Not apposing kindness, but as someone who is watching my mother take care of my grandmother right now I just don’t see the point. The things she says 1 min are forgotten the next so her saying shes getting married soon will also be forgotten within a few hours if not the day. Its cool to see some compasion, but in no way was this for mom, it was for her to rationalize it and cope with whats going on. This will be one of the last few good memories she will have and thats ok.
The thing is, some of the delusions are deeper rooted, and are likely to recur more, in one form or another. Even if mom doesn’t “remember” she’s getting married, and the event doesn’t link with that underlying cause, she’ll have a happy day, and, if she asks for a bridal shower again, they can show her pictures and mementos of the day.
Or keep the gifts around and do it again. Every day can be a celebration.
At least one thought to the contrary (though I don’t think you’re wrong to look at it that way) our bodies cary the record of our emotional wellbeing, even if our memory doesn’t
This was probably quite good for their mother, both psychologically and physiologically, even if she will have no memory of it.
I’m sending love, I can’t imagine how hard it is to navigate watching someone fade away like that 🫂
Is that the right thing to do? Or is there even a right thing to do at all?
My parents are getting old. When the time comes is going along with it the right thing to do?
My biggest fear when I get older is losing touch with reality. I prefer reality to the untethered whims of my subconscious. Do I want my family to just go along with it?
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I don’t think this is the right thing to do according to psychologists. I’ve heard you’re supposed to avoid outright contradicting their reality, while also not going along with it - often by distracting them for a bit so they’ll forget what they were on about.
When I worked in memory care I found that the easiest way was to play along. I had co-workers that did their training decades before I did and they were largely attached to “reorientation in time”, which is a nice way of saying confronting their delusions, and it was just upsetting for everyone.
I don’t want to tell Doris her husband isn’t actually late coming back from the shops, or that her parents aren’t coming to pick her up, or that she doesnt need to pick up her small children from school. Wouldn’t you get upset if some random stranger insisted that your spouse, who you remember waking up next to that day, died ten years ago? Or if that random 50 year old stranger insisted that they were actually your small child that you definitely dropped off at school that morning?
Unfortunately humans aren’t capable of experiencing objective reality. Instead everything gets filtered through our brains, which even in a totally healthy state still can’t help but filter reality through a layer of subjectivity. Personally I’d pick being lied to every day over being told my life has already passed me by every day.
When the time comes is going along with it the right thing to do?
One thing to note is that, as far as I know, dementia is not a normal symptom of aging, so your parents and you might not have to go through it, especially if you don’t have a family history of dementia.
I really wonder what they do after when she wants it to happen again
Do it again. Because why not? It makes her happy.
And if you want a cynical comment: you can always re-gift the same things again.
Hot damn this is wholesome, thanks for sharing! ☺️
It’s called “virtue signalling”. Google it
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