She was definitely into you.

I asked her and she said this was not a date. From then on she didn’t find the time to meet longer than a lunch break anymore. Except one time when we were going to party in a group and she brought her date.

The way you describe flirting works for me too.

• sometimes it does not work: she is not interested. It is good to know this earlier than later.
• sometimes it works, we flirt, but she says no to a meet, says she has a boyfriend, etc. She was only in for a flirt but not more. If i get her number, it often leads to ghosting. Even when you were about to meet in her city. 😕
• sometimes she wants to meet but we don’t vibe / find out we are not meant to be. Thats cool. Some things you only know after a clear talk.
• sometimes it all just works on its own. Flirt, date, all in a nice flow. We continue and see how far we can get it.

The first three can easily take up an entire year, consuming the time and energy i have. And the 4th one does not lead into a relationship often.

So i find myself back at the beginning, wondering.

this is the way. They get nice stuff done without shoving AI in. Eat shit microslop!

I know I have a lot of growth yet to achieve.

i hope you are not under pressure to be something you don’t want to be? But it sounds good that you both can work on it. There are still so many ‘dead’ couples out there.

Thank you! Yes i agree most of my chances came from friends of friends, random parties, non-related events, spontaneously spotting someone in the crowd, etc.

You say the right words here: ‘someone i can truly vibe with’. It is hard to decribe otherwise, but that is the biggest requirement. The last couple of times i didn’t say no from the first date, but met 3-4 times to be sure.

yes, lonely in the love-sense. Platonic i am all good. I have so many friends of all the levels from besties to vague friends. Can’t even count them. Some know i am looking and even hooked me up. Few know that i feel lonely. But they are no wizards either.

basic interest in me as a person

I often get a contact that does not seem interested enough and give up after a bit. Don’t want to feel like i was crossing some boundary, if i keep hitting on her without a proper response. I need some kind of ‘yes, give me more’.

I was told a couple times that i should have just gone for it, some girls liked that. But how am i supposed to know when it is ok or not? I had multiple times stuff like “well we could have gone out but you didn’t keep trying”, “why didn’t you just kiss me?”, “next time, don’t ask, just do it.” Yeah nice, but hell if i don’t know that in advance… No chance, without some signal. Just feels wrong.

I even had a girl wondering why we didn’t date at all, after saying no to a date 3 times. I suggested she should ask me then and she said the man has to. 😐 well congratulations 😂

Thanks. Btw i didn’t say they are not worth it. I mean what am i supposed to do if i am not interested? Also over the years i have learnt to avoid some things. There are relationship coaches here that advised it can easily cost you 2 years to enter a relationship that was based on hormones and not on a clear sober view on what you really want in a relationship.

Sure, i could have elaborated more about the relationship part: it works well for me if we can talk about anything. Feelings, problems. Everything that matters is ok to say. I want some degree of tolerance about smaller things, because no one is the same and we can learn to live with eachother. If you find someone like that and love them so much, it is the best. We can find interest in eachothers lives and grow to be a huge part of it grow trust with eachother, enjoy oneanother, go on adventures together. Just what love is all about.

Its not my goal to have kids. The wish might come over time when everything is right. But if the purpose for the relationship is to plan for kids and a house and so on, i am very careful. I know that this is a tight topic in the mid 30s, so its worth bringing it up. One girl literally said i am the best candidate for her goal to have kids because i check all her boxes (tall, green eyes, etc.). Thats not the right way for me.