Definition
Borrowing from the sidebar to set the stage: going without orgasm for an extended period of time is believed to increase psychological tension, sexual arousal, and genital sensitivity, perhaps in addition to submissiveness and intimacy, especially within the context of a relationship. However, people respond differently to orgasm denial, and it is an under-researched subject. (Sources: Wikipedia, FetLife)
Scientific studies
To my current knowledge, there aren’t any psychological studies of adults who used to have orgasms and then decided to stop (directly or with a Dominant/ partner). There probably are psychological studies on religious people (eg, monks) who, in theory, never orgasmed once, ditto for people who’ve lost the ability to orgasm secondary to surgery, medication, or disease, but I haven’t read them. These groups’ experience may have some relevance, but they type of orgasm denial I’m most interested in is 1) being denied something that was once enjoyed and 2) some choice or decision to pursue this lifestyle.
Anecdotal evidence
We can look at few established groups who practice orgasm denial, if only indirectly.
- It is not uncommon for sissies to dread (full) orgasms due to ‘post-nut clarity,’ which is sudden disgust to the erotic materials that turned them on pre-climax. Similarly, submissives may experience ‘sub drop’. If/when these groups practice orgasm denial, it is probably to bring out feminine and/or submissive traits
- No-fap and semen retention fit the definition of orgasm denial very well. Unlike the other contexts where denial promotes submission, they are intended to make male participants more dominant and assertive
- There is a pretty active reddit community called r/femaleorgasmdenial. The female aspect is notable as otherwise I think of this kink as being more male-based. A lot of it is edging, but it seems consistent in purpose with the sissy/sub context in being about hyper-sexuality and submissiveness.
I read someone opine online that going without orgasms is like going without food - your appetite for everything increases. I don’t believe that. In the groups I mentioned and my own experience (I’m sissy/sub), orgasm denial seems to increase appetites for some things (eg, attraction to a specific sex) more so than others.
Questions
- If orgasm denial makes people more attracted to certain erotic stimuli, which erotic stimuli become more attractive and why? Does it simply create more general sexual drive that can be used either to ask a pretty girl out on a date (no-fap) or explore repressed side of one’s sexuality (sissy)? If ‘general sexual drive theory’ is true, can one choose to redirect their drive to different things (eg, asking out the pretty girl one day, crossdressing the other)?
- Can the non-sexual, general psychological tension be a positive or neutral thing rather than a negative (eg, a ‘general non-sexual drive’ theory)?
- When do the effects of orgasm denial start and peak (in days since last orgasm)? Does this vary according to baseline orgasm frequency?
- What determines why people respond differently to orgasm denial (eg, positively or negatively)?
- It seems obvious that submissiveness and intimacy from orgasm denial done in the context of a relationship is transferred to the partner. But what about people who self-practice orgasm denial? To whom do they express these things?
Contributions welcome :)
Please post questions or comments of your own! Share your own experiences in the Asklemmynsfw post.
I’ll be saying things partly by intuition and partly by my own limited research and experiences, so keep that in mind.
This feeling does have a physical cause which is short lived, but it might be similar to pain tolerance in the sense that depending on how a person is mentally prepared, it might not bother them. Plenty of people don’t seem to be affected by that, as they’re able to continue sexual activities right after orgasm. It seems to be mostly mindset.
I don’t think it is. I think it’s just the typical problem of females preferring not to share online, otherwise they get bombarded by creeps. There’s also the subreddit r/EdgingTalk which is mostly females. Sure, some probably are bots and many probably trying to sell OnlyFans or something, but I’ve met enough people that I’m sure with most sexual activities, genders are closer to each other than they think.
I also don’t believe it. Food is needed for survival of an individual, sex isn’t, so comparing them is not a good approach I feel like. It’s similar to how people try to use water as an analogy to electricity, but the analogy pretty quickly breaks down, because they’re not the same.
I think it’s hard to summarize what it does to different people. Also there’s intent involved sometimes as you mentioned, which totally changes the experience. A good approach might be to look into the psychology more than the pure physical effects.
This is probably influenced by exposure to sexual content, amount of sexual thoughts in general in a person and again the intent of the person. Some people might feel the effects very early just because they were stimulating themselves either physically or psychologically very intensely from the start.
Some really interesting points, thank you !! I found your ideas about how key intention is to the effects of orgasm denial especially interesting.
Orgasm denial probably simply increases general horniness. Depending on what one believes and wants, they can use that to be more dominant or submissive, and to focus on whatever sexual stimuli they like - provided there is some true attraction to that stuff.
Choices are usually made to maintain orgasm denial, and if someone’s choosing to maintain it, they’re probably experiencing the general horniness as well as whatever D/s, M/F (etc) characteristics they also believed they would get out of it. To continue it probably means to believe in it
In one way it is a bit male based because we can only come once (ok sometimes I can twice but the second time is never nearly as spectacular)
Women don’t have that in my experience and from talking to them so they have much less incentive to edge for the reason of enhancing their orgasm because the next ones are often better not worse. That’s how i understand it anyway.
I wish I could be a girl for a while so I’d understand how it feels :) And also what feels good. It’s hard to give oral just right without ever having had a vagina because I don’t know how it feels.
There’s a difference between edging to have an intense orgasm later and to tease yourself without release long term in order to create an overall needy feeling. Everybody can experience this buildup, it’s not related to gender in any way. I personally never do denial for intense orgasms, I don’t care about orgasms much to be honest, they’re a cool experience, but it’s one among many many cool things you can experience sexually.
It sounds like you need a partner who gives you proper feedback. It’s hard only when there’s no proper communication.
You can be bad at blowjobs even if you know how it feels to have a penis.
Maybe you should explore this a bit more. You can try it as a kink or just in general, depending on how you feel.
Agreed, sex for me is much more about the journey than the destination. If anything an orgasm is something I try to avoid because it ends it. But the journey there also becomes a lot better when waiting. And edging is all about riding the edge of orgasm and that becomes a lot nicer too. I usually edge several times without cumming, several days in a row, but eventually it’s like my body starts to trick me, it suddenly ramps up so fast I can’t stop anymore. Also, like I said before it starts hurting if I go too long without cumming, even if I don’t edge or even get excited.
But I have very much “responsive desire” so my sexual feelings are kinda ‘on hold’ until I start something (or especially when someone expresses explicit interest). So I’m not going around feeling needy all the time, it doesn’t work for me like that even after 3 weeks. I wish I wasn’t like that. Responsive desire is shit.
Yes at the moment I don’t have a fixed partner and you need that feeling of knowing each other well for that. And my last long-term partner was very conservative sexually. Now I’m more in the poly community which is very open about stuff but random encounters don’t tend to last long enough to really explore. And I don’t have real poly partners yet.
For me I really love when they squirt in my mouth also but many girls (even poly/open) are a bit embarrassed about that.
Really? I do feel like I know a lot better what I’m doing when I give those. And I do get compliments (though I get those too with oral to women, especially because I don’t stop until she asks me to and I do exactly what she says).
Oh yeah I do. I’m kinda nonbinary (not quite enough to declare myself as such but sure I have some parts of it). I often explore that, I wear latex skirts and animal ears. But what I meant more is that I wish I had female genitals for a while :) I wouldn’t be able to stop playing with myself :D
I completely understand that, I also have a bit of experience with poly and it’s been the same for me. Despite this, I’m definitely more in favor of this type of relationship, it feels so much healthier if done well.
Yep that explains it.
Sounds hot and seems like you need a watersports kind of girl. 😅
Believe me, yes. You might just have a general feel for it, but some people with penises don’t and that’s fine, I’m not saying it in a judgemental way, it’s just an observation. It’s the same with kissing, we all have lips and tongues, we know how they feel, but sometimes it takes practice to get good at it and some people have a natural feel for it for whatever reason.
Hehe cute! 🩷 I’m really glad you’ve started your journey! I hope you get to explore as much as you want, you deserve it!
Yeahhhh I’d love that. It’s not really a first-date topic to bring up though 😂
Understood, And yeah I don’t really know if I’m really good. It could be that they’re just saying it.
Thanks for your nice comments!! 🥰
I’m sure you’re a great cocksucker, 'Cat, for real ;). What kind of animal ears?
I’m not sure, I have only done a few. I’ve done it to a lot more girls but I just feel like I have less of an idea what I’m doing there 😅 Just because I don’t really understand how it feels and what areas are sensitive. Though I know that can vary by person.
And ears, I’ve done several, like several species of cat, bear etc.