So I’m only 15. While I hope my boyfriend is the one for me, I also doubt it. I have had a girlfriend “Amy” since I was 12 but I am polyamorous and so is my boyfriend “Avery”. He is also dating some dude who I’ll call “Alex” since his name starts with the same letter as Avery’s and my girlfriend’s.

He said he’d love to call sometime and I’m sure he loves us equally, but he calls Alex for hours a day, for like 5-12 hours, and barely acknowledges my texts, he just reads them. In fact, he asked me to hang out with him but that was because he was bored that Alex wouldn’t be coming over.

Idk what to do. I feel wrongfully a bit sad and like I’m the bad guy.

They sleep on calls all the time too at night and I’m trying not to care but I’m sad because he spends more time with Alex than me. I wanna sleep over at his house sometime and do all the stuff they do but he can’t because he’s always busy with Alex. Maybe I’d be liked more if I was a boy…

  • surewhynotlem@lemmy.worldEnglish
    6·
    3 days ago

    I’m gonna go on a limb and say you can’t handle polyamory yet. I couldn’t either. You need to be so confident (or oblivious) that you don’t get jealous. That’s really hard for some people.

    If it were me, I’d tap out. Maybe find someone who would dote only on me because that’s what I need in a relationship.

    But YMMV. I’m just a random on the Internet.

    • Jéssica (ela/dela)@lemmy.eco.brOPEnglish
      21·
      3 days ago

      Makes sense. I’m fine with him doting on other people I guess but not when he spends way more time with them and doesn’t even wanna call or spend time because he’s too busy with him.

  • Angel(she/they)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    1·
    2 days ago

    (Practising my Dutch because I kinda speak it)

    Het klinkt voor mij alsof hij denkt dat je een ‘trofee’ bent om mee te pronken.

    english

    It sounds to me like he thinks you’re a trophy to show off.

      • swelter_spark@reddthat.com
        English
        2·
        2 days ago

        I’m sorry. If the relationship he’s offering isn’t enough for you, there’s nothing wrong with telling him that it isn’t working for you and ending it. It isn’t selfish or wrong of you to want more. I think, at bare minimum, anyone you date should be genuinely interested in you and make time for you.

  • JigglySackles@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    3 days ago

    Based on this and the other comments you’ve said here it sounds like it’s time to go your separate ways. They are not the one for you because they are showing you that you are not the one for them. Successful relationships MUST work both ways. Both partners must be valued and feel valued.

    And once you leave someone, don’t go back to them. If someone is going to show you who they are believe them the first time.

  • Angel(she/they)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    3·
    3 days ago

    I read somewhere that people are supposed to act like their best selves during the early stages of a relationship. If the relationship is early on, which I assume it is, then his best self is apparently ignoring your needs for men

  • Viktoria (They/She)@lemmy.caEnglish
    2·
    3 days ago

    I’m having a similar thing with my girlfriend except she thinks I’m ignoring her. I’d say talk to him and see what he says.

  • ProletariatRevolution@piefed.socialEnglish
    6·
    4 days ago

    He loves or better word “infatuated” with Alex. End it now before it causes more pain in the long run. You’ll find someone who loves you and you won’t question it.

    A good quote to young lovers is “sometimes we accept the love we think we deserve.”

    You deserve better. Make decisions that make you happy. The sooner you learn that, the better. No one else can make those decisions for your happiness but you.

  • OldGrayDog@lemmy.worldEnglish
    5·
    4 days ago

    It sounds like he thinks of you more as a casual friend that he hangs with sometimes. What does your gf think of this?

      • OldGrayDog@lemmy.worldEnglish
        4·
        4 days ago

        I meant how does she feel about how he is treating you. Also he may be more into guys right now. I’m just guessing as I obviously don’t know any of you personally. It also sounds like you are crushing on him.

          • Pup Biru@aussie.zoneEnglish
            3·
            3 days ago

            your partners in poly relationships are among your best sources of support and advice. they know you, and they likely know your other partners pretty well too. your metamores (partners partners) can also help, as everyone in all parts of poly relationships should want everyone else to be happy (clearly they don’t want someone their partner cares about to be unhappy)

            (that said, since yall are relatively young with poly things, they may not have your best interests at heart i guess… they might see your communication as a way to drive a wedge between your partner and you so they can have him all to themselves… that is incredibly unhealthy, and if they do think in any way like this the poly relationship won’t last in the long term: metamores all have to share)

            communication is always the biggest thing. speak your needs, and don’t assume that they know how you’re feeling

            it’s also more than possible that they just express their relationship differently. perhaps there’s things that you and he do that his boyfriend is envious of too

            try and figure out if behaviours are actually things that you want or if it’s just jealousy… jealousy is something you absolutely need to get over for poly to work: try to develop that into compersion: be happy that your partners are happy. if you can’t, that’s fine too! but don’t let it consume you. in that case, the relationship (or poly in general… poly sounds great in theory, but takes a lot of emotional maturity, knowledge of yourself, and just plain work) might just not be for you - yet.

            again, you have another partner: use them for support, either to work out your needs and then how to communicate them, or to deal with the emotional fallout if things don’t work out