The onion is just posting facts these days

Ate the Onion. I grabbed my earbuds so I could listen to this douche plead, then noticed the source. Still…

Looking forward to the day The Beaverton and The Onion starting doing normal news. “Yeah, they used to do satire, then the world went crazy and comedians are the only truth tellers. So now they give the facts with context, but in a fun way.”

Stand up and face away