My mom has a type of cancer now, and I keep thinking of how different things could’ve been if my parents were still together. I’ve always felt like a bad person and I’m constantly trying to redeem myself. hell I can’t even say no to people even if I disagree or don’t want something and am constantly apologising.
You didn’t cause it. I know it’s hard to internalize, but I think it’s important. Go into the bathroom. Look yourself in the eye, and tell yourself that you didn’t cause it. It’s not something you need to feel guilty for.
Then find counseling.