My Reddit account was 19 years old before I was permabanned by their stupid AI for liking Luigi pics and saying I wish Trump wouldn’t wake up in response to a pic of him napping 😔

What an interesting carpet pattern. I almost thought they were on a beach.

Upping the slave labor numbers.

nah it’s just me sucking the life force out of people who groan at dumb jokes

right in the exhaust pipe 😩

fuck cars

As the saying goes, “the wheels of justice turn slow— when moving forward. they go much faster in reverse.”

Sadly the older I get the less interested I am in reflex-heavy action titles.

I know Control had some welcome accessibility options including 100% aim assistance and 1 shot kills (that didn’t affect achievements!), but uhhh, at that point I’m just like what am I doing here?

I want a multiplayer game with roles for slow farts or non-sweaty people. Phasmophobia’s onto something with having someone sit in a van. Division almost had it with that tablet role they pulled before the game was released, where someone could just be on a tablet and buff/debuff people.

I’d love to see a 5 player spaceship game like No Man’s Sky where a ship can have someone just watching engines or shields and doing their station with no stress about much else.

…this comment digressed, but uhhh, all’s that to say this game looks good for people into it, but sadly not for me.

I remember hearing a dunk on vegans a while back that went “how do you know someone’s vegan? they’ll tell you.”

but in my experience it’s more like “how do you know someone hates vegans? they’ll tell you.”

I’m willing to forgive them, but take my forgiveness with the grain of salt that is my clown fetish.

FUKKIN GOTTEMMMMMMM DAB. ON. IT.

LET’S SLOP IT UP! 💦💻

Given my lack of self control with sugar and sodium, I’d probably OD on propofol if I had unchecked access to it. I can sleep for eight hours without any noisy neighbor or birds waking me up? What’s the catch?? Except the OD part of course.

Yeah I should’ve hyphenated cream-filled to maybe break up that consistent gap.

I would literally doodle these on a notepad, take a photo with my phone, jack up the contrast, then put the text in using my handwriting as a font; all in ~10 minutes with barely any QA. I’ve been meaning to remake/re-draw them, but I know myself and the more work I put into it the less I’d enjoy it.

“no sloppy Windows, guys— I mean it.”
“LET’S SLOP IT UP!”

My retirement plan likely involves explosives and a penthouse or penthouse-equivalent that may or may not be occupied by the richest, douchiest person I can successfully stalk.

My inevitable colon cancer diagnosis is the go signal.

/s tag for when this comment comes up as “exhibit a”

unbelievable

…that the cops would show up that fast

😮

(she asked me to marry her otherwise yeah I’d never know for sure for sure, y’know y’know?)

When I was in high school, a girl called me at home and this embarrassing conversation happened:

Her: So, this girl I know likes this guy I know, but he doesn’t seem to get any of her hints. What should she do to tell him she likes him?

Me: uh, I dunno, just tell him she likes him?

Her: …like, “I like you?” Just like that?

Me: yeah

Her: I like you.

Me: yeah, you got it, just tell her to tell him that and she’ll be all set.

Her: …

Me: …was there anything else?

——
The first girlfriend I had (not her) pulled me aside angrily in the hallway between classes and said something like “listen, I’ve been hitting on you for two weeks now and everyone else thinks we get along like gangbusters, I’m going insane; do you wanna go out with me or not?”
——
Anyways, I learned a few years ago I’m on the spectrum and it really helped give a lot of context for me and my dumbass.

If it weren’t for pre-shitty OKCupid I’d probably not be married rn

I hate this place.