be. If you live within the united states I would recommend leaving if you have the option, or at least look into moving to a progressive state. Trans people and our allies are increasingly worried that the US is gearing up towards genocide against us, which might sound very dramatic, but this unfortunately is reality. The government is continually not just taking away rights, protections, and treatment options for trans people, but is also putting in a lot of effort to dehumanize us.

I hope this is useful and not just something that makes you anxious :P It’s a lot. Be sure to take care of yourself as well. There are support groups out there for parents and partners of trans people, especially online. Regular therapy might be useful too if available to you.

I should probably reinforce that the most important thing you can do is be supportive and to talk to your son. He knows better than me and any expert what he needs and wants. Be careful when googling stuff, there’s lots of misinformation online so please make sure any link you look at is actually pro trans and not something aimed at the ignorant to fearmonger and mislead.

Here are some more good links:

• https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/
• https://trans-resources.info/
• https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/115zI3opsYcJAiygoiH0d0MIghMRz3WMcivXeDQ9wbkQ/htmlview (sources for packers and binders)
• https://www.equaldex.com/ (simple and unnuanced overview of queer rights across the world. you can look up a country for a more detailed breakdown)

Best of luck to you and your son!

Background: I’m not trans, but have trans siblings, friends, and spouse.

You’re off to a great start by using his correct pronouns. That validation probably means a lot to him. Beyond that, just keep treating him like your kid. Ultimately, he’s the same person, he’s just he now. It might be a little awkward while you get used to his new name and pronouns, but I’m sure he will understand that it’s hard to break 15 years of habit. Just keep open communication with him and ask him how you can support him.

Transitioning sometimes gets treated by parents as “a phase” or something that kids are doing to be trendy. Being trans puts a huge target on a person. Being trans in 2026 means being part of a group that is actively and publicly being discriminated against by the ruling party of the US. Coming out as trans is a huge risk, and I don’t know anyone who has taken it lightly.

Continue to ask yourself how you can support and advocate for your son. You’re going to do just fine.

A point that I want to raise is that sometimes people who are trans don’t necessarily want to present in a straightforwardly binary way.

To give an example of what I mean, I had a friend, who I met when she was presenting as a boy, in school. Whilst she liked hanging out with girls more, she was never much of a girly girl, in terms of her interests. For a couple years after she transitioned and began presenting as a woman (we were adults by this point), she spent a while dressing in a conventionally feminine way. She later said that this was probably in part due to how gatekeepy gender affirmation care services can be if you don’t present in a straightforward manner. But also she said she was (in hindsight) trying to jump through hoops to be what she thought a woman should be.

Eventually, as she became more comfortable, she leaned into a more tomboyish aesthetic that suited her, and picked up old hobbies that she had dropped due to feeling too masculine. Someone very unkindly once told her “I don’t see what the point of you transitioning was if you’re just going to go back to where you started”. This was a silly perspective, because her adopting a lightly more masculine presentation wasn’t a regression, but progress. It’s honestly analogous to how I, a cis woman, had a phase as a teenager where I hated all things pink and girly, but now have a more mature view, where I can engage in femininity in a more healthy manner. It’s growth.

This is all to say that your son may identify as masc, but give him space to explore what that means for him. There might be times where he enjoys more stereotypically feminine pursuits or aesthetics, but this doesn’t diminish his identity in any way. Terms that he prefers might change as he grows to understand himself better, but if you keep an open mind, you can be there with him for it.

Puberty is often a time of change, and puts more emotional pressure on teens to find and embrace personal identity. And due to hormones, it’s often a time to act before unwanted changes happen.

There are many ways to support, like practicing pronouns and new name, but having conversations about what he needs to feel safe and supported is probably the best way to navigate it together. I would focus on figuring out what his medical needs may be, like puberty blockers or HRT, and if updating legal name is gender is something he wants to do.

Just try to find a pace to move forward that works for all of you.

How can you support him? Use the names he has asked you to use. Ask what pronouns he prefers and use them. Remind him that you love him and want him to be happy.

Beyond that, ask him what he wants from you. The answer might be nothing, or he might want new clothes, or help with school, or medical intervention like puberty blockers. If he wants to go that route, it will depend on where you live, but he will need a mental health specialist that specializes in children, preferably LGBT children.

The first three things are the most important. Transition is individual, not a set path, and he will have thoughts. Try not to make assumptions about what he wants.

Besides acceptance, if I were a parent to a trans child I would be opinionated about them starting puberty blockers at the very least.

Reading threads on /r/cisparenttranskid, I notice a lot of trans youth are insistent they don’t want any medical transition steps (even puberty blockers), and then once they have been a few years into puberty, predictably the dysphoria hits bad and they suddenly have distress and realize they need medical transition.

It’s much, much better to avoid needing to medically transition after puberty, a lot of harm can be avoided by not going through the wrong puberty.

Puberty blockers are safe and reversible, and it’s the true “neutral” choice (compared to either letting them go through the wrong puberty naturally, or starting cross-sex hormones to start going through the other puberty).

This is aimed at reducing harm and is backed by the evidence.

Medical & social transition for minors is recommended by all major pediatric and medical associations.

Here’s a literature review of the studies done that found transitioning improves well-being: https://whatweknow.inequality.cornell.edu/topics/lgbt-equality/what-does-the-scholarly-research-say-about-the-well-being-of-transgender-people/

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