For me, I made a commitment when we started our family, and I do very much love my wife.

She says she’s willing to do counseling, couples and/or solo, but we just haven’t made the effort in getting in done. I think she’d be okay with just never having sex again in her life, but isn’t quite at the point of saying we never will.

If I were a younger person, I don’t think I could do it. As it’s, it often is hard (pun not intended) but most of the times it’s not so bad. I’m also not someone with a huge libido in the first place.

Something has to change, but it’s important to me that she comes to it on her terms, and it’s not me dictating something she has to do.

Yeah, getting laid is not yet worth throwing out my living situation, and there’s other ways to vent that pressure for the moment.

Not a dead bedroom as such. But my life partner has said that they COULD go the rest of there life without sex. Maybe they’re on the Ace spectrum?

I however have only gotten hornier as I’ve gotten older.

But well over 10 years in… I am unwilling to lose my best friend.

But I guess jerkin it raw isn’t quite the same… I crave to be desired.

I left a dead bedroom relationship when I was in my early 20s.

Then I realised how hard dating is.

While I don’t suffer a dead bedroom currently I can offer some perspective on what might keep someone in it:

Just because you’ll sit alone infront of a computer screen and wank does not mean you have to eat dinner alone too.

Love a woman with a high libido.

Like other posters have mentioned, it generally isn’t something that starts out like that and when you’ve been in a relationship for a very long time there are a lot of other factors to consider other than just sex, like kids, living situations/money, social status, other forms of intimacy, etc…

We don’t have a dead bedroom, but I do have a partner that’s asexual and it’s not easy. When we started dating things weren’t nearly as bad as they are now, but things have changed as she’s gotten older, processed some childhood sexual abuse, and been on medication that fucks with her libido. We have sex, but she would be perfectly fine never having it which makes things tough.

I suppose it comes down to one’s definition of a dead bedroom, as intimacy and connection don’t necessarily equal sex. A lack of frequent orgasms is different from a lack of intimacy, and fairly normal as people and their relationships grow older.

But a lack of intimacy, of physical contact and closeness, or kisses and cuddles, etc. That could be a real issue.

I stayed too long, because I felt bad for my ex and ended up doing things that I never would have considered, and haven’t since. Really fell apart.

But yes, I was trying to hold the family together, because it didn’t seem like a permanent change, so five years with nothing.

Then a dramatic blowout of the relationship.

I decided sex wasn’t something I was willing to compromise on (ex was only ever a once a week guy, so it was a compromise to begin with, and was not comfortable with me wanting more than he did, it’s unladylike, needy, unattractive)

And husband now, we have sex every day and if I want it more he is happy about it. That’s a better fit, and it makes a big difference.

My wife had a very difficult childhood. She was raped by a cousin at 11. Her father was physically and emotionally abusive and her mother was drunk and abusive. She ran away and lived on the street and did what she had to do to survive. I knew all of that going in. We had a varied and very active sex life and had two great kids. We had a couple of threesomes with other women that were great for everyone involved. Her past caught up with her about 10 years ago and became sexual. I suggested counseling but she doesn’t care about sex so she isn’t interested. We talked about it a lot and she finally said, “I am asexual but I believe that I have made it very clear that I don’t expect you to be.” I asked if she wanted me to be open about it with her and she said, “No. I don’t want to know and I don’t want it to get back to me.” We live in a small town and she doesn’t want people talking.

The rest of the house