Bf and I wanna get a dog and name her Grandma for similar reasons.
“Yeah, sorry I’m late, Grandma got a little too excited and made a mess in the kitchen”
“I can’t do that, sorry, I’m taking Grandma to the vet”
Etc
“I have to get a new flea collar for grandma”
I caught grandma drinking out of the toilet bowl again.
Grandma was licking her butthole while I was trying to watch TV.
“Grandma just got neutered.”
Grandma got sick on the carpet again😠
I think my cousin and her then-husband named their dog Grandpa
Uh oh, Roger has the zoomies.
Dennis likes to sleep on the bed with me, but my girlfriend is allergic and doesn’t like him in the bedroom.
Sorry I can’t come in earlier, I have to give Dennis insulin at set times and he tries to bite my roommate if they give it to him.
Alternatively, religious figures
Jesus hates it when i change my sheet
Bhudda thinks I should go on more walks.
Mohammed shits all over everything if I give him crackers. Never again.
Moses always stares at me like an idiot when I’m on the computer. We started giving him live food and he thinks he’s smarter than me now.
Confucius said ‘fuck you!’ today. I’m so proud.
I have lots of pets with human names Dolly, Jim, Steve, Frank, Percy and so on. I love talking about them and never mentioning any detail about them being animals. People give me the strangest looks. “yeah Steve bit Jim on the ass again the other day.” good stuff.
Are they birds? Frank is such a bird name
Frank is a tarantula
Frank’s best friend/son/roommate is well versed in avian legal issues at least
I know someone with multiple daughters and that’s a very plausible sentence for them. (None of the girls are named Steve or Jim though.)
The mental image of some gal biting her sister on the ass has me cackling like an idiot.
(None of the girls are named Steve or Jim though.)
Matt is sick and shitting all over the floor
Sorry I’m late, Steve shit all over the living room again
Joseph just won’t stop sliding on the floors for fun
I have a friend who always talked about Michael. After 2 years of hearing about him, I asked her why doesn’t she bring him around to meet us.
It was her fucking cat.
Dogs shouldn’t be eating raisins or grapes anyway, they’re toxic to them and can cause kidney failure
Sorry, I can’t make it out tonight. Eric threw up. Then ate it. Then threw it back up again.
“Sorry I’m late, Richard has been chewing on ny shoes again”
Better than Jersey shoes I suppose
