I finally filed for divorce from my abusive wife recently. I believe she might be a clinical psychopath at this point. She picked a fight with me on my 40th birthday the other day and this ruined the time I had with my daughter. She did things like this constantly.
I just feel like she has finally completely broken me as a person…I now am unsure if I can get better. I will stay alive for my daughter’s sake, but some days I really don’t want to be.
I have no real resources. I have no money. Most therapists I’ve seen have been terrible. Most people I talk to don’t seem to believe me that I’ve been abused. I just cannot take this anymore.
I finally got on a couple dating apps to see if that made me feel better and it had totally the opposite. It set off a very bad downward spiral.
I feel like I have a lot to offer. I’m funny, kind, smart, a talented musician/artist, I think I’m handdome even (can’t post a pic obviously), but no one seems to care. It’s like when I put my confidence to practice I get rejected and reminded why I shouldn’t have any.
I don’t know if I’ll ever get better.
I spent so much of my life looking for love externally. Now, on my own, treating myself well I am having the time of my life. I now live in my car. I have lived in a tent, a teardrop trailer that was really just a bed in a box, a few years on a sailboat in the Gulf of Mexico, a giant Motoryacht, a truck camper and now a Chevy Astro. I am alone but not nearly as lonely as I have been in relationships. Life seems to be much longer now. I could go on. Treat yourself the way you deserve to be treated!
I feel this. I was alone in my entire relationship. Being alone while you’re chained to someone is a terrible feeling.
I think we need to differentiate between being alone and being lonely. I, and many others, love being alone.
I do too. Toward the end I even hated being on the same level of the house as my ex wife.