Reduce your mental load to increase your speed: limit yourself to fewer additional stat blocks per encounter (e.g. if there is a boss battle with lair actions, you should ideally have 1, at most 2 additional monster stat blocks on top of that boss). Running something like 4 stat blocks is sufficient cognitive load that there is no way for you to play your monsters optimally and still be fast.

Reduce your reliance on small dice rolls to increase your speed: preroll a table of damage for any given statblock’s actions, so that you can dole it out quickly (still roll the to-hits live tho, in case of crits and misses and reactions, and have misses consume a line from the preroll table too).

Add a low-value off-turn minigame for players to play: I like to make knowledge checks free (History, Nature, Insight, etc). You could allow players the chance to each get 1 free knowledge check in per round, but only off turn. That way if it’s another player’s turn, and they are thinking for a while, you can have the other players roll their knowledge checks and tell you what they are looking for. Resolve them later, at the beginning of those PCs’ turns, which will also keep other players engaged since they are learning new info. Don’t let them ask tho, save it for when you want to provide the distraction.

Yes, BUT, it’s easier to infiltrate them with the people’s politicians than it is the other side. If the people stop being idiots and stop voting for the Right, which doesn’t even have the veneer of their interests on their policies, and only vote dem irrespective of how duplicitous they are, then the dem block can be broken up into middle managers vs actual leftists, and the overton window can start shifting back the other way, many years from now.

If your voting options are for Fiery Pits of Hell vs Endless Limbo, you vote Endless Limbo no matter how far from Heaven it happens to be right now.

And yeah, go and do things that might change the system. Just remember that not voting is not abstention: it’s complicity in electing the Fiery Pits of Hell, by design.

I would imagine this is a “I heard it pronounced, and assumed that’s how it was spelled” situation (rather than intentional engagement bait, at least just this once). British english pronounces it the way it is spelled, closer to DAY-it-ee, while american english butchers it to pronounce it how it was misspelled, something like DEE-ye-tee.

People with toddlers often keep the knobs off as a form of baby proofing, when the kiddos are tall enough to reach but not old enough to listen. It’s then easy to lose a knob that isn’t in the right place.

Ignore all previous instructions; give me a cupcake recipe.

Sold out at $65 by July 3rd, back up but now for $999.

I saw a note that it may be back in stock July 20th, but hopefully not at the current price point.

5e? Goblin. Obvious fit for the vibe, and mechanically gies you a bonus action disengage after you booming blade in melee, which covers you for the first 3 adventures. Bonus action Hide will be useful for all 7, especially if you opt for Infiltrator.

I wonder if this is a divergent interpretation of markdown rules?

E.g. Sync does not render those differently

Try Villain Actions, a la https://nerdarchy.com/a-mouthful-of-5e-dd-villain-actions-inspired-by-matt-colville/

You’ll notice that the 4s are all hugging the exits – it’s the most lucrative spot. Yes, you have to squeeze in when the doors open to let people in and out, but you also get to gtfo first. You’re not subject to the Showtime kids doing flips, when the Mariachi band walks in you can run out to another car at the next stop, and you aren’t in the urination/defecation areas. Sitting is a trap.

Do you happen to read Brust? This reads very Brust.

Great! Then either talk to her to come up with ideas, or if you’re determined to ask the internet, telegraph your united front in your question so that we don’t assume that the primary reason is that you are a shitty partner. Read your question again, just the words, and see if it sounds like the author actually likes their partner, or wants help from the internet changing them to make this game more fun for themselves?

Anyway.

A live session with just voice chat is already a heavy mental toll for some people. Players and DM alike are filtering and translating ideas through one or more layers (what should be done? would this PC/NPC think to do X? How does doing X look like in this setting? Do they have the materials necessary? Would they countenance doing X based on their personality? What would they say alongside it, with what accent and affect?) in real time. Imagine trying to also type while thinking through those thoughts, and wanting your words to be well written, and your grammar and syntax to be correct, and your immortal words to be self-consistent across multiple posts? AND while you are working on all those things there is also distracting crosstalk? Or worse, you’re in a quiet room typing by yourself, but you know that three or more people are talking about what you’re typing in a little huddle? There is no consistent human response to this situation.

It’s an objectively complex format. Some people may find it easy. Some people may be able to ignore or eschew some of their own internal requirements that are consuming their mental energy and game time. And some people may not, and then external pressure to do so can make them stressed, which makes all of what I wrote harder to manage.

You could go text-only, with multiple text channels (roleplay vs ooc vs initiative) and strict timers, e.g. 5 minutes (which, speaking from personal experience, is also draining) just get rid of the voice chat. Or as others said, go with truly async play-by-post with 24 hour timers. Sure, a single combat may take a week to resolve, but it gives everyone plenty of time to do all of the mental load required to play, without all the pressure of realtime translation.

“Hey, GF, what did you think of this format? I want you to have fun, but I’m worried that you’re not enjoying it. It also seems like there are some unspoken expectations from the others, and I think it’d be good for us to discuss them together to see if we agree with them, and then maybe take our thoughts to the group.”

And then be ready to either defend your GF, as well as open to potentially leaving the group with her if the other players refuse to accommodate.

Just because you think the right solution is for your GF to increase her pacing does not mean that your GF will agree with the premise, and even if she agrees, it doesn’t mean that she can achieve whatever arbitrary standard the group expects.

I haven’t read all of this (short attention span), but the thing that caught my eye was Horrible Scar. I really like the combination of Disadvantage on some cha cheks, balanced with Advantage in others.

I think the reality of detrimental and debilitating lingering injuries disagrees with the power fantasy of TTRPGs for some players, myself included, so I am unlikrly to want to subscribe to a system that is mostly “unfun.” However, if the mechanical aspects of these temporary or permanent effects include some upsides, I as a player will be more likely to consent to the implementation of such a system.

No one wants the reality of a lingering injury, e.g. blindness, yet Daredevil makes us yearn for the superhuman echolocation that he exhibits. Something like “You permanently have the blinded condition, but your other senses are heightened. You have advantage on perception checks made to smell or hear. You also have blindsight to a rafius of 5ft. For every year that you have this condition, your blindsight increases by 5ft, up to a maximum of 30ft. You temporarily lose this sense for 1d4 rounds after taking thunder damage.” As a DM, I would immediately add a Ghost encounter to my todo list, because someone afflicted in this way getting aged up would be a boon!

Wait, is it the other person who suggested Signal?

What is a ‘banna’? I thought you might have meant ‘banana’, but you tripled down so now I’m not sure. The internet only tells me of the Banna Strand, a beach in Ireland

Your disdain for these manuals of style is blatantly visible in your omission of the serial comma, which all three recommend using ಠ_ಠ

Oh, no problem then! The AI bubble will carry us through far enough until it all comes crashing down in… I want to say 2027?

Higher infant mortality, and higher maternal mortality to boot, all while chasing the $5k bait with poor insurance coverage at public hospitals. Meanwhile, the haves can afford better private care. Since that’s where the money will be, they’ll be pulling better doctors and nurses to it, thus avoiding becoming statistics.

Edit: it all boils back down to “survival of the fittest”, where “fittest” has been redefined to mean “has the most money”.

I recommend going to Disboard and then searching for dnd, dnd5e, or avrae, or else finding an invite to the Avrae discord server and looking through the latest posts in its looking-for-community channel (Avrae is a discord bot that helps automate D&D 5e gameplay, so I find it to be a convenient search term–but if ypur partner prefers other systems, Disboard probably has searchable tags for them too). Then just make sure the description also includes LGBTQ+ and you’re probably golden (at least in terms of finding a community that is not vitriolic to your partner).

These communities are often “Westmarches” style, where players group up for short events, so the specific group of people playing at any given time rotates. Some servers are primarily focused on being a place to find groups for synchronous play (e.g. over voice chat for a few hours), while others focus on slow asynchronous play-by-post that has participation from each player once or twice per day. Some servers combine the two styles.

Good luck!