Pffft. Ketchup is for children. Brown sauce is better on a breakfast.

Just a little brown sauce (I like Stoke’s), but generally I feel like the egg yolk is sauce enough.

If I’m not feeling traditional then maybe a splash of Reggae Reggae sauce.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling angry about this.

Same, same. Not so much for myself as for my children whose right to live, work, and love in the EU was taken away from them by a bunch of disaster capitalists.

Yes, but only for my favourite child. I couldn’t take the risk with the shit-head child in case the favourite child needed me to take a biullet later.

Can we round it up to under 60s? Actually, fuck old people (anyone older than me). Let’s just ban it.

Sure, Facebork keeps me in touch with old school friends and my second cousins, etc., but if we have a month’s warning we can exchange actual addresses and then not bother keeping in touch any more that way.

為什麼不能兩者兼得？

Ah, but if you were a movie-level genius you’d be brilliant at chess because all movie-level geniuses are brilliant at chess. Up until they fail to notice a Queen sacrifice play.

https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=hot+water+pastry+crust

https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=morning+roll

I can take the downvotes when I deserve them, so I’ve upvoted you for using the downvote correctly!

Banana for… scale?

I don’t mind the use of chess as a shorthand for ‘battle of wits’ but I object to how badly written they usually are. Bad Genius hasn’t noticed, and isn’t expecting, a Queen sacrifice move by Good Genius? Please.

As bad as poker. Every round of poker in movies is a smorgasbord of high value hands:

“But can you beat a full house, Queens over nines?”
“I also have a full house, Kings over Jacks.”
“I have four 10s.”
“I have a Royal Flush.”
“I have six Aces.”

Everyone gasps!

Ah, yes, well. The healthy bit comes straight after ‘un’. It’s possible I didn’t read the question correctly.

Deep-fried macaroni pie. It’s a Scottish delicacy.

• Take macaroni cheese
• Encase it in a hot water pastry crust
• Dip it in batter
• Deep-fry it
• Put it inside a well-buttered morning roll
• Eat
• Die happy. Soon, but happy.

Mmm, carbilicious action.

That those forensics chaps can find the tiniest spatters of blood on your clothes, on your skin, and in your hair. And people make a lot of spatter.

You missed:

1. Steal underpants.

I asked my French teacher what a comment he’d written at the bottom of one of my test papers said, because I couldn’t read it.

Apparently it said: “Your handwriting is atrocious.”

He refused to believe I wasn’t taking the piss out of him and I ended up having to ‘explain myself’ to the head.

You clearly cannot be trusted with the power of a full mug of tea.

Jenezuela… too soon?

Jreenland… wait for it… wait for it…

Should have invented email.