I’ve told myself and others that I don’t get bored easily. I can daydream through some experiences or I’ll distract myself with games, books, etc.

But I’m finding out that I’ve always had my hands full with an activity, doing more than one at once. Like playing animal crossing with a movie playing, and eating lunch. Of course, I end up missing conversations in whatever media I’m consuming.

It’s like I’m so good at distracting myself that I need something to catch my focus. If it’s boring or predictable, I don’t have to pay attention. I’ve had friends point out that I do things the hard way a lot.

I don’t want this feeling to be boredom because that feels like a moral failing. It’s thinking of people I care about and not being able to muster up enough compassion to give them my undivided attention. I can’t sit through a phone call and I wish I could.

I hate that it comes off as me being an edgelord sometimes. But it’s just me not reacting strongly.

Writing this, I realize how much of this is an attention disorder or something dissociative. I’ve carried these confused feelings about how I perceive myself and I’m only now starting to dismantle the shame.

And I’m probably going to look into helping my focus.

  • rando895@lemmygrad.mlEnglish
    2·
    5 months ago

    Sometimes when speaking to those I care the most about, my brain turns to fire as I stop myself from finishing their sentences. Sometimes conversations are so boring I have to do something, so I might fidget, rub my finger nails (instead of biting them, nail polish made this much better), or only make intermittent eye contact.

    I have different types of music depending on the task I’m trying to complete, some tasks/activities I’ll have a podcast on for. And sometimes I try and give myself time to be “bored” (really its being alone with my thoughts and not relying on external stimulation).

    I have adhd. We all find ways to manage our symptoms when they are negatively affecting us and our relationships, and talking about it can help. So it might be worth getting assessed if thats possible for you. Regardless of the results, they should help you figure out how to manage things better.

    I think spending a lot of time on algorithm driven social media can also influence you to the point that you might exhibit some adhd tendencies as well.

    Bonus: issues with focusing is a key component to ADHD. If you’re looking for strategies with organizing, time management, etc., you can use ADHD strategies even if you don’t have it.