It doesn’t fucking matter what I do I’m playing some game with some old friends online and ten minutes later as I’m laying in bed I just feel more empty and lonely than I ever knew was even possible. I’m sorry for just making these posts and never replying to any of the messages. I don’t want online friends I want real friends. I want to smell people, hug people, kiss people, hear them breath, I want to feel someone next to me, I want to be touched in all the places I’ve never been touched before, I want to be tender to someone else I want to cry with someone else. I want to fall asleep next to someone, I want to wake up next to someone I want to feel their warmth but in the thirty years that I have lived so far that hasn’t happened and I just dont see how it will ever happen but I don’t want anything else out of life there’s no point to any of the rest of it if i can’t share it fully with other people. If this is what my life is going to be like I don’t want it
I don’t know what to say, really, because there’s little information about your life in your post. Maybe that’s a part of the issue of being lonely. I went 20 years like that, 21 maybe but I remember that exact feeling. Don’t know if you are physically isolated, but I was socially isolated, absolutely. Small city and a weirdo, so I left to a big city and found myself still alone. I know 10 more years like that would have been rough.
Online people is still real people and you can get to know them. I could connect my heart with someone online, we met, and it was the beginning of a change inside of me. It wasn’t a success story, I hurt her feelings, because of the same frustration of not being able to be physically there. In the end, she changed everything forever, more time would pass to get to something “more real” that wouldn’t feel like before, like grasping for air. Allow yourself all human interactions, a kind smile, a kind look has never hurt anybody.