I am currently in a social event and I am too exhausted to have conversations, so I figured I just pretend I’m busy texting by writing this post. I have to stay here for at least two more hours and I have two more (social) things to do tomorrow… one of them I’ll probably cancel because it is just too much but I did not think of an excuse yet… I feel dishonest and I really hate it, but I also didn’t have really good experiences coming out as autistic… it has never felt accomodating and often pretty invalidating. My depression has been hitting harder than usual, which is extra hard because I have to pretend I am okay just to avoid interactions I can’t handle right now. So anywhere I’m not even trying to make a point here I just need something to keep be busy and not make me look weird. Anyways, wish me luck idk, I’m really not enjoying life a lot rn :I
Edit: thanks a lot everyone! I read the replies several times, it has been reassuring and as a plus it kept me busy yesterday. :)
I feel dishonest and I really hate it,
Would you feel dishonest if you had to cancel plans because of not feeling well? feeling well isnt just physical health but also mental health. if you are too exhausted to have conversations, you probably need some rest from social situations. Would you go to this social thing if you had a headache?
Dont take my words as the thing that will 100% work for you, im writing this based on what works for me and each person has diffrent needs.
I wish you to feel better soon OP
Sometimes its best to simply say “Sorry I can’t make it” and offer no reason or excuse. If someone asks why you can say its for a personal reason which is not a lie.
I’ve done this countless times already… it sucks the most when I cancel things I genuinely like but I can’t plan my social battery very well so I end up being really unreliable
I am not autistic (I don’t think, anyway), but have a host of other issues. I have the same reaction as you to social situations, and the suck of having to cancel things I enjoy because I just can’t do more social at the moment. And the guilt of being unreliable because of it all. It took me a very long time to get up the nerve to do this, but if the above involves people I know well -in my case, usually coworkers - I am just super blunt and up front with them. "I am not feeling great / I’m not up to this, I’m sorry I won’t be joining you / I’m going to head home now ". etc. I’ve done it long enough now that they are used to it, and they can see that when I am up to it, I do whatever it is I need to do. I just got sick of finding excuses when I was pretty sure they all knew it was bullshit anyway. It’s had some positive results for me, too, in that they stopped asking me to do some things because they knew I was probably going to be burned out by then and nope right out of it later.
I understand though I am not a person with autism just introverted.
My go to, “Stomach Problems”. It’s slightly embarrassing, but ain’t no one gonna ask a follow-up question. Bonus believability if you order some sushi or otherwise dodgy food.
Another good one is migraines. Migraines are untimely if they want to be, and no one is going to go and scan your brain to look for them, so it’s perfectly plausible. They can also feel fairly similar to social burnout, so in the scale of lies it’s an incredibly mild one.
best thing to do is always avoid social events. avoid all contact. playing mmos is best. also convert house into fortress with remote cams and weapons systems.
I know im a bit late to the party… sorry bad joke, but i hope your feeling better. Being at social gatherigs is taxing as fuck and that with depression is not a good combo. Take care of yourself!
I just got an urgent call from the puppy you’re dog sitting. They need to go for a walk and they say you left the oven on or the fridge door open or something. Well, shucks, I guess you’ll have to head home now.
haha thanks! I agreed to help out with a few things in a local cultural event and I’d feel really rude to leave now… But exit strategies are kind of a science in itself. it usually has to be something urgent enough that you can’t say good bye to everyone, yet not urgent enough for people to ask follow up question. Tonight it’ll certainly be the “oh uber is coming I gotta hurry!”
I am done going to private social gatherings that I don’t enjoy. They are usually optional and if not I find a good reason why I can’t go. I don’t even need to lie. Usually I just say that I’m under the weather and don’t feel up to meeting a lot of people. Which is all true. Since I occasionally suffer from migraines, most people will assume that as a reason but that’s not my problem. Work meetings are usually dispassionate enough that I can endure them if they are not back to back.
Good luck! 💪
thanks!
Hang in there Lemming. :( Hoping things slow down or stop early for you, that is hell
say sorry i cant make it. done. why are you guys always needing bs excuses. maybe i just dont get that as a german.
well if I want to maintain the few people around me that I have I kinda have to try not letting them down too much. I hate excuses too and that’s why I just pull through a lot of these situations.
I personally only go to social gatherings to show support to the organiser, if they’re someone I consider close - otherwise it’s optional attendance from my perspective
I’m not a very interesting individual outside of a few niche topics, and trying to socialise with people is really draining, especially if there’s no common thing to discuss. I stay away from most mainstream things that I don’t care about, so a lot of (for lack of a better term) “normie” media & topics are out the window.
After running out of energy, being constantly asked “are you fine” by various concerned guests can get a bit bothersome… although the gesture is much appreciated I just want some space to myself.
Having been there myself, I feel this very deeply. At least this event will pass soon enough.
