When I was young, I was naive to the ways of romance, and especially romantic communication. I was often oblivious to advances made upon me, and awkward and unskilled at making any expression of interest without just looking a bit foolish. However, after a lot of experience and many ups and downs in the pursuit of love, I find that I am no longer young.
Men are dense and women are indirect.
I know these are generalities, but it’s sooo freakin common that it’s a well-known trope.
I’d actually go a step further and say that it’s not so much that men are “dense” as it is that they are full of self-doubt…I.e., seeing the advances, knowing they are there, but not believing that they are actually intended for them, or it’s a joke/prank, or for whatever other reason, they convince themselves that it’s not an advance and they are misinterpreting.
IANAD, but I’d guess this has more to do with mens mental-health awareness than anything else.
It’s a trope, but it’s also supposedly “well known” that men are horny bastards who think with their dicks… yet somehow we have these the two very opposing scenarios.
Personally, despite a rather distinct lack of interest from the “fairer sex” prior to college, I found that plenty of women were more interested in sex than me in later years and not particularly subtle about it, which was actually off-putting as I wanted a relationship with a bit more substances. A lot of guys I know were in the same boat. Sex was easy. Finding somebody who actually wanted to do activities together was quite hard.
Something I’ve noticed in myself, maybe because of the lack of interest from women at a younger age, is that women will almost throw themselves at you sometimes. Like, yeah I get it, I’m down for that too, but I won’t be able to make it move for you if I don’t know you ma’am.
The tropes are projection.
The people who say that shit are almost always… the ones who do that shit. Every woman I know whines about shallow horny non-committal men… was talking about her own behavior and just blaming men for it. whenever they would meet a new guy they would go off about his looks and his money and other shallow traits, and then they would say they knew he wouldn’t commit but they didn’t care and would date him anway, and then if he didn’t commit she’d be so upset, but if he did commit… she’d dump him because there was ‘something wrong with him’. etc etc
Just like dudes who complain about shallow gold diggers… are mostly shallow gold diggers themselves.
Have you tried talking to each other?
It sounds like hes respecting consent, just being in your underwear doesn’t automatically mean you want him all over you and hes respecting that possibility.
If I was playing a video game that I was super sucked into and focused on, and then a girl I was with still in her underwear sat next to me, I wouldn’t assume it was an invitation to immediately begin sucking on her titties or something. I’d figure she just wanted to chill next to me in her undies.
If you want to have sex: communicate that. He probably would have been down.
This situation isn’t about consent; it’s about seduction and attraction. It’s not unrealistic that seeing your partner in their underwear might distract you from what you’re doing and elicit an amorous response, and that’s what she wants. There’s no suggestion that that response would be anything but respectful of consent.
what she wants is to be passive aggressive.
chances are if he does show interest, she’ll reject him. because that’s what passive-aggressive people do, because it’s all about power-games and manipulation.
if she genuinely wanted attention, she’d ask for it. with her words. which is precisely the thing passive-aggressive people never do, because they are seeking to be aggrieved and upset for their minds and whims not being magically known by their partners.
Wanting a partner that shows active interest in you isn’t passive agression it’s totally normal. They just sound young and stupid and need to work on their communication skills
the question i have is: how are men supposed to know the exact correct amount and time women want attention? because from what i understand if the only thing you’re doing is wearing underwear, that doesn’t necessarily mean you “want” something, and to assume otherwise is bad? or is that wrong too?
Find a woman mature enough to communicate her needs and ask explicitly for your attention? Anyone of any gender who expects their partner to be a mind reader is going to be disappointed, but people that learn to communicate their feelings and teach their partners that it is safe to do the same will be much happier. If they get upset at having to tell you what they’re thinking or feeling, they’re not ready for a serious relationship yet.
“I have presented my flesh in his presence and that wasn’t automatically rewarded. What am I doing wrong?”
Have you tried… talking about shared interests? Being funny? Being charming and confident? Putting effort into romance? Like all the same advice that help men gain interest from women works the other way around too, you know? We’re all human.
