That I knew but I didn’t know that whole day of physical work feels so good for me. Then I thought of the primal people adhd theories and maybe I need more physical style of life. I like to think that answers to present are in the past

I guess I have some narcissistic tendencies sometimes and I think it’s like perfect counter to these patterns. Besides it just feels extra good when I kind of shrink myself in these ways and let other things shine instead of me occupying all the space. I guess maybe that this is is also turning off the adhd chatter

I am really super green to these things and I am just having fun. also it’s much different than I thought it is. I knew that it is different than Catholicism I grew up with but I never really had a chance to understand why exactly

Then I had an occult phase, thinking I could be great mighty witch phase I guess

Problem is I never really seeked spiritualism for the right reasons but only to feel better and superior than others, have some secret knowledge. That was such a confusing way

I am trying to minimise my self and so to make space for everything else to shine, it started here: https://www.amazon.com/Cutting-Through-Spiritual-Materialism-Chogyam/dp/1570629579

That’s very noble, I am way too big of a snowflake to see stuff that firefighters must see. I think it would mess with my head

What is my favourite thing about it is keeping ego in check, it is a life saver to learn to let go of ego sometimes so it doesn’t get in the way of life

Also Buddhism is like the best thing ever, unfortunately I don’t think I could ever give it 100% haha and let go of all the material allures, I guess 01 thinking on my part

Yay, go for that sweet high

Naw I just decided programming is boring as shit and depressing after a decade of time investment, standing desk or not. I know that there are some ex programmers who run farms and such. I just can’t look at screen for 8 hours locked up indoors no more. 12 hours of vigorous physical labour for 3 days that’s something I never thought feels that good. I guess if it wasn’t my own stuff it would feel worse but with working for your own credit with no boss, stranger things were pleasurable

I don’t think I was ever happy programming. It is satisfying to solve programming problems yes but fulfilling? Not at all

When you are renovating for example you also solve many problems and design the space but then also you move around a lot and there are quick physical results and satisfaction from neatly laid floor for example

That’s good but I can’t really be sporty that’s the problem. Like should I really plan my whole life around this instead of programming that will truly kick my ass mentally tbh if I have to sit for so long

Like cutting trees is fun as heck but I can’t really seriously do this every day

I really need to figure out how to wrap my life around these needs while still pursuing intellectual highest paying stuff. I don’t know, bit late for such mind changing now

I don’t know but I know that hating on franchises isn’t worth my effort nowadays aside from some short dopamine burst now and then. I have learned with Last Jedi that panta rhei and all, I can always have my own head canon which is mostly EU and TCW 2008 and maybe some other thing I like.

It’s enough to just make new account every couple months

It’s a good practice anyway. Fresh start every month feels good. Privacy is much better this way on such transparent site as Lemmy. You reset any mutes/bans/fame you might have acquired. It’s win-win

+It’s not like Lemmy has some kind of insane profile customisation fluff or account bound rewards

Also remember to have a unique username for each site for best doxx protection. I use this Osint site sometimes for lulz and there are people who have same PayPal id (with real name shown) as their Lemmy account name lol. Lemmy may be tame but if you browse any deep chan sites opsec is of paramount and admins are hostile actors deep down there too that WILL post your data. Here I kinda trust admins just a little so that accidental true IP reveal seems like no big deal.

However one day you may sign up to the wrong instance or instance may change hands and someone may post your data to some chan like alt right pit. This is a danger of entrusting your account to small private operators that are complete strangers with unknown motivations

Never ever use your true email on Lemmy

You just need to make a new account every couple of months

Never seen but just cause I am in edgy mood today: discovery is utter garbage. They should pay hefty health insurance to anyone who has seen it to cover therapy costs and eye surgery.

It’s so garbage that the dump trucks drivers get confused and arrive at people living rooms if they turn it on.

The only fitting spot for it is inside the latrine but wash it out as carefully after putting this shitty thing down the drain as if it was an especially nasty hangover poop

That was quite pleasurable to write

It’s exciting time for smugglers. Ever wanted to be one now is prime business hours. Go make Han Solo proud like my mother used to in iron curtain 80s

He is in a better place, hunting and cuddling in purrhalla

On the other hand I purge friends from my list regularly because I feel too shy

Like aw no they are gonna perceive me

deleted by creator

I eat like 150g + 100g minced pork yet I can never climb out of underweight bmi like even if I tried hard and I think I did try many times

After all it became a feature not a bug cause I can stuff myself with anything, 175g beef burgers with fried sweet potatoes and nothing changes with my weight. I hope it stays like this forever

On the other hand sometimes I forget about food all together until 5 PM because I have been hyper focused on something for hours and often I treat food like a sims bar that has to be filled and a distraction unless I really crave something

I don’t understand snacks like give me some beef instead. I want meat, chicken you know, mmm fried chicken

The problem with low bmi is flat chest and I seriously gonna have to get some implants I think to feel better about that

There was an echo to these words, it was impossible to focus. “Hello, hello?” Rang in the distance. As if in some great underwater tunnel.

“I didn’t order any pizza” you respond. The voice becomes silent. Slowly a sense of panic rises. “Is this important?” The urgency in callers voice feels like a mountain of pressure squeezing you and crushing. But you have no ability to communicate, not now. Maybe not ever again.

An urgent voice enters your ear again but you cannot decipher it this time. The syllables are all over the place. A jumbled mess. Some foreign language and yet very familiar. You want to say something but only a series of sounds come out of your mouth. They make perfect sense. You just discovered a higher form of communication.