Yes, this is a Boob Appreciation Post (BAP for short 😆), sue me, I like my boobs even though I’m probably only an AA cup.
Went for a walk wearing a sweater. Me being me, made it indecent and didn’t wear anything underneath, which obviously made my nipples stick out, a lot. Bf fell asleep, so I had no sex so I was horny and wearing just my sweater gave me better access, letting me rub my nipples any time.
Don’t sue me, okay? I was super horny and it just feels so freaking good 😭
(God, my body suuuuucks tho)
God, I’m so flat 😭
I told my grandma I was gonna need a bra soon…her response was:
I would give you one, but I don’t think I have a bra that small" 🙃
Gee, thanks grandma! I’m not insecure about being flat-chested at all, don’t worry 😭
Well…no matter what, small boobs are worlds ahead of no boobs at all, for me at least. The sensations of touching them, playing with them, just having them, seeing them bounce in the mirror when I walk, really seeing them bounce when I ride my bf, him sucking on them…OMFG
I love having boobs. It’s a dream come true ❤️
Also, I’ve just kinda…tried my best to stop being insecure about my shoulders. I mean, I’m still secretly hoping they’ll shrink a bit, because of muscle loss…if I’m not lying, I don’t think the “bony part” is as broad as the entire soft part of my shoulders? Idk, I’m just trying to justify having massively broad shoulders I guess…oh well. SRS and FFS for me and I think I’ll be good 🙂
No, don’t worry about me ❤️
CW: dysphoria, depression, suicide, internalized transphobia
I either need to wake up and get myself out of this dark, dysphoric pit or I need to find the strength and finally end it all.
Looking in the mirror hurts. Being alive hurts. Going into public, seeing all the straight cis couple, being so unbelievably envious and crying my eyes out hurts. I’m so fucking envious of them, going on about their lives, doing normal couple stuff, starting families, unbothered by anything…
And I’m just an ugly, hideous monster who pretends that one day, it can be a woman. I’m a joke, I’m an insult to womanhood. Even if I managed to get FFS and body contouring and rib removal and whatever surgery that I can’t afford anyway, I’ll never get better. Because I was born this fucking way and I just can’t change that. In society’s eyes, I’ll never be anything but a monster.
I didn’t want this. I wanted to be a normal, boring everyday cis-girl, living the cis-girl life, doing cis-girl stuff. Finding a partner and starting my own family. That’s not happening and I continue to steal oxygen from everyone else on this planet.
HRT doesn’t seem to be doing shit for me, my body looks exactly the same as it did, my stomach got even fatter, my face looks as masculine as always, the only difference is that I have tiny boobs, which aren’t even visible in everyday life, so nobody even considers the fact that I might be anything else than a fucking cis man.
I’m so fucking tired of being trans, I should just walk up to the tallest building and just throw myself off of it, once and for all. I’m a freak of nature, I’m not even a human, I’m just a fucking monster and that’s what I will always be. I can’t change that.
I should’ve killed myself at 16, I had a whole nitrogen cylinder, it would’ve been painless, just like falling asleep, but no, I gotta make it extra complicated and now dying will be infinitely more painful. I hate myself, can’t even kill myself right…
Fuck my life. Fuck being trans. Fuck this world
Believe it or not, you are a pretty creature with a lovely heart. It is such a pleasure to see and read from you.
Monsters are the people pretending we are sick and freak minded, you are nothing alike them.
It makes me so effin’ sad to read all of this, especially since I have been recently feeling most of what you described. I wish I was born cis-girl, somehow I was denied the right to be pregnant, to be seen and heard for who I feel I was meant to be. I spent so much time in denial. I feel you here …
I don’t know what to say about HRT, I am planning on starting some time soon … I may just be another trans girl trying to be kind to a sister, but … you are a beautiful and I mean it.
You will never be alone 🩷
Hug incoming, sweetie. I know how you feel because I’m going through most of that right now too. My problem is I’m probably more than twice your age, so making any progress towards transitioning is terrifying to me.
You’re beautiful as you are. You’re always the best version of yourself right now. Live in the moment, not angry at the past you who didn’t know what you know now, not frustrated looking at the future you who doesn’t resemble what you see in the mirror today.
This is one hell of a a journey. It takes one step at a time and years of dedication. Please be gentle with yourself. You’re the only you there is, and it would be a great loss if we lost you.
Chin up, buttercup. I’m looking forward to seeing your progress in 10 years, ok?