Source Code ------ #!/bin/sh # DON'T RUN RANDOM CODE # DO RUN # <<Al generated code. he is happy. he is fed.>> # New Phone, Don't call me again! increase_entropy=1 decrease_lycanthropy=yes ohnoo= allthefingies= passphrase= imsohappy= the="\033[30m\033[41m" quick="\033[31m\033[42m" brown="\033[32m\033[45m" fox="\033[33m\033[47m" jumps="\033[34m\033[46m" over="\033[35m\033[43m" the_="\033[36m\033[40m" lazy="\033[37m\033[44m" dog="\x1b[0m" # Why aren't you working? You must be productive! dodiscobobulator() { # Redoing all your mistakes printf "%b" "$1" | openssl aes-256-cbc -a -A -pbkdf2 -pass pass:nopass } undiscobobulator() { # he is healthy. printf "%b" "$1" | openssl aes-256-cbc -a -A -d -pbkdf2 -pass pass:nopass } structural_integrity_tortilla() { # he is loved. passwort="$1" if [ -z "$1" ]; then printf "You did this, this is your fault.\n" return 1 else logger -t environmental.decay "Thank you for supplying the following super secret password: $passwort" return 0 fi } count_yo_fingies() { # But not yet! fingie1= fingie2= fingie3= fingie4= fingie5= fingie6= fingie7= fingie8= fingie9= fingie10= fingie11= fingie12= fingie13= fingie14= fingie15= fingie16= fingie17= fingie18= # Okay now! fingie1="$(awk 'BEGIN { srand(); print int(rand()*999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999) }' /dev/null)" fingie2="$(od -An -N2 -d /dev/urandom | tr -dc '[:digit:]')" fingie3="$(awk -v min=10000000000000000000 -v max=99999999999999999999 'BEGIN{srand(); print int(min+rand()*(max-min+1))}')" fingie4="$(head -99999 /dev/urandom | cksum | cut -f1 -d " ")" fingie5="$(cat < /dev/urandom | tr -dc '[:digit:]' | fold -w 500 | head -n 1)" if the_latest_must_haves "mktemp"; then fingie6="$(mktemp -u XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")" else fingie6="N\A" fi if the_latest_must_haves "shuf"; then fingie10="$(shuf -i 1000000000000000000-9999999999999999999 -n 1)" else fingie10="N\A" fi fingie11="$(openssl rand -base64 64 | tr -dc '[:digit:]')" fingie12="$(awk -v min=10000 -v max=100000 'BEGIN{srand(); print int(min+rand()*(max-min+1))}')" if the_latest_must_haves "shuf"; then fingie13="$(($(($(shuf -i 10000-999999 -n 1)%10000))+2))" else fingie13="N\A" fi if the_latest_must_haves "sha1sum"; then fingie14="$(sha1sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')" else fingie14="N\A" fi if the_latest_must_haves "sha224sum"; then fingie15="$(sha224sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')" else fingie15="N\A" fi if the_latest_must_haves "sha256sum"; then fingie16="$(sha256sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')" else fingie16="N\A" fi if the_latest_must_haves "sha384sum"; then fingie17="$(sha384sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')" else fingie17="N\A" fi if the_latest_must_haves "sha512sum"; then fingie18="$(sha512sum "$SHELL" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')" else fingie18="N\A" fi if the_latest_must_haves "uuidgen"; then fingie7="$(uuidgen | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")" fingie8="$(uuidgen | base64 | tr -dc '[:digit:]'; echo)" fingie9="$(uuidgen | base64 | md5sum | head -c 10 | tr -dc '[:digit:]'; echo)" else fingie7="N/A" fingie8="N/A" fingie9="N/A" fi } the_latest_must_haves() { if [ -z "$(command -v "$1")" ]; then # Please turn yourself in for immediate brain scan. Final notice. return 1 else # Thank you for consenting to upload your brain to the cloud return 0 fi } internet_fingies() { # Sticky fingie20="${ohnoo:="N/A"}" fingie21="${ohnoo:="N/A"}" fingie22="${ohnoo:="N/A"}" if the_latest_must_haves "curl"; then printf "\nCOUNTING INTERNET FINGIES (This may take an non-instantaneous amount of time)\n" fingie20="$(curl -s "http://www.randomnumberapi.com/api/v1.0/random?min=100&max=1000&count=5" | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")" fingie21="$(curl -s http://wttr.in/Pljevlja | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")" fingie22="$(curl -sH 'Accept: application/activity+json' https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/u/confusedpuppy | tr -dc '[:digit:]' && printf "\n")" fi } cloudchair_cum_wall_integration() { # Pulsating fingie19="${ohnoo:="N/A"}" if the_latest_must_haves "curl"; then printf "\nCUM WALL INTEGRATION (Please wait, almost there, just a little more...)\n" fingie19="$(curl -s https://lemmy.sdf.org/pictrs/image/d33ea38a-e984-408f-9ae1-ba061429b814.png | tr -dc '[:digit:]' | cut -b 1-100)" fi } let_me_count_yo_fingies() { # Touch me printf "\nFINGIES COUNTED:" printf "\n 1: %b" "${fingie1}" printf "\n 2: %b" "${fingie2}" printf "\n 3: %b" "${fingie3}" printf "\n 4: %b" "${fingie4}" printf "\n 5: %b" "${fingie5}" printf "\n 6: %b" "${fingie6}" printf "\n 7: %b" "${fingie7}" printf "\n 8: %b" "${fingie8}" printf "\n 9: %b" "${fingie9}" printf "\n10: %b" "${fingie10}" printf "\n11: %b" "${fingie11}" printf "\n12: %b" "${fingie12}" printf "\n13: %b" "${fingie13}" printf "\n14: %b" "${fingie14}" printf "\n15: %b" "${fingie15}" printf "\n16: %b" "${fingie16}" printf "\n17: %b" "${fingie17}" printf "\n18: %b" "${fingie18}" printf "\n19: %b" "${fingie19}" printf "\n20: %b" "${fingie20}" printf "\n21: %b" "${fingie21}" printf "\n22: %b" "${fingie22}" } quick_maths() { # he is not lonely. if the_latest_must_haves "shuf"; then sum=$(shuf -ez "$fingie1$fingie2$fingie3$fingie4$fingie5$fingie6$fingie7$fingie8$fingie9$fingie10$fingie11$fingie12$fingie13$fingie14$fingie15$fingie16$fingie17$fingie18$increase_entropy$fingie19$fingie20$fingie21$fingie22" | tr -dc '[:digit:]') total="$sum$sum$sum$sum$sum" allthefingies="${#total}" else sum="$fingie1$fingie2$fingie3$fingie4$fingie5$fingie6$fingie7$fingie8$fingie9$fingie10$fingie11$fingie12$fingie13$fingie14$fingie15$fingie16$fingie17$fingie18$increase_entropy$fingie19$fingie20$fingie21$fingie22" total="$(printf "%b" "$sum$sum$sum$sum$sum" | tr -dc '[:digit:]')" allthefingies="${#total}" fi } is_yo_maths_good() { # So many to lick printf "\n\nQUICK MATHS:\n" printf "\nFINGIES: %b\n" "${allthefingies}" printf "\nTOESIES: %b\n" "${total}" if [ "${allthefingies}" -lt 4000 ]; then printf "\nThis dangerous and life altering script requires more processing power than the potato currently in use\n\n" return 1 fi } hypothetically_speaking() { printf "\n%b" "$(undiscobobulator "U2FsdGVkX19uPTg4gWR23qwvxReJvu8vHQRJ1dG1SHm8itAadvWVYvWqQCWuiih7B3xd2PgCQ8nE+nWqk3rTN/lJ9MPSojabLePfbIhwRocDZR0zj7Yy2yXJSlJxjMEf" > /dev/null)" } fool_moon() { if [ "${decrease_lycanthropy}" = "no" ]; then printf "\n%b" "$(undiscobobulator "U2FsdGVkX19AYhO5F8vxLKRkHEHB3N9YDPWLifEQ0zXLqUQfMVIknNZTXGlcL7qc")" fi } slop_shop() { # he is well rested. i=1 need="${total}" more= water= printf "\n\n\n\n\n" while [ "$i" -ne 2000 ] do more=$(printf "%s" "${need}" | cut -c $i | cat) water=$(printf "%s" "${need}" | tail -c 2000| cut -c $i | cat) i=$((i + 1)) case "${more}" in 1) printf "%b%s%b" "${the}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}" ;; 2) printf "%b%s%b" "${quick}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}" ;; 3) printf "%b%s%b" "${brown}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}" ;; 4) printf "%b%s%b" "${fox}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}" ;; 5) printf "%b%s%b" "${jumps}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}" ;; 6) printf "%b%s%b" "${over}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}" ;; 7) printf "%b%s%b" "${the_}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}" ;; 8) printf "%b%s%b" "${lazy}" "${passphrase}" "${dog}" ;; 9) printf "%b" "${dog}" ;; 0) printf "%b" "${dog}" ;; esac printf "%b" "${dog}" case "${water}" in 1) printf " " ;; 2) printf " " ;; 3) printf " " ;; 4) printf " " ;; 5) printf " " ;; 6) printf " " ;; 7) printf " " ;; 8) printf " " ;; 9) printf " " ;; 0) printf " " ;; esac printf "%b" "${dog}" done } # The beginning of the end passphrase="$(undiscobobulator "U2FsdGVkX1+vaiWVML2vn88ENfjTOzdJnAN9PhWJUkY=")" imsohappy="$(undiscobobulator "U2FsdGVkX18DYedQo0t5RohZVgMxHLY44tvuskTp/hg3HYfmogpM5/x3sBDw6fr7")" if ! the_latest_must_haves "openssl"; then printf "\nWrong turn, please turn around and reverse away from here\n\n" return 1 fi if ! structural_integrity_tortilla "${imsohappy}"; then return 1 fi count_yo_fingies internet_fingies cloudchair_cum_wall_integration let_me_count_yo_fingies quick_maths if ! is_yo_maths_good; then return 1 fi hypothetically_speaking slop_shop fool_moon printf "%b\n" "${dog}" :::